Renegade66

Fear not, Savagegerbil. What you are experiencing is exactly like what I went through years ago with a woman who meant the world to me. I think it's probably a natural way that we work through our feelings. Fully digesting our feelings for someone after a break up can take time. I have a hunch that if you give yourself time to process, then you will be ok. Salutations, R6

So, as some of you may know, I have called the lady twice. First, I left a message with her brother then I left a message on her answering machine. I am now faced with calling her a third time and if I get the machine or her brother again I intend to leave my number so that she may call me when she has time (I already know that she has a busy schedule). My questions (which may be best suited for an answer from the ladies of this forum) is how long after I leave my number can I expect a call? Additionally, should I continue to call even after I "put the ball in her hands," so to speak? Lastly, How long should I go without hearing from her before I write the whole thing off? Thanks to any and all who respond. And my further thanks to everyone at this forum who have offered advice and support durring this time. R6

Hi, Zoey. In a way I understand how you feel. I never go someplace that I may not be wanted, and if I don't get an invite I assume that I am not wanted at that time or place. To add to this, I have chosen not to have many friends to begin with. I have chosen this because I am rather picky about who I call friend and if I lower that standard then I am setting myself up for disappointment. Even some of the people that I associate with are not really my friends. Thus, I do not receive alot of invitations. On the plus side, I have decided that that is just me. There is nothing wrong with it in the least. I urge you to not despair. True friends will make themselves known to you. It may take some time to find them but they are out there. Sometimes it's a risk to go looking for them but it can also bring you great happiness. Hay, at the very least you know that I might have some idea as to how you feel. Maybe that is all it really takes... Salutations, R6

Thanks to both of you! I have been thinking about this a bit and I have come to the same conclusions. (Note: The only reason I called again today is that I said that I would to her brother. If I didn't, well, I don't want to give the impression that I don't keep my word.) The main reason that I am "in a hurry" is that I know that one guy who really hurt her feelings when he told her that all he wanted from her was sex is calling on her again and I guess I don't want him to make me look bad by giving her a bad impression of men altogether. Don'tcha just hate it when you're spun on someone? In the final analysis, however, I know that both of you are right on this. Although she does not have my home number, she knows where I work if she wants to get in touch with me. Besides, I left that message saying that I'd try calling "Another time." To my thinking that give me pretty much all the time I want. Thanks again, R6 P.S. I did post the whole story earlier this week. If you have several hours to kill, feel free to read it.

Ok, for reference purposes the date and time of this writing is Monday 04/14/03 6:26 PM. So I tried to call her yesterday, Sunday, at about noon. Her brother, with whom she lives, answered and told me that she wasn't home. I told him who I was and that I'd call again, leaving the time for the second call open. That was the first call I made to her after getting her number last Thursday. I tried to call her again tonight a little after 6:00 PM and I got the machine. I left her a message stateing who I was and that I'd try calling her another time. Now, I realize that since she is working nights and may have already started to attend college full time so she may very well be busy. What I want to know is how long should I wait to call her again? I know that if I continue with the daily call it will make me look desperate. I was thinking that I should call Wednesday night after work and give Tuesday a miss entirely. Is this a good idea? Thanks, R6

I sure do hope that I have not given the impression that I think all women are evil! I most certainly do NOT believe that. If I have given that impression then I apologize whole-heartedly. R6

Two words: Well Done! Well, that's really four words. Argh! Now it's nine! DAAHH!! Now it's.... Well, you get the point! Again, Well Done! R6

Ok, this will be easier said than done, but I believe that you should be honest with her. This may not "get her" but she will respect you for it. If you wish to pursue her you will have a bit more luck if she feels that you are being honest with her. The sooner you tell her the truth the better. Best of luck to ya, R6

Ok, I gave Erin a call today and I got her machine! I know that she lives with her brother and it was his voice on the machine. So what did I do? I froze, of course! I know that she is most likely at work for the night so would calling her this evening and leaving a message be acceptable or should I wait until tomorrow when I know that I will get in touch with her? I'm thinking that I should call tomorrow and them leave a message if I get the machine again. I know that I cannot call her at work because that would just be several kinds of bad. Suggestions? Thanks, R6

First, a hearty 'Thank you' to any and all who replied to my prior (first!) post. The advice that I was given, although I used it primarily in spirit, was quite helpfull. ...And now for the matter at hand (and some history as well): Brace yourselves. This could (will) be rather long-winded. Her name is Erin. For the past few years I have had minimal contact with her due to the fact that she worked at the bank I go to. I would see her just about every week and I found her to be most attractive right away. The monkey in the wrench at that time was that she was engaged to someone so I respected that situation and avoided anything that could create a personal relationship between Erin and myself. Instead, as I went about my banking, I would be pleasant and yet keep my 'distance.' Some months ago, perhaps even a year ago, Erin's engagement fell apart. I had heard that her fiance' was treating her badly (I have no real details on this) and I was gratified to learn that she was out of that relationship and moving forward. About 3 months ago I learned that Erin was making extra money as a nanny for one of the managers that I work with. Although my day to day dealings with this manager are cordial, I have learned that he harbors much animosity towards me. I can understand this because There was a time in the not too distant past when I was full of negativity and he had occasion the be a target of said negativity. Plus I am quite selective about who I let into my life and the simple fact is that he is not someone that fits well into my circle. Not quite a 'love triangle,' but a triangle just the same (this will be made clear shortly...). Next, the manager in question started to set Erin up with blind dates which turned out to be bad experiences for her. I began hearing about these things through "The Grapevine" (mind you, I don't put much faith in The Grapevine) and somehow I developed an active interest in Erin. For the last two weeks I have acted on every hair-brained idea to go to the bank just to see her, and talk to her: to make a connection. Durring that time she told me that she was quiting the bank to be a waitress at a sports bar and to persue her college education (something that impresses me quite a bit). She even told me a little bit about her schedule at the bar. While she was telling me these things she had a big smile and mimicked the position of my hands with her own while leaning towards me. I told her how cool I thought it was that she was changing her stars, so to speak, and as I was leaving the bank I told her that I would visit her at her new job one night. With that same smile she gave me the up-beat "Ok!" while playing with one of her earrings. This took place on Friday. I went in to the bank again on Tuesday and she seemed a bit out of sorts so I didn't make the move that I had planned. That night, and for two more nights until I could catch her, I went to the sprts bar to keep my word and to ask if I could give her a call sometime. I finally ran into her on Thursday night and sat in what I hoped was her section. As it turned out Erin was still considered to be a trainee and was working under my server. That night, Erin spent a good amount of time talking to me, as work allowed of course, durring which time she would touch my arm as we talked, lean in close, little clues of that sort. While talking with her (a joy no matter how things turn out, I must say) She asked why I was not having any of the chip and salsa that was served with my meal and I told her that It's not really my thing. Moments later I made a point of trying the chips and salsa while she was looking at me to let her know that I trust her judgement. After Erin made a few more stops at my table I said, "May I ask you a question of a personal nature?" She said, "Ok." So I told her, "I really enjoy talking to you and I'm wondering if I could give you a call sometime?" Erin replied, "Sure," and then gave me her phone number. At that point, however, she seemed to become a little distant. At this time I asked my server for the check, which came to 14 dollars and change. I gave my server a 20 dollar bill and told her to keep the change. Then, because Erin had told me earlier that she "worked her butt off" one night and her trainer kept all the tips, I stashed another 6 dollars under the bowl of chips and salsa at my table and I let her know about it before I left. After all, Erin was far more attentive to me that my server was, so it seemed the fair thing to do. But what has me a bit worried is that she became a little distant after giving me her number and I am also worried that the manager that she nannies for will try to turn her away from me. She knows him better than she knows me, so if she "checks me out" through him it could be bad. At the same time, though, I think that she is wise enough to judge these things for herself. Now I am not sure how to interpret the distance she displayed or if I should call her tomorrow (Saturday) or wait until Monday. I know that she is being called again by one of the guys that hurt her recently by telling her that all he cared about was sex and ALL men just want sex. I am beginning to think that I should call her sooner rather than later. I can show her that I care more about REAL intimacy more than the mere illusion of intimacy that sex provides and I've decided that whatever the managers says about me is his issue and not mine. That's not the problem. The problem is that I feel I should call her sooner before this guy wears down her defenses and hurts her again. Any ideas would be greatly apreciated. Thanks! (And I'm sorry for biography sized post!)

...thanks for the reply. Ironically, I discovered just today that she is leaving the bank for a different job and to focus more on getting her degree. Dontcha just love how life works sometimes? I think your idea about asking her to speak in private is a good idea, though. I may have to give that a shot! Thanks again for the suggestion, R6

Ok, so there is a lady who works at my bank for whom I have developed an attraction. I want to ask her out, but I only see her when she is at work. I have a rule about putting someone in that type of situation while they are at work. I believe that to do so would be rude, plus I wouldn't want to cause any undue trouble between her and her employer. This being the case I was considering the following: Approach her on legitimate business and ask if it would be a breach of etiquette to ask her for her number while she is working. I also wonder if this would be allowed under a company's "Rules of Conduct." I would greatly apreciate any input on this. Thanks, R6