Princess Blue

Thanks for your honest reply I was wondering why they rung my phone but the message left was "this message is for ______ can he please ring...." I was thinking it might be because he had lost his phone at one point when we were together and was always with me so gave my number. I passed the message on to him and the next day asked for my money back but no reply so honestly I feel like he's not texting me to make a point about me not texting him...i was willing to open my door a little and perhaps try starting communication slowly again but this has made me think it might need a bit longer nc.. As for the cheating in the past, well that was 2 years ago where he hooked up with a girl at a party and apparently nothing happened more until he went out with her for the 2 months we were broken up, and i forgave him for that and moved on. The money he owes me for sure WASN'T used on drugs as it was me giving him the money to buy a new push bike to start his exercise on (which he's using everyday now apparently) and a new phone and i was there when he bought it... As for moving towns quickly, i think thats because he originally comes from that town and his (alcoholic) mum (who he doesn't talk to) and his younger sister (who was addicted to the same drug at 1 point but is now clean) lives there, and he moved away from them at age 11 to live in my town with his dad (who's now moved to australia) and he was living with his 2 older brothers here temporarily. He was in a rut, he quit his apprenticeship and couldn't find another job, his brothers were constantly on his back and he had to get away from his drug dealer friend who introduced him to the drug and was supplying to him....i'm not sure if he owed money and left quickly but i honestly believe he did it because his sister has been addicted to the same drug and me and her are the only people he's told and she's helping him. Also his brother got addicted to the same drug and got over it by moving from the town my ex lives in now, to my town. Its such a disfunctional family....it makes my head spin! The fact that he hasn't replied to my text confuses me...do you think i should text again to get a definate answer on getting my money back and to ask why the person rung MY phone number?? Thanks to anyone who's given their thoughts on this, it really helps

Parsley - Thanks! its not been easy for me i can tell you that, and its always happened when i've least expected it so i can understand how you felt you would have a heart attack! I set myself a goal of 60 days and its been one huge rollercoaster of emotions..i've come close to breaking nc many times but i just distract myself on here until the urge passes... I've broken my nc today but i don't feel bad because it was necessary to pass on this important message. When i do get a text from him i text my friend straight away instead and she talks me out of replying to him saying things like 'he's just seeing if you'll reply so let him wonder'. Or as another suggestion, turn your phone off and do something else distracting for the next few hours until your hearts calmed down and you can think if its rationally worth it

Lady bug thanks for your reply, at this stage i know that since i'm 18 and he was my first bf i should use this opportunity to see what its like dating other people, and i would want to before/if anything was to happen between me and my ex in the future. I say this because he has been with another person in the past but then came back to me but i don't know any different from him (although i only ever wanted to marry him). I want us to be friends at some point, but i also hope that in a few years when we've both grown up some more there would be an opportunity to try again but by no means am i counting on that happening... I've read on some other peoples posts that if there was any hope of getting together again in the future that its best to live separate lives in the mean time then initiate contact. Is it possible to be friends now and date around (although i have no desire to date anyone at the moment) and have any chance of being together say 3 years from now? Right now i feel ok with how things are because i know its for the best. However the thought of him with another girl does make my stomach feel yuck...but at the same time i know he would need that experience dating other people like i need it. Then that text last night with him saying he hasn't been with anyone or even looked twice made me feel really happy. The first time we broke up i was 16 and he slept with another girl, the 2nd time he tried to get me back after a week realising his mistake and made a point of telling me he hadn't been with any other girl. Is he trying to make me feel better? Reassuring me the break up was for him to get his life on track and not for another girl? Do i make any sense?? I sent a text to him with the details..i rung the number myself first and it was from a financial place about overdue accounts and i'm left wondering why they rung MY cell phone...eek i hope i'll get my money back that he owes

majord, haha no it was definitely a bored sounding older man asking for him to call a particular number between the business hours of blah blah and to quote a certain number... Yes i will definitely pass the message on... So is the opinion that i pass it on friendly and leave it at that? If he replies asking how i'm doing would it be rude not to answer? I think i'll just say i'm doing well and ask him if he could pay me the money back he owes because i'll need it for university fees

Yeah see that was my reason for ignoring his texts...he was a coward and dumped me over text (without a reason), then a call 5 minutes later informing me he had an addiction and was currently driving towards his new home town.. Although we broke up for a good reason, it really hurt he couldn't do it in person because he hates confrontation and felt i'd change his mind if he saw me in person...and thats why i've told myself he wont be in my life unless he apologises.. Still we went out for 3.5 years and he's my first everything and I shouldn't ignore him when he's telling me about how his life is getting on track.. oh im so confused

Thank you everyone your posts have given me a new perspective... I feel incredibly selfish now, he did leave for a good reason and repeatedly told me it was nothing i did but 1 bad decision to try p at a party got him addicted and he needed to get his life back on track and i couldn't be with him while that happened because he didn't want to drag me down with him... wow i've been mean...i told him i'd support him and i haven't. I was just so hurt and everyone seemed to saying nc is the way to go...

Awdree, yes i think that getting clean was his real motivation and i'm so proud of him for taking that initiative to move towns and get help from his sister who has gotting clean off the very same drug and has stayed off it. I kinda feel guilty because when he told me he had gotten down the wrong path and got addicted i said i was proud of him for wanting to get clean and that i would support him...and i havent been by ignoring him have i? Locke, he basically text me and then rung me saying that he's sorry but his life has to change and he's ending the relationship and moving to tauranga which is a town 1.5 hours away. I couldn't have gone if i wanted because i go to university here. Also i had told him in the past that if he lied again that was it, his chance with me was ruined. I suppose in admitting he lied he realised he'd messed up and had to leave.. I know that he still loves me, and i love him, but as he said in our last phone call when we broke up we just aren't right together right now. He said he still loves me, and doesn't want any other girl, but his life had to change he had to move towns to get a job, get clean and start fresh (and it sounds like he's doing well). He also said he needed to grow up because i was more mature than he was and while he wanted marriage and kids by 21 i wanted to get my degree and travel. He also said maybe in a few years we'll be on the same page again and who knows what might happen. He was my best friend, he knows me better than anyone and i miss his friendship greatly

I think the best idea would be to pass on the message the only reason i haven't already is that i set myself a goal of 60 days nc and its about that in 5 days.... I guess i've been ignoring him because isn't that what nc is about? Not answering them? I suppose it was justifiable ignoring him when he dumped me over text and had lied about being on drugs but then i think well now he's apologised and he does seem to have made himself a better life in another town which i'm happy for him for. This is our 3rd breakup. The first time i did the usual begging, the 2nd time i did nc for a month and when i started talking again he starting winning me over with his charm. This time its different, he's in another town so i'm not in danger of getting back with him: this time is permanent. I guess i'm being selfish in thinking, he dumped me over text why should i give him the satisfaction of being in his life this year at all...i suppose i've acted as though i've fallen off the face of the earth and i feel like this might make him realise how much he took me for granted now that i'm no longer there for him phew sorry guess that was a vent! thanks for your replies, i think i'll wait for a few hours and send the details to him in a text

My ex dumped at the beginning of december and I set myself a goal of 60 days nc so that I could heal properly. My 60 days will be up in a week and everyones been saying how strong I am to have stuck with it. So far he has text me about 10 times general how are you texts but i've ignored them and he hasn't sent more than 1 text at a time with a gap of about 2 weeks. Last night he text me asking how i was. He sent me 3 texts after that saying he's just letting me know that he's quit smoking and is biking 20kms a day and feeling good (he dumped me because he needed to move towns to get away from his bad crowd and get clean off drugs he got addicted to). He said it would be nice to know how i am? i didn't text back and next i got a text saying he knows i'm awake coz he can feel it but the only thing he doesn't know right now is why he gets no reply. Again i ignored (it was so hard to) the last text he sent me was to tell me that he hasn't been with another girl or even looked twice, he's sorry he lied and hurt me so bad and could i plz text him back to let him know i'm ok, and he wants us to be friends. Ironically yesterday i had reached a point where i had accepted the situation, made feeling letter of forgiveness (it helps so much btw its in the book mars and venus: starting over. very recommended) and could finally look back and not feel angry or too sad, but happy at the experience we had together. I told myself he couldn't be in my life unless he apologised..i guess he has now. This morning i got a voicemail left on my phone by a man asking him to ring a number and quote a reference. I'm wondering if i should break my last week of nc until my goal of 60 days to pass this message on. I'm not the type of girl who couldn't pass this on as i think its from the job he applied for when we were together.... Any suggestions? Should i pass it on, and not talk about anything else or answer his reply text? I'm not ready to be friends yet but i'd love him in my life in the future maybe 6 months or a year from now.. thanks for reading

Hey sasha i know how you feel, it really sucks! My bf broke up with me in december and all the lies came out, he too was doing a class A drug that he swore he hated as he had to watch his sister and brother struggle with the addiction. Not an hour goes by that i don't think of him and get sad..its like he was my addiction and i'm having withdrawels. Like you i know that he's not worth it, and yet i can't stop my thoughts of him, no matter what i'm doing. I think the only thing we can do is to think, yeah there were good times but the person who broke up with us was a different person...not the wonderful lovely guy we first started dating but a weak coward who started doing drugs, and this ultimately changed them into the person who broke up with us...the person who right now isn't worth our tears or thoughts...believe me i know its hard but the only thing we can try do is accept that they made their choice to go down this path in life, and that we're way better than this and we will find someone else who will treat us WAY better than them... NC is the only way to go..i'm on day 48 and it still hurts like anything (especially when they try text you like friends) but i've made a promise to myself that he's not worth being in my life, even remotely as an aqaintence until a few years have gone by, he's grown up, and has sincerely apologised to me. I'm sure not gonna break my promise to myself because i know i deserve better and so do you! Sorry i don't have much advice to give but i hope knowing someone else is going through what you are helps, and i think thinking about them is normal for some months but if its 6 months on and this is still the same then i'd advise getting professional help. Tell yourself you wont let them rule your life, only you have the power to let them rule your life by not moving on...acknowledge the good times, get angry about the horrible way he treated you, then tell yourself he's not worth anymore of your thoughts.

This is by a New Zealand band called Elemeno P advice about letting go.. One left standing Take a lesson from this heart As it was broken And I know you're torn apart With what was spoken But only if you could see What is clear and dear to me Take a lesson from this heart One left standing is the One left stranded is the One left crying in the dark And now it's clear to me Just like this night can be We sell ourselves so short until we let it go Take a lesson from this heart As it was broken And I know you're torn apart So from one friend to a friend Hearts break, they blend they Mend Take a lesson from this heart One left standing is the One left stranded is the One left crying in the dark And now it's clear to me Just like this night can be Well sell ourselves so short until we let it go So let it, let it go

Thanks Believe me its really really really hard! He's text me twice more saying he needs to ask me a question and can i text back to let him know I'm there. I'm telling you its taking all of my energy and will power not to text back. People say I can do better, but I still love him...writing down my first post made me realise he's taken my trust and love for granted and yet I still want to believe there's good in him thats worthy of my love. However, I've never been with anyone else so how can i compare? He thinks that if he saw me i'd be lovey dovey to get him back, and me not replying must be shocking him! I'm having a good day....tomorrow my resolve might be a whole lot lower. Please God don't let my curiosity ruin my 4 weeks n.c!

Well this morning I woke up to a text on my 027 phone from my ex saying 'how was your new year? txt me in the morning and turn on your 021 cos thats the only phone i can text off k. sweet dreams.' Well i'm not going to text back and I'm not even going to turn my 021 on because that was the phone we used to contact each other and its been switched off for the 3 and half weeks i've been doing n.c. Just writing to say i'm proud i didn't text back, he thinks i miss him well now he's going to know i'm gone from his life. Yay me!

Thanks for your reply, I know I have my whole life in front of me and I guess I have let him get away with too much...I just love him and want to see the good in him triumph over the bad. Maybe it will and maybe it wont..I'm trying to let go and understand that its out of my control he made his choice to leave my life and thats his choice to make. Its just so hard because I know that he is too immature and not right for me right now...but i miss him and i love him. And i end up feeling stupid because i can rationally see that I need to find someone who will treat me better, and yet I miss the good times and feel that maybe in a few years he'll have grown up and if i n.c for that whole time we could start afresh with friendship at least. I am trying so hard to not contact him, and i wont for at least 6 months...i hope. I guess it's easier because he doesn't want to contact me now either but I don't know how I will ignore him when he does contact me. I miss him and want him in my life..eventually

I've decided I'll be brave and post my situation and any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated...if not it will just be good to vent this off my chest. Sorry this is so long!!! 3 weeks ago my b.f of 3.5 years broke up with me and apart from 2 occasions which i think were neccesary i've implemented n.c I should mention that this is the 3rd time he has dumped me I'm 18 and he's 19. We started going out when i had just turned 15 he was/is my first love...my first everything. I come from a stable family where he comes from imo a very disfunctional one (he met his dad for the 1st time at 8, his mums a manipulative alcoholic, both his younger sister and brother have overcome a P addiction and are promiscuous). The first time we broke up was in feb 2005 due to very bad communication on both our parts, we only communicated via text and things got misinterpreted. For the 2 months we were broken up he was sleeping with this girl aliesha on a daily basis, who had a reputation as being promiscuous. I did all the wrong things begged, pleaded, text constantly then the moment i gave up and decided to move on he came back to me begging for forgiveness, that he aleisha had only made him realise how much i meant to him because he felt nothing for her. I forgave him and things went well...apart from the fact i couldn't get her out of my mind and i guess it was bad on my part that i would constantly compare her to myself in my mind.. Then in feb 2006, 3 weeks after our first holiday away together he dumped me out of nowhere. That week my uncle had died and i think i put up a wall to protect myself. I cried for my uncle once and for my ex once then that was it, i seemed to have no feelings of sadness..i was numb. 1 week later on valentines day he text me that he wanted to come over and play a board game with me and be friends. I told him he just dumped me he can't expect me to be friends. I never heard from him until 1 month later when i started my first year at uni and it was exciting, i didn't know anyone so it took up all my thoughts. He text me wondering how uni was going, 2 days later i sent a simple ' i've been thinking about it and i forgive you' text. We started texting as friends and 1 month later on my 18 birthday he admitted he was foolish for dumping me and he did it because he started doing weed and it messed with his mind, he made a bad impulsive decision to end things and he had regretted it ever since and had stopped doing it when he saw that damage it had done. This time i was more weary. I loved him but he had dumped me twice. I told him i didn't trust that he wouldn't just dump me again and he'd have to earn my trust and prove to me he was genuine. For the next few months he did just that and i decided i'd give him this last chance. That was in june and up until the beginning of october things were perfect, i was unbelievably happy, my parents commented how changed he was for the better now he was out flatting (in a town 20 mins away) and had seemed to have matured. However in late october he lost his licence for speeding and quit his apprenticeship job in the same week. He moved to my city and stayed with his older brothers..he always seemed down and was snappy at his brothers, he alway seemed tired and some nights couldn't sleep. for the first time we had about 2 arguments over nothing. He seemed to text less and the week he broke up with me i saw him only once because he was sick. The week before he spent almost everyday with me (because he had no job) which was so nice because in the past 3.5 years we saw each other only once or twice a week. The night before he dumped me we talked on the phone. I suggested that he was depressed and he said that yeah he thinks he might just be. I started crying that in the last month his personality has changed and i was scared for him because he's always sad and snappy and hardly contacts me now, he started crying that he was a horrible b.f. I said we'll now we can get through this together. The next day we had a silly argument because he had no money and i wanted to pay for him to see the doctor, but he wouldn't because he already owed my over $600.. he got $100 a week and spent it all the previous weekend on his brothers stag do. A few hours later he dumped me over text saying that alot of things have changed in his life, that i'd be better off without him, that it's gonna take a while to get back on his feet, that i'll find another boy and live happily ever after, that we're 2 different people raised with 2 different beliefs but was glad we both stuck together to give it this one last try. That it has been great and not to hate him coz he's just done what's best for us both. When i tried to ring he text back he doesn't want to think about it, just know that there was no other girl and that i'm free now, and i can't say we didn't try. He then rung me crying saying not to hate him but he'd been lying to me..he tried P at a party a month ago and got addicted and had it everyday ever since and in the past week had been doing to with a girl keryn (i knew she was a crack hore and told him...) and now he has to move back to his home city where his sister is and she is going to help him get clean and he will start fresh. The first day i rung him only to give him the number of a drug helpline because i care for him still and want him to get clean. I then started n.c. 1 week later he text me that he called the number and he helped to talk but he still felt like poo being off it. That he found a new job and he's not living here anymore so if i gave him my account number he'd wire through the money he owed me asap. I text back a simple ' my account number is....keep staying strong. XXXX has my parcel for you' which was his xmas present which i had no need for. Within 5 minutes he was at my friends house to pick it up. He asked her to go to his brothers wedding which is jan 20th as he can't turn up alone and that he'd been offered sex but he didn't take it coz they were sluts. Last night (new years eve) my friend went to the beach (where he lives) and he apparently randomly turned up at her tent. She told him that i was meant to have gone with her and asked him what he would have done if i did. He said he'd have run coz i would have been lovey dovey and he would have gone awwww and turned to mush. sorry this has been so long. When we broke up he said he still loved me and that one of the reasons is coz he wanted to get married and have kids by 21 and i wanted to travel first. He kept hinting that he had an engagement ring for me but i kept telling him i didn't want to marry young. But now he's gone its all i want. I wish that we had stayed together and beat his addiction together and gotten married because i love him so much. He said maybe in a few years we could be together but not right now because he's got a lot of growing up to do and is not mature enough for me. I'm wondering do you think he just wants to know what its like dating and being single because his brother kept getting on his case that he's only been with 2 girls and that him and his fiance broke up for a few years to sleep around then they got back together and now they getting married. I think that since we were both in a serious relationship since 15 that we were too young to be so serious. I think i need to experience other guys and him other girls...it just hurts to think of him with other girls. 6 months down the line should i try be friends, or should i cut him out of my life completely and maybe 2 years down the track see if we can give it another go? Again sorry for writing a book length story