DarkWolf

Ok about drawing, everyone used to say my drawings sometimes show my emotions. Is this showing any? They used to say it sometimes and I thought it didn't but I was young then and I need some opinions. I hate this one because I get better and better at drawing. And I did get better anyway can you see any hidden messages in there? I just don't understand anything... link removed

I came back home crying because another dream came true. I'm starting to think that I'm really going to commit it. I don't get out of the house much because I don't get invited. After that last post I starting using my nails again. At school I started useing a pencil and scartched myself and used pens and now I have A bruise that has a little hole from where i started. It's getting worse and worse everyday. I'm starting to think I'm gonna commit it. It's not just girls. It's just that I think nobody cares about me because I haven't been invited anywhere since at least 3rd grade. This person saw me and started telling everyone. This one person said go ahead be my guest kill yourself. He said he didn't care. This other person said who would do that. This other person asks why. It was way noticeable. I'm not sure but I think someone saw me do it at lunch and got ticked and she showed a pen mark and I didn't know why she did it. Maybe because she noticed at lunch or this person I hate told her. I don't know if she was threatening me she would do the same or what. I stopped and then 3 dreams came true in that one day. And like I said on the top I had a dream of suicide. I'm starting to think is true. I guess I'm gonna be dead at some time during the summer. I never said suicide they just took It that way. This is another reason why I can't talk to anyone about this...

I'm feeling a little bit better. I just hope this never happens again. Thanks for your help.

That's is partly what is holding me back too what you just said but It seems it may get worse.

I am really shy and I don't usually like to start a conversation. I have tried talking to someone but they just threatened me to tell someone which made me more suicidal for some reason. Everyone I know has had a girlfriend except me. Even my brother has and now my brother is getting picked on at school for some stupid reason. My enemy's are a nicer to me for some reason. Life may be getting better but I can't stand attension. I just don't like it. It's just because I may do something stupid during the conversation. One period goes to laughing to complete saddness. It's like people are playing with my emotions. It's not funny. It's making me feel worse and worse. I can't stand it. I just don't like teasing even if it's playing. Some people don't care if thier friends do but I do. Some reason I talk better on the internet. I have a lot of friends but it's just I don't know who I am. Also I have never been labeled. I never knew my birth mother or my father. I was adopted because my real mother wanted me to have a father. Some reason most of my friends are girls. I am really shy and I think they would be sad if I even told them this. I don't want anyone emotionly hurt. I just hate trying to kill myself. I really don't want to kill myself but since I really can't talk around my friends... It seems like the only possible choice... I just don't want anyone hurt emotionly when I die though and that's whats holding me back. My brother once when he was 12 took up a knife and threatened to kill himself one day. My family is not falling apart just my life outside. I have never been invited to any parties except 5 and one was mine. 6th grade was the last party I went to and I haven't been to one six years. But that was mine. Now I just don't care about my birthday. I don't care about most holiday's. I don't like to get out of the house. But this is part of which is tearing me apart...

Don't worry I don't think it's bad. I have tried that and it is good advice but It just didn't work for me. It might have if I tried more but I just gave up. I'm just so down I just don't think I can be helped in any way. I do trust most of my friends and the ones I do I just don't trust them with this topic. It feels like they made matters worse. I just don't think anything can help me...

I'm afraid of it getting worse if I talk to someone and I don't like the attension. I just feel like It may get worse. Sometimes I wished there was a sniper out by my window. Dear God help me...

5 times I have tried to commit suicide. I would sometimes use a rope and try to wrap my neck until i would start gagging and sometimes left it on longer till it felt like I was cut. I would grab my neck with my hands and choke myself and one time my nails went into my neck and It was bleeding but it didn't hurt. My whole face was reddish-pink every time. I would punch myself till it hurt so bad sometimes I couldn't breathe that easy. I would cut myself on the neck and arms with sissors, pencils, and my own nails until the pain wouldn't go away. I have 5 scars still visible on my arms but no one notices at school and I still have 3 scars on my neck from last attempt. I'm scared. I don't wanna die but at the same time I do. I'm thinking it may get worse, and it does. I haven't had a girlfriend but still get called a gentlemen. I am sometimes very nice. I have tried suicide by getting so cold that when I walked in the school I was shaking for more than 30 mins. Still nobody notices because no one cares. I have gotten in trouble today for something really stupid. I don't wanna die. Also I have had dreams about some stuff and they acially came true. What really scares me is one dream was about me commiting suicide in my bed. I don't think that's good since my dreams always came true in the future. Everyone is nice to me but I still want to commit suicide. I'm afraid. I don't see how you think it's possible to dream of reality but i'm not lying. If I dont stop I may end up acially killing myself in the summer which seems likely enough to happen to me. My friend said don't and I said I wouldn't but now I can't get the thought out of my head. Right now I think I should take a knife and slash myself till I bleed and die. People are are making fun of me a little and they don't notice it at all. I'm fine with my family. They know I have done this. I just can't stop. I want my life to end. I think I laugh too much in school and I hate it. I hate not having anyone. I hate the way I look even though I look a little normal. I hate not having anyone that cares. No one not noticing. I just want to end my life. I'm afraid and frightened. I hate my school even though a lot of people are really kind. I hate everything about me. I just wish my life will end quick before I go further till I acially kill myself. Only 2 people that are my friends know about this. Just yesterday I had tried yet another suicide attempt. Also today too but it wasn't as bad as the ones when I walked around feeling so hot that I was sweating from being choked from a rope. During that time I had tried to hang myself. All attempts failed. Please I need help... I don't think I'll even survive before I'm 15 or 16. I don't think I'll live before I even get a date. People say I don't look the suicidal type but I am. I am now crying. I want to die, just die and I think I will if I don't stop... I never want to talk about cause I think it would make matters worse. I hate attension and I'm a little shy and I can't talk about this. When you look at me I am smiling but deep inside I am suicidal.

All this made me . I thought life was bad too sometimes and I wanted to commit suicide. I started scraching myself, one time I did it so much I'm guessing that you could say I was attacked by hundreds of cats. No really. I'm like was saying life sucks. I would scratch my legs arms and and face. Then life started to get a little better. Then I got some friends that were the opposite sex help me out. I didn't mension the term suicide but I talked about the things that made me want to comit it. They were feeling sry for me so I felt a little bit better. I started standing up for others and myself. I soon felt better about myself. I soon didn't care what others thought about me. I was too an A student and a B. My parents didn't care what I made so I was happy for that part. If anyone could help, it would be someone your close to as a friend. I felt bad for 13 years of my life and half of the year of the 14th it got better. Your still young and still don't know what the world holds for you. If you got rejected it's b/c God knows that wasn't the person you would be happy with. You will find someone in your life. I still haven't found a person yet but I've heard people in highschool don't care what the looks are anymore, It's your personality. I've heard this about everyday and even people that have rejected me said that too. Life life the fullest. Who knows. You could be the only one who survives at your school. The people making fun of you... Just ignore them. You will get used to it. If you don't give in to it they will stop. I've ignored them so much nobody has tried to do that to me for a while. They may of once or twice but hey, no ones perfect. My brother gets treated like **** but he hasn't even tryed suicide. The only time he has was when he was 13 and he threatoned to kill himself with a knife. My mother and I think I was more worried about this. I'm the sensitive type of guy but I'm ok with that. I would cry and my mother would ask what's wrong. I would tell her that I don't want him to comit suicide. She would also say this. Your mother... You know what... Shes kinda like what my brother acted after he heard this. He would act like for me to suck it up and stuff. The next thing I knew I was crying with him. Sure my family doesn't always get along and sure I may of wanted to comit suicide. But what if I did? What if I gave up the life I would have in the future? What If I did comit it? I would lose everything I have gained now. My brothers respect. My closests friends. My family even though they sound like they dont care. They really do. The help from others on problems. I'm still getting adjusting to my mother and it has gotten a little better. Think this though. If your mother didn't care about you, then why would she help you in a crisis? If she didn't care she would just let you die. I'm not kidding. Drugs is not the answer. Get up on your feet and live life the fullest. We may have a bad days and sometimes in a row but they get better. Sometimes they may get worse but hey, keep praying. God really does care. If he didn't care we would all die in hell with misery and dispair. He sacrificed his son for us. Does that mean anything? People really do care about you. More people would like to get to know you better too. If your shy, it's sometimes why this is happening. There has to be at least one person who wants to be your friend. They could even be the ones taunting you, the person in the corner, or the person who really needs help in a place like this world. Please and I say please do not comit suicide. Haven't you noticed all the people trying to help you out on the forums? People really do care. I'm even a boy which makes it weird that I'm posting and I'm also thinking what the other people online might think of me posting this. I don't care though. If they laugh at stuff at this then they should just get lost and go somewhere else. Even if they did post something bad... I don't care and you shouldn't either of what others think about you... Just live the life. You could be the only person that has many close friends. Many chances of relationships. Many chances of anything. Just remember this. If you do comit suicide I could be crying the second after you die.

Does anyone have anything before its Monday? Also she is in the popular group I'm guessing and I'm sorta in all the groups. How the heck can I be in all the groups I don't know but anyway, I just never had a date so that's why I'm asking so plz respond

When I'm interested in someone I usually smile. Has he ever smiled when he looks at you, or do you catch him looking at you when your not? Try looking at his facial expressions. Also try smiling to him and see if he smiles back. The more you do there is a chance he would smile a bit more. If he's smiling automaticaly then I would say theres a chance he likes you. Also see if he smooths his hair or anything. I hope this helps a little. Mostly its all the face.

I know she she is flirting with me. One day people were making her laugh and she would keep looking at me. She would smile everytime and she looked at me every 2 minutes. The bell rings and she gets the door and holds it. She was talking to her friend so I slowly walk out of the room so I could say something. She stops and I say thank you. She says your welcome and she was in the same position "I'm Guessin" as I was when I held it for her once. Should I ask her out? What to do? When I left school I still had the memory of her. And I'm feeling confident to ask her but when should I and how?

She just said she wasn't going to post again and besides the fact... Amethyst is right. Don't change the subject. Anyway if I cared I wouldn't sacrifice the persons career if this happened when I'm older. He's moving so what's the point. Even though he might want to know if she liked him. What's the point unless they meet again? The world is big. What's the chances of that?

May I have some comments, A tip or two?

Sry It took so long I was busy. Ok, She dosn't use these signals at anyone else so I'm still confused. She has complemented me on being kind. I was handing out like 10 pens to everyone one day(They needed them to work on essays, but not to keep) and she said that I was very kind. I gave a pen someone and he said thank you and i didn't say anything. Now she says to say your welcome and I stalled then said it but I wasn't looking at the person I was looking at her. Then he's like looking at her and acting like "Does he have to say that at all?", he was the kind of person who didn't care about that "your welcome". I gave her a pen of her favorate color b/c she didn't have one of that. She tryed throwing it to me but hit someones head. So she just laughed with me and just walked up and gave it to me. Then the day after that she throw it again and I wasn't paying attention like always "When she throws the pens" and she missed again and her friend picked it up and gave it to me. Now today she has flipped her hair and during the day a lot of class clowns were making her laugh but when she was red she was looking at me. I can't tell if it was a blush or what. Her head was somewhat down but still looking. She looked over at me a little more than last time and mostly it was when I was looking at her. She always says thank you when I hold the door but I hold the door whenever.