janeke1

Dear - If you are a Physics and Computing major, then we know you don't belong at JL! If you can hack it though, stay there and make them work with your school schedule. You are probably the best employee they have and they would be stupid not to accommodate you. Glad I could be of help! Jan P.S. 90% of your customers will be a pain in the a**. However, if you do meet some cool ones, grab their business cards. I got my first job out of college from a regular customer who thought that since I was such a good waitress, that I would probably be a good employee at his production company. He turned out to be a majorly awful boss (I liked him much more as a customer) but the job was a really good stepping stone.

Pyralis - All changes involve risk. You have to be willing to take a chance. You may be thinking, "Easy for you to say" but trust me, I have definitely experienced some down and out times and I know what it means to go without. Still, there is your soul to consider. I hope you don't mind me saying this, but it is clear to me you are too smart for jiffy lube. You probably already know that and I would guess that is part of the depression. I think that it is really important to have things to look forward to in life, so sometimes you have to create those things yourself. (Besides that, you are probably bored out of your mind at work and being bored just leads to depression.) If leaving your job is too risky financially, you might consider going back to school even if the class you want is not available. Sounds to me like you were close to getting a degree - there must be other classes you still need to take. Don't be afraid. I actually dropped out of college the first time because I was depressed and failing. I actually thought I wasn't university material for many years. Once I realized that school might be the only way out of dead-end jobs, I put my mind to doing well. School became a pleasure and I got good grades because it satisfied the part of me that being a waitress or secretary did not. I worked full time and went to school full time. I don't know how I found the energy but I did! I began to feel a lot better about myself because I was accomplishing something. I did become more social and outgoing because I had a lot more confidence. I know it's not easy. You are young (to me at least) and you have the responsibility of helping your mom out. That says to me, however, that you are obviously a really capable, responsible and intelligent person. Now you need to take those qualities and focus on making a better future for yourself. Again, hope this helps! Jan P.S. Thanks for the pop-up info. I'll give the adware stuff a try!

I don't know if the men get better, but I know for sure that the women do. I've noticed that since I hit forty, I feel a lot better about myself and I care a lot less about what other people think. I would laugh in the face of the 30-something man who said that 30-something women are frustrated and reply, "No, only the women you meet are frustrated - because they have to deal with YOU!" I have had many relationships - some have been good, some bad. I have learned that many people do in fact, cheat. In fact, I read a survey recently that 80% of people in long term relationships stray. Maybe monogamy is something we are really not designed to do. The interesting thing about being in the 40's is that I am finding it is my female friends who are cheating on their spouses - or they are moving to other cities to start new lives. After 10 to 20 years of marriage, they are finding that their husbands cannot give them what they need. I find this sad, but at the same time, I understand now that human beings have infinite sides to their natures and I have found that no one can totally give you everything you need. I think that a person needs to become as completely self-reliant as possible (I mean spiritually and emotionally) to have a good relationship with another person. At the moment, I am single. About a year and a half ago, I met a man who really seemed interested in being long-term and wow, all of a sudden the possibility of marriage came up. You know, I felt very girlish and I will tell you honestly that a deep part of me was flowing with happiness. In spite of being a super-independent woman, I know that inside, I'd love the opportunity to share life with someone forever in eternal bliss. Well, the man very suddenly freaked out and I ended up breaking it off because he became abusive. It was a very very hard time. I really started to think, "Maybe I am just not meant to have a mate." You know, years and years of men in and out and you still have hope. Since then, however, I have begun to feel different. I contemplate the possibility that I will be alone the rest of my life and I ask myself, "Well, how can I make the most of it?" Sometimes, I do feel down about it, but in many ways, this has been a really positive thing. I am now going back to graduate school and I revamped my career (finally making the money I deserve - or almost.) I started thinking about what I truly want and started going after it. I am no longer stuck, waiting for the right guy, which I think, for many years, I was. (You would never know this from my exterior, but it was an unconscious thing that kept me blocked and from fully pursuing my goals.) I will tell you also, that I haven't lost any of my femininity in this process and I am still meeting men all the time. I just feel very differently about things now, knowing that I am growing more comfortable with the possibility of being on my own for many years to come. Many people will tell you that life is better after 40 - and they are right. Jan

Pyralis - I read your post and I thought about it for a long time. It seems to me that you are not only unhappy because friends are not around, but because you need a life change. The years after high school are hard because friends drift away, but usually people make new friends through college or work. If you are not making friends at work, it is often because you have a job that does not reflect your interests. (Example: after high school I worked as a secretary at a tax accountant's. He was an old guy whose wife came in to work periodically. It was a very family-like setting. He had an old partner and old clients. It was a very bad winter and I was new to town. I spent a lot of money on long distance calling friends back home.) I didn't want to work in the tax world, so I got a job at a video production company a year later, and met people who, like me, liked to go out and see movies, or have dinner and drinks, etc. I have had many jobs since and have always found that my social life is better when I am in a situation that at least somewhat reflects what I like to do. Another option is going back to school. School is very enriching, and may force you to come out of your shell. You will also make friends and education increases your options in life. Hope this helps, Jan p.s. can anyone tell me how to block these annoying pop-ups?

Sometimes people react very strangely when they think people are being too dependent on them and I think that you probably need to find another way to get home - at least some of the time. The other possibility is you are simply together too much. How did you get home before? My suggestion would be that you try doing your own thing for awhile. Don't make a big deal announcement out of it. Just tell your friend that you have another ride (like your mom is working half day or something,) and then, if necessary, take the bus. I will bet you that it will improve your relationship. Good Luck! J