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Fanasta2004 Well yes it was a great relationship until the last month or so. One of the best I have had. So yeah I would say I would be willing to put alot into keeping her if possible. There is no sure thing here I relize, except for the friendship. I would like more. But on the other side there is uncertainty in all relationships.

Well my GF and seem to have broke it off after 6 months. I have a little more understanding of whats going on than I originally did. It seems that there are many holes in her life and issues: "No friends, job problems, memories of an dead fiance, relocating" Any way she says the door has not slammed shut on our relationship, its just that she needs to be friends until she can sort some of these things out. She says none of what's happing has anything to do with me and I deserve to be treated better. That there is no way that any one person can fill these holes in her life. We have decided to be friends with a goal of it becoming a loving relationship again or just remaining friends. It will depend on how it goes. I don't want to be to pushy here, as the first couple weeks we broke up were confusing for both of us. We will both tell each other if we decide to date again. I was thinking about having a night set aside once a week where we know we will see each other, but maybe again that is being too controlling. I did try to break it off telling her to call me if she thought we could work this out, but she started crying. She told me if I left that she would be all alone with no friends at all. She also understands that if I need some time to myself that, thats OK as long as we can stay friends. Not sure what to do here. Its still a little painful for me right now. I feel I could handle being her friend, I believe she's being honest with me. I have been down this road before. And for me I have had many lady friends from previous relationships. It takes me about the same amount of time to get over them wether I see them or not. Once I accept where we are at. Would like to have this work out. Any thoughts?

I've been in this relationship for about 6 months now. I'm 47 and she is 55. Things were great and we both seemed very much in love. There unfortunately have been some issues during the last few months. She has had alot of things going on in her life. A major move from a house she lived in for 20 years and the marriage of her daughter. These things caused her to be more distant from me. But I just figured she needed the support and I did support her going through these things. There were still many fun times even though we weren't as intense as when we first met. Except the Ballroom dancing that we have both always loved. It's been a bit of a roller coaster for me, because her feelings seem to run hot and cold. In the last few weeks though things seem to be getting harder for us. She had an intense relationship with someone 5 years ago that she was going to marry. This person had died before they could marry of a long term illness. The anniversary of this came up last week for her. We talked in great length about it. To put it in briefly she still has a lot of guilt issues with his death. There seemed to be even more distancing at this point, for instance not kissing me when I come in to greet her. Finally she told me she did not want to hurt me. But that she could not be available for me due to issues she still has about her dead fiancee, because in her words: "It was definitely affecting me and I knew SOMETHING was affecting our relationship. It is something that I know I have to deal with." She wants to try and work it out. But she says: "That is part of the reason that I have kept saying I don't want to hurt you....the more I seem/seemed to need some space or time to figure out what is going on inside of me, the more I seemed to be hurting you. " I asked her if we could be friends to see if she could work this out and agree to not see any one for a period of time. She agreed to this. I'm not sure how deeply she really cares for me or not. She tells me she's very mixed up. Her last email had the following items in it. Please continue to "be there"...I want you there...no need to apologize. Just be yourself, Mike. I appreciate YOU! " PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE....don't think I don't want to hear from you!" Now this sounds good but the last time I saw her, her actions don't seem to match. It sounds line she wants to have us maintain contact while she fiqures things out. But to be honest I need more guide lines. Maybe we could have like a date night once a week where we just go out and do something fun with no pressure. Just doing email and phone calls doesn't quite do it for me. I could do the NC thing I guess, we have both disscussed how we are not into the not talking to someone until they miss you "is kind of a game" But at this point I'll try anything. Thanks

Wow, thanks for the quick response. I know I just need to relax and take this relationship as it comes. It will either work or not. I have certainly learned my lesson, about not doing anything too rash, when you are so upset. They say never say never, but I guess if this is the worse thing I've done I shouldn't feel too bad. We were not married or engaged, we were just friends hoping to make this relationship work. I felt guilty because, I'm the one that suggested we shouldn't see any one else during this friendship. But, I can surely say I felt nothing for this person I had this brief interlude with. I could only bear to be in the act breifly. In fact in some odd way I understand more now why my girlfriend hasn't been able to be intimate with me while her thoughts have still been wrapped up in her dead fiancee. I think if she did the same to me during this time, I could forgive her also. But I don't think I would want to know about it. We are just in a hard place right now. I think I will just look at this friendship as a time to start fresh for both of us. She had alot of issues and I had mine. I will forgive both of us and see what happens. I will put this mistake of mine away in a safe place. And if I ever think of doing this again, I will use this as a reminder of how I felt. Thank you.

Mr. Confused and Guilty, I've been in this relationship for about 6 months now. I'm 47 and she is 55. Things were great and we both seemed very much in love. There unfortunately have been some issues during the last few months. She has had alot of things going on in her life. A major move from a house she lived in for 20 years and the marriage of her daughter. These things caused her to be more distant from me. But I just figured she needed the support and I did support her going through these things. There were still many fun times even though we weren't as intense as when we first met. It's been a bit of a roller coaster for me, because her feelings seem to run hot and cold. In the last few weeks though things seem to be getting harder for us. She had an intense relationship with someone 5 years ago that she was going to marry. This person had died before they could marry of a long term illness. The anniversary of this came up last week for her. We talked in great length about it. To put it in briefly she still has a lot of guilt issues with his death. There seemed to be even more distancing at this point, for instance not kissing me when I come in to greet her. Finally she told me she did not want to hurt me. But that she could not be available for me due to issues she still has about her dead fiancee, because in her words: "It was definitely affecting me and I knew SOMETHING was affecting our relationship. It is something that I know I have to deal with." She wants to try and work it out. I asked her if we could be friends to see if she could work this out and agree to not see any one for a period of time. She agreed to this. I'm not sure how deeply she really cares for me or not. She tells me she's very mixed up, but wants me to be there. I was hurt very badly. I had a hard time dealing with it. I did something stupid. I called up an old girl friend and went over there. I wasn't really planning on getting intimite with her but I knew she was this kind of lady. I was just hoping to get a fresh view on something. I had protected sex with her for about 60 seconds. But I couldn't do it because I still loved this other lady too much. In fact I told her I really didn't want to do this before we got started, but she insisted, lets just have fun she said. Nobody was holding a gun to my head though. Now I feel very guilty. I would still like to see if this old relationship will work, but I feel like I have cheated. I don't want what I have done to effect how I relate to this person. I think it would be unwise to admit what I have done to her I think, espially where the relationship is now. I have never cheated on anyone before. I was married for 10 years. Any thoughts on dealing with this?