wanderer

i say ask her out before the other guys does. ask her out to something casual like coffee or something, don't make it into a date type thing. it will give her a chance to hang out with you and just you, so she can see for herself how great you are.

you have not only the right to say something to him, but the obligation. i don't want to make him sound like a bad guy but i think he doesn't understand that not all girls move at the same speed he does. next time, before you start doing intense stuff, just tell him gently that you're not ready for the heavy stuff just yet. i think he'll understand. i know that when i wanted to do that kind of stuff with my girlfriend, i always made sure to ask her first, without pressuring her to say yes.

just remember that no means no. he'll probably be cool with that.

i was reading about this in your earlier post. this was an interesting read too.

i think you played that extrememly well, man. you get my applause for keeping cool when your sis comes in to start trouble. sounds like you really made an impact on the girl you were with, too.

again, nice job 8)

me too except i can keep a nice goatee going. my female friends tell me my faicial hair is cute.

what are girls' preference on facial hair here?

did he say she's not right for him? or did you say that?

i'd say ask around. see if you can gather info on their history together. it may sound weird but if it's only recently that they started going out and if she's really not right for him then you have a shot.

this is a tough situation to be in, and one that i was in when i was dating my ex. i can say from experience that the worst part about being paranoid about your partner's loyalty is when your fears are proved true. that happened to me, my ex would always say she was "just friends" with this one guy that i was suspiscious of (he's also one her ex bfs) so i took her word for it and trusted that she wouldn't cheat on me. i was wrong. she had been seeing the guy on and off while we were dating, and was one of the main reason why she dumped me (though she doesn't admit it) so in all honesty i can totally understand your anxiety about this and i can say nothing negative about it based on my experience in the same situation. i know what it's like.

i will say that if it really bothers you, you should sit him down and calmly tell him how you feel about it and why it bothers you. don't point fingers, don't start yelling and/or crying. he sounds like he should be able to understand your feelings and should give honest reassurance.

if they like you, it seems like they're smiling whenever you speak. you could be talking about genital herpes but she'll still be grinning and listening to every word.

i'm interested to see if any females on this forum agree with us guys... they probabnly have totally different answers lol.

yea, the trick is to get out and do stuff with your friends. i find that it helps me to stop thinking about myself, which always makes me upset cause i'm dealing with a break-up too so i get those ego ups and downs. i also find that i don't follow my own advice as much as i should.

my girl dumped me and i've been the same way for the first month or so. sometimes i hate her guts and barely give her a nod when i walk by her in the halls at school. other times i stop her to make small talk. sometimes i find her sitting down and i sit with her and we talk about how we're doing.

i feel your pain man. i'm in the same situation except my ex just kinda left all of the sudden, for another guy a week later. i'd say don't take it too harshly as your fault, cause if she didn't have another guy on her list, she probably wouldn't have left you. girls just freak out sometimes and don't know what they want. it sucks, and i don't know how to deal with it either. all i can say for sure is that you're not alone. just work on making yourself into everything she'd wish she could have, but now that you're gone from her life, she can't have it.

i think you should sit him down in a room without a tv, fridge or computer and tell him what's going on. more importantly, tell him why you're going through difficulty and that you want (and rightly deserve) his care and help (that doesn't mean shower you with cash, but at least be there for you and give you advice) i think this will open his eyes to the problem and he will begin to change. i can't guaruntee this will work, since i'm young and never had this kind of problem before, but i think if he still doesn't seem to respond to a conversation like this then it's time to start thinking about getting rid of him because he's not going to be there for you when you need him to be, and that's not a healthy relationship.

good luck, i wish you the very best.

i think the problem comes from the fact that i feel like to really recover from the break-up, i need no contact. i doubt she's ever read sites like enotalone so she probably doesn't understand there's a term like this for absolutely no contact between the exs. i want to not see her or have to talk to her, and while i know i have to see her every now and then in the halls or whatnot, i want to explain to her what no contact means and why i need it to recover from what she did to me. i know this sounds kinda selfish and needy, but i don't think she has a right to push me around like she did and expect me to just get over it without her doing anything to understand my feelings. her way of going about it is to ignore my problems and solve her own by doing everything she can to forget that she had me as a boyfriend, and it really hurts to say that because it means that i can tell she's doing it; she's never been good at acting.

but what do you think? should i confront her about this, or am i really not her problem anymore? i'm confused about what i should be feeling and how she should be feeling about it.

i'm not really sure how to deal with shyness (i'm a shy guy) but i'd suggest talking to him in the company of friends (preferably if they know and like both of you) that way you can work on seeing the guy and talking to him with less pressure. walk before you fly.

i've written here a few times about how my ex girlfriend dumped me cause she was feeling guilty about cheating on me (that didn't stop her from continueing to see the guy she was cheating on me with after she dumped me) and we go to the same school so i still see her all the time (her new boyfriend goes to a different school) we had many of the same friends but now they hate her for what she did to me, but they won't come out and say it to her. all i want to do is forget about her and enjoy being single and hanging out with my friends, but she keeps showing up everywhere i hang out at school, and my friends don't really want her there in the first place. she knows my friends don't really like her, and she knows how much she hurt me when she dumped me, but she still goes everywhere i like to go and act like nothing ever happened.

i'm getting better with dealing with the break-up, but every time i see her face i feel like my recovery process gets set back. it just seems like she has no shame. i realize that she has to right to go where she wants and it's not my decision on where she goes or what she does, but just having her in the same room as me is just painful for me. we have a dance coming up at school which i'm not planning to go to because she and her new boyfriend will be there. i've stopped going to the clubs that we both are members of because she still goes to every single meeting. i feel like i can't do much of the things i liked to do at school because she got there first.

has anyone ever been in a situation like this? does anyone feel that the ex should be a little more understanding towards the feelings of their ex (especially if they dumped the person)? i feel like i'm being gyped of stuff i used to do because of her, and the worst part she doesn't even seem to notice, or if she does, she doesn't care.

girls are evil. or at least they can be so senseless that they come off as evil.

my ex of 6 months has had 4 or 5 boyfriends before we got together. basically when she lost her bf, she'd have another waiting in line. all of these guys were your basic bad boys with nothing really attractive about them (i've seen some of them, not exactly great catches as far as looks or brains) all her previous boyfriends dumped her or cheated on her and they broke up as a result. so when we got together, she would say how much she loved me and how much she was glad to have a great guy for a boyfriend finally. everything was good, until she dumped me one day because i was "too nice, and deserved better than her" turns out she was cheating on me with one of her ex boyfriends, and they started dating again one week after she dumped me. i was the first guy she ever dumped, the other dumped her or it was mutual.

logic? she has trashy boyfriends that she never dumps, but finally meets a nice guy and dumps him because she was cheating on him and lying to him. nice.

it's just as bad when you're the only one in the grou that has a girlfriend so all your single friends call you p*ssywhipped even though none of them have ever had a girl before.

i don't wanna advocate not trusting your girlfriend, but when my ex started hanging out with another guy like that, i found out later that she had been screwing around with him. and she didn't even tell me, i found from other people.

i say, make sure you talk to her. you have every right to be concerned and to let her know that you deserve loyalty. i certainly did, but i tried to convince myself that she could be trusted. turns out i was wrong. now i'm not saying your girl's a bad girl, like mine kinda was, but i'm saying it can happen.

outlaw is absolutely right. by going out with the over confident jerk, you're just convincing him that jerks like him deserve all the girls. i can't stand it.

technically i'm not a "man" being only seventeen, but i do know that most of these questions depend on the guy you're asking. a shallow guy will prefer a hot girl to a smart girl, others prefer a mate that they can love and be loved by. my answer would be as follows:

1) be her own person

2) they do that either for sex or because they don't want to hurt the girl if she loves him.

3) if you ask me, personality.

4) brains. but both would be excellent.

5) at this point in my life i prefer an innocent virgin type because that's the kind of guy i am (had a girlfriend but never had sex)

6) either the innocent girl loses her innocence or the educated woman gets boring. i don't see why many guys would lose a smart girl, but if they did that would be my guess as to their reasoning.

7) ideal? every man would say a smart, attractive, loyal girl who's her own person but still loves her man truthfully. but that's only in a perfect world.

i'm sorry to waste a post since i don't have anything to say concerning your question other than WTF?! i've never heard of anything like that before...

try not to be alone. it's much easier to resist the urge when you're with someone, anyone.

it's been 3 weeks since i got dumped, and i'd like to start seeing new girls but i don't think i can trust any girl for the time being, my ex gf (who was also my first girlfriend) cheated and lied all the time, which i didn't find out about until after she dumped me. so right now i'm not dating because i don't want to either get hurt again or run the risk of pissing off a girl because i'd be too paranoid they'd turn out like my ex.

my ex went right to other guys, and i can tell you know of them were long term.

you might have heard my rants about my ex girlfriend dumping me about 3 weeks ago... since then i did no contact successfully, but seeing her at school everyday was too awkward and i had some things i still needed to say, so i broke down and talked to her today. i'll give a rundown of how it went, because some other people in my position may be considering breaking NC. first a little background; i found out from her friend after we broke up that she had been cheating on me with another guy on and off for a few months. despite feeling deceived and angry, i still knew that she's not a bad girl, she just has no will power with boys and so i wanted to tell her how she made me feel. anyway, here's the rundown:

i finally decided to send her an email, asking her to meet me outside the school building after school (today was a friday) i said in the email that i needed to tell her some things, and even though it's entirely up to her whether or not she shows up, it would be in both of our best interests to show up. after i sent it, i deleted the email from my inbox so i wouldn't be temped to check the history for when she would read it or anything like that. i mentioned this in the email so it would ensure her privacy. this meant once the email was sent, the only way i'd know if she read it was if she showed up the next day (today) after school. all day i was thinking about it and worrying about what if she didn't show up or if she doesn't want to talk to me, or what. i hadn't spoken to her once since the breakup, so i was incrediably nervous all day. i got to the place where i told her to meet me early so i wouldn't keep her waiting. i stood there with tons of people walking past, going to the buses and whatnot, but didn't see her for what seemed like forever. i was feeling very nervous and a little scared. then, i saw her walking towards me. i felt very relieved to see her show up, like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

now for the hard part; i had to tell her why we were here. i started off my thanking her for coming out to see me, since it probably wasn't easy for her to "face up" to what she probably could guess i was going to talk about, her cheating and lying about it, and it certainly wasn't easy for me to talk to her for the first time since the breakup. then she made me feel a lot much better when she said she was glad we could have a conversation. we exchanged a little small talk, "how are you doing?" and all that, and then i got to the point. i told her that i wasn't there to scold her or make her feel guilty, but that i knew about her and "sam", the guy she cheated on me with, name changed to protect privacy. i knew i would be the first guy to confront her about the cheating, and that it's important for her to be held accountable, and that i deserved an explanation (i said these things not angrily, but still firm enough to know it wasn't a minor thing we were discussing) i said how it made me feel deceived, disappointed and angry, which is all true. i told her that i didn't hate her for what she did, but i told her that this kind of behavior is unhealthy and careless. i wanted her to know that she should try to be more honest with herself, and not submit to any guy who flirts with her. she agreed with the things i said, and i could tell she felt horrible about it. in the end, i told her that even though she did this to me, i still care about her and i want to be her friend, and i want to be there for her when she has a problem. i reminded her that she can always talk to me, and there's no reason why we can't still be friends. all in all, it was a heavy conversation, but she thanked me for still being there when any sensible guy would let her screw up her own life after she dumps him. i know i got through to her, and she was very happy i made the choice to talk to her, because she said she wouldn't have the courage to initiate contact with me. it was the first time i'd ever seen her cry, so i know i made an impression on her. i think we both have some closure now, and we are looking forward to remaining close friends.

i hope this gives others with the same type of problems some hope, and reassurance if you're planning to break no contact. i'm not saying go out and spill your heart to your ex; my story turned out successful in the end, so it's evidence that breaking no contact CAN help you get closure and help you recover from the loss. if you plan to contact your ex, i will say that i planned on talking to her with the choice that i would be firm and honest with her, not angry or spiteful or needy or upset, and reasure her that it's in both of our interests to discuss things that were on my mind. i made sure i listened to what she had to say, and did my best to see where she was coming from with her statements. i chose to contact my ex because i still care about her, not because i wanted to make her feel bad about what she did.

if anyone has any comments or questions, or just something they'd like to add, go right ahead. sorry for the long post.

right now the guy who my ex cheated on me with is online. i'm having a really hard time keeping from saying SOMETHING to this disgusting individual. i'm so mad right now!!