hopelesslee

I disagree. If you are a nice person, you should tell her the truth, or at least get one of her closer friends to break the bad news. You won't be the bad guy in the end because you will be saving her (although it will be painful) from a long time of being lied to and eventually hit MUCH harder with reality. I'm in a similar situation as "cindy" right now, and I would much rather find out now than to continue dating the person and look like an idiot. Hope everything goes okay.

I've been dating this guy, Harry, for about a month now. However, I have been feeling uncomfortable about the whole thing since it began because a) two or three months ago Harry broke up with his girlfriend of about a year and a half, b) he seemed reluctant to officially date me for about a month due to his being "busy with work" & "not wanting to be tired and moody around me." Although he assured me that he had ended it with his old girlfriend and had lost his feelings for her long before they broke up, he told one of my friends that he was not "officially" broken up with her about 2 months ago (before him and I started dating). When I asked him about it he said that my friend had misunderstood him and that he only meant that he felt cruel shutting his ex out completely (as a friend) right before Christmas. I accepted this explanation, but now I am starting to worry again. His ex (or so I hope) goes to a different school than we do, making it easier for him to hide anything going on between them. Recently I looked at his away messages and it seemed to be a list of inside jokes, then later on a bunch of sad song lyrics saying something about "letting you go" etc. I know that this probably seems crazy, but I got this weird feeling that all of these messages were directed at his ex. Do you think that I am overreacting over this, or is there legitimate cause to be concerned? If there is reason to worry, how should I approach the subject with him? I always have had problems with self-esteem and this leads me to be clingy and sometimes obsessive. Although I don't want to come off as irritating and suspicious, I also don't want to be treated as if I am too stupid to figure out what's going on. What do you think I should do? Thanks so much for your help!](*,)

Thanks so much for the advice...I think it's okay though, he's been calling me like every day now whenever he's said he would...so I think he was just really really busy the couple of times that it happened. Also I let him know that it made me kindof upset when he didn't call and he promised he wouldn't do that again, so...I think it's ok! Anyway...thanks so much again for the input

I don't think that you were dishonest at all...your girlfriend does not have a right to tell you you can't be friends with people...because you obviously like her or else why would you be dating her? I think you need to discuss this with her: tell her that she has no reason to be jealous and that you consider your friend exactly that and no more. Talking to your ex-girlfriend isn't a huge problem either...your girlfriend shouldn't have this much control over what you do, and you need to talk to her about these problems she's having with getting angry and excessively jealous. This is up to you, but I think that if your girlfriend can't understand that you have friends who are girls too, and makes you upset because she gets mad at you a lot, then you should try to move on. If you think that you can have a rational discussion about all this with her, then keep dating her. Hope everything works out... ~leigh~

I met this guy through a friend at the beginning of last year. We started talking online and I really opened up to him because I didn't care what he thought of me. We became really close friends and started talking a lot more often: over the phone and in person; not only online. His girlfriend of a year had broken up with him a few months before I met him, and for a while he was really distraught about it, but gradually he started saying that he was getting over her. We went out one night and I ended up telling him I had feelings for him, and he said he did as well but he was still confused/sad because of the girl he had been into for such a long time. A little while later we went out again and ended up kissing for a while, but he said that he didn't think it would be fair to go out with someone because he wouldn't like them as much as he had liked his ex. It's been about two months since then and we just started going out a few days ago, and he told me that what he said about it not being fair to go out with someone was a long time ago. We have so much fun when we're together and when we get a chance, we talk on the phone for hours...The problem is: a couple of times recently he's told me he would call me and then forgets. For most of the times he's had a pretty good reason-(i.e. family b-day party)-but I'm still worried. Do you think that if a guy forgets to call, or "gets home too late" it means he isn't really into you? Another problem is that he's going to college in less than three weeks(I'm a little younger than him)-and he said we could try to stay together but he doesn't know if it will work out...I'm afraid I'm getting too emotionally attached to him and I'm not sure it's worth it. What do you think about the forgetting to call, going to college, whole situation? I'd really appreciate some input! Thank you so much!

I met this guy through a friend at the beginning of last year. We started talking online and I really opened up to him because I didn't care what he thought of me. We became really close friends and started talking a lot more often: over the phone and in person; not only online. His girlfriend of a year had broken up with him a few months before I met him, and for a while he was really distraught about it, but gradually he started saying that he was getting over her. We went out one night and I ended up telling him I had feelings for him, and he said he did as well but he was still confused/sad because of the girl he had been into for such a long time. A little while later we went out again and ended up kissing for a while, but he said that he didn't think it would be fair to go out with someone because he wouldn't like them as much as he had liked his ex. It's been about two months since then and we just started going out a few days ago, and he told me that what he said about it not being fair to go out with someone was a long time ago. The problem is: a couple of times recently he's told me he would call me and then forgets. For most of the times he's had a pretty good reason-(i.e. family b-day party)-but I'm still worried. Do you think that if a guy forgets to call, or "gets home too late" it means he isn't really into you? Another problem is that he's going to college in less than three weeks(I'm a little younger than him)-and he said we could try to stay together but he doesn't know if it will work out...I'm afraid I'm getting too emotionally attached to him and I'm not sure it's worth it. What do you think about the forgetting to call, going to college, whole situation? I'd really appreciate some input! Thank you so much!