hopelesslee

I've had a lot of bad relationships in the past--I always cared deeply for the guys I dated, and then they would make me chase them and obsess over them. They would then end the relationship without giving me much reasoning, and I simply moved on/rebounded. (These were all relatively short relationships) Now I'm with the most amazing guy--we've been together for about 3 months. The problem is: I told him that I loved him about a month into the relationship while I was drunk. He gave me the chance to take it back in the few days that followed, but I didn't want to/didn't think I should. About a month later I told him I wasn't sure if I loved him--we had gotten into saying it all the time and I didn't want to say it if I wasn't absolutely positive. He got insanely upset and so I tried to justify my insecurities about loving him by saying I had just been overanalyzing out of exhaustion and stuff like that. I think I convinced myself of that too. Now it's been about a month again and I still am feeling the same sort of insecurities about whether or not I love him. I voiced these concerns again, and understandably he was upset. He says I am a really bad girlfriend; I don't treat him as well as I should and then I pull stuff like this. I'm just so confused--how am I supposed to know what love feels like? I'm so young and I've only been dating him for a little while. I've never had a relationship in which I said "I love you," and none of the guys I've dated have cared about me as much as he does. I know that it was wrong to "lie" about loving him, but I think I was kind of lying to myself. Everyone WANTS to be in love, don't they? Now I'm terrified; I told him I'm thinking about it, trying to sort things out in my mind--which I'm doing. It's just that...if I have to think about it, doesn't that mean I don't really love him? I'm definitely attached to him and care about him immensely; I know it's not just because I am chasing him, because he treats me so much better than I treat him. Usually this would completely turn me away from a guy. I just don't know what to do: is it more fair for me to break up with him? Or to let him break up with me somehow? I like him a lot and he's one of my best friends without a doubt--but I can't handle just stringing him along like that when he's sure about loving me and I'm just...not. I don't want to say it again and then take it back--I know that's uneccessarily cruel. He says even though I treat him badly he would rather stay with me and have me not love him back than never be with me. I don't know if that's true. Also, he has some issues with depression (As do I). I'm scared that he might hurt himself or something if he gets really depressed if I dump him or he never sees me or something. So my questions are How can you tell that you're "in love" from "in lust" or "attached" or "obsessed?" I sure as hell can't figure it out. Also, if I decide I don't love him, should I break up with him? And, finally, how can I best break up without destroying him/making him suicidal? I'm just so scared and I care about him so much--this is really hard for me too even if I sound like I'm a horrible person. I'd really appreciate any input you guys can give me. Thank you so much for your help/for reading all this blabber...

i am taking orthotricyclin-lo (type of birth control), but i dont take it at the exact same time every day--(for example sometimes i take it at 8pm, sometimes 1am.) i am not having sex(im a virgin), & my bf hasnt cum on his hand & fingered me or anything, but he has cum on me (just not right next to my vagina). is there any way i could be pregnant in this case...like if you dont take birth control at the same time every day (but you do take it every day), does it increase your chances of getting pregnant? also, do you think there is any chance of me getting pregnant if i am both on the pill & not having sex? i am just extremely paranoid, & would appreciate some feedback. thank you sooo much!

So what are you all's positions on returning items that an ex left at your house/gave to you after a break up? Basically I just mutilated some things my ex left at my house in a fit of rage hahaha. But it doesn't matter right? Because I shouldn't have to return them anyway...? ...I'm starting to feel a little guilty, even though the guy is a complete * * * *. What do you all think? Ever done this before? I just needed to share that with someone. *sigh*

I know how that is, but I do it too...and I'm a girl. For me it's because I am afraid of being too clingy, because that is my natural instinct. So then if I feel like the guy isn't putting in as much effort as before, I will just stop communicating with him completely because I'm afraid I'm being too clingy/needy. Basically what I've discovered is that, at least in the early stages of a relationship, playing hard to get on both parts is necessary to maintain some sort of interest level/challenge for the couple. Later on in a relationship (say, after a month or two) stupid mind games should be dropped lol...but never completely. (because who wants to just forfeit anyway...?)

My response is...that is a sweeping generalization. Men like attractive women, but they also like unattractive women. I don't think there's much to it--if you like someone, you like someone. If a guy is incredibly superficial, then obviously he will like someone who is very attractive. However, shallow guys are sometimes not even motivated by the attractiveness of a girl...instead they decide to pursue her because of her social status, her aura of confidence in herself (even if she is ugly), or because she refuses to give them a second glance. So...I don't think it's true that guys will choose an attractive woman over an unattractive woman...it has more to do with the way the women carry themselves and the specific history the guy has with each woman. In my experience, very attractive women are often more insecure than unattractive women...which essentially cancels out their beauty. Don't stress over something like this, because while it is true sometimes that men prefer attractive women, in my experience it is most definitely not always the case.

This is what happens to me a lot There is some guy who has been persistently pursuing me for a long period of time (or on and off), and I am friends with him the whole time. After a while, I start to realize how incredible he is (or I just like that he's infatuated with me?), and decide to try dating him. Then it seems to always go downhill. He becomes more relaxed and less obsessive, and I react by becoming clingy and needy (because I miss the person he used to be/how he used to treat me). Eventually the relationship ends because I freak out/get annoying or obsessive. WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME? It seems inevitable that it will always happen to me with the really nice, supportive guy friends I have who are secretly crushing on me. The second I return the affection, they lose interest. Has anyone else been in this situation before? I want to know how I can somehow stop this irritating cycle; I find it so difficult to try to act the same as I always have towards the guy. I guess that's one way to do it, but mind games get so tiring after a while. Any suggestions? Thanks so much!!!

I think that, from what you said, you guys taking a break is a healthy decision. The fact that you both became overly dependent on one another to the point that you spent most of your time together and didn't develop friendships with other people can't be good for you in the long run. Obviously he still has feelings for you, and you for him, but it would be my advice to just let it go for now. It seems like there is a definite possibility of you two getting back together in the future, but the only thing that can allow this to happen is if you pull away for now. Find some girl friends to hang out with, take up a hobby or play a sport, and just try to keep your chin up. You can't convince him VERBALLY that you've changed and become more independent, but you can SHOW him by actually doing so. Furthermore, your motive in becoming more independent should not be so that he will see how happy you've become, but because you want to be happy with yourself and independent regardless of what he thinks of you. I know you're going through a really rough time, but hang in there! I know you can do it.

I went down on a guy for the first time last week (and it didn't go too well). We've been dating casually for about a month, and now I'm worried he was just using me. We haven't talked since it happened except for one time online very briefly (but he's on vacation now anyway), and he seemed pretty distant. When I asked him if something was wrong, he said that he was just tired. Before all of this happened he seemed very interested in me, texted/IMed me all the time, said really sweet/romantic stuff, etc. I guess he could just seem distant because he is on vacation for a week, but I'm still worried. What should I do? Would it be better to wait for him to contact me and just not jump to conclusions about him, or should I talk to him again and figure out what's going on? Thanks guys, any advice would be appreciated!

THe other day I gave a guy head for the first time ever...I didn't expect it to be very difficult but it ended up hurting a lot. I guess my mouth/jaw is too small and/or his penis is too big? The whole gag-reflex thing was enough, but on top of that my jaw muscles were literally throbbing with pain. Has this happened to anyone else? If so, is there anything I can do to make it hurt less for me without accidentally biting him? Any advice/tips would be appreciated!

Recently I have been going on dates with this guy I don't know too well, and we have been making out and stuff. The last time I was dating a guy in a similar way and I asked him to make it official, it took him a while and I seemed to think being "official" was a bigger deal than he did. Now what I'm wondering is, how long should one wait before asking the guy to make it official? I don't want to be annoying, but I also don't want to be just a sort of girl that he gets action from no strings attached. Am I making too big of a deal about this? If not, how long should I wait before asking my new guy to make our relationship exclusive? Thanks a lot, I really appreciate it!

Just a general question looking for feedback/personal stories/comments/etc. Have you ever broken up with someone when you still had feelings for them or decided to be just friends with someone when you still like them? Why?

I have been feeling the EXACT same way. Whenever I eat, I start to think about something related to my ex and then I get that feeling of fear/sickness and stop eating. It helps me to just take a deep breath and force myself to eat-if you eat lunch with friends and talk the whole time it also helps to keep your mind off of things. That's the best advice I can offer, besides going to a doctor. Hope you feel better.

I am a senior in high school, have never been in a serious relationship, and I'm starting to get worried. I've heard so many rumors that college is more of a place for hook-ups, one night stands, and not really the best place for relationships. Is this actually true? I'm worried that if I don't have a long-term relationship in high school, I'm just going to get walked all over in college because I'll be looking for something serious and meaningful, whereas most guys will trick me into sleeping with them or something and not actually care about me. What do you all think about this? Is college really like that?

"2. Being friends is not an option It's always tempting to stay friends when you've had your heart broken, but in reality all it does is lessens the pain of the dumper and increases the pain of the dumpee. The dumper must realise what they are losing, and staying in contact as friends doesn't allow that to happen."--from majord23's Perfect Plan post I have recently been dumped by my boyfriend of about 2 months, pretty much out of the blue. I have been giving him space but not IMing, texting, or calling him, but in school we talk as if nothing ever happened (we chat, joke around, even flirt). I want to give off the impression that the break up did not affect me, even though it has. I guess I thought that this would make him realize that I didn't like him in the first place, and then make him come back. Is this a stupid idea? I also don't want to create unnecessary drama by all of a sudden changing my mind and treating him coldly, because I think that will just show him that I do care deeply about what happened. I can't avoid seeing him at school because he is friends with many of my friends, and I think it might be harder if I had to force myself to treat him badly or ignore him. What do you all think about this stay friends or forget about it? Does staying friends really "lessen the pain of the dumper"..?

I think that, yes, men and women can be just friends, but it is usually more complicated than that. Often, one of the two people is interested in the other as more than a friend, but they don't broach the subject because it is, obviously, very sensitive. Sometimes both of the people are romantically interested in one another, and they then have to decide whether or not the friendship is important enough to risk losing. I'm not saying it's impossible for people of the opposite sex to be friends, but I do think it is harder for both people to consider the friendship as just that for a long period of time. Sadly enough, there are often alterior motives on one side or the other. With this guy, you should just be sure to make YOUR motives clear, and that he understands them.

That was a really inspiring post. You deserve to find someone really great who genuinely returns your love, and I know you will!

I know how you feel. I'd have to say to all of those who said simply block her or delete her from your contact list that although good in theory, it just doesn't work. Whenever I delete someone from my contact list or I block them, I end up putting them back on for just a little while or something out of curiosity, and then it just ends up becoming the *delete-putbackon-delete-putbackon-delete* endless cycle. Or maybe I just don't have very much will power... Good luck to you.

yeah it sucks so much because being all wet then makes you colder, which makes you sweat even more, which makes you even colder...etc.etc. *sigh*

Isn't it kind of dangerous not to be able to sweat, though?

Recently I have noticed that whenever I get really cold, I sweat profusely. On the contrary, when I get really overheated or have been exercising, I barely sweat at all. Does anyone know if this is some kind of medical condition, or symptoms of some medical condition? Or am I just weird...? Thanks for your help!

I picked up a copy of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus at my friend's house, and I was REALLY surprised by the chapter on the "rubber band theory." Basically, it says that men have a "cycle" of intimacy where they are very close to and passionate with their significant other, followed by a period in which they distance themselves from their partner. If the man's girlfriend is hurt by his behavior and starts chasing after him, it causes him to distance himself even more from her. Guys (and girls too...whatever!) Is this actually true? If so, does it help if the girl starts to distance herself too? Like, if the guy seems to have lost interest and is distancing himself but was very passionate initially, is it worth it to wait it out and see if he'll come back? I would be really interested to know what you all think about this. Thanks for your help!

The no-contact idea is the best thing for you to do right now, in my opinion. Although it seems (and IS) incredibly difficult to maintain, it will benefit you in the future. Yes, you will have to eventually deal with the things that this girl did to you, but once you have successfully gotten over her for the most part, all of the mean things she did won't hurt you as much. Try not to talk about her too much with other people, and stay active so that you won't have to worry about constantly feeling depressed about her. If she did mean things to you, she obviously isn't worth it, and you deserve better.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for only about a month, and I'm feeling like he has stopped liking me. At first he was reluctant to officially start a relationship because he recently got out of a long-term relationship and because he said he was really tired and busy because of work, school, etc. and he didn't want to be moody around me. He changed his mind though and said that I had been right and that he wanted to go out even if we didn't see each other that much. However, now he IS acting tired and moody, and he is extremely busy. It was fine for a while, but this past week he has been acting kind of cold. I tried to talk to him about it and asked him if I was irritating him or if something was bothering him and he said that he was just tired and busy, etc. Do you think there is something else going on that he just won't tell me? I don't understand why he wouldn't just dump me if he has stopped liking me, and I am having a lot of trouble getting him to talk to me. Do you think I should just take what he said at face value and assume that he is really just tired and busy? I am very impatient, so I don't want to just sit around and wait for him to dump me for some unknown reason, but I also don't want to try to force something out of him if he actually is telling me the whole truth. Sorry this is so long..thanks for your help.

My boyfriend has been doing the same sort of thing, and I'd probably appreciate it if he mentioned that he'd noticed it might be upsetting me. Aside from that, after you've told her, you can either assume she believes you and keep doing that, or just put up an away message like the other people said. (only then you can't really talk to people about your paper...) I don't know, it's not that big of a deal, just make sure you talk to her a lot on the phone and in person so that talking on AIM isn't so important.

Sorry to be argumentative about this, but I think that if the girl finds out you knew all along and didnt let her know, she will be mad with you anyway. I definitely would make sure the facts are accurate first, and also talk to Joe about this and explain to him that you think this is wrong what he is doing. If nothing happens after all of that, you should try to let her find out (not necessarily by directly telling her, because that might get you in trouble). Also, your friend Joe sounds like kind of an untrustworthy jerk in general...so I wouldn't value his friendship very highly anyway, but whatever....that's just what I think.