smarker

Why aren't you ready to get back with her if you care so much? do you not trust her? Boy, you men can be so confusing sometimes. Think about the reasons you aren't ready. You can be her friend, but if there is no future for you as far as YOU can see, why burden yourself with her mess? Maybe you have a mutual friend that you can tell your concerns to and they can be there for her, too. Just a thought.

You're right. My apologies. I don't want to think of him as a loser, either. That means I fell in love with a loser.

I think our ability to love other people is what makes us special. Don't beat yourself up for being the better person. I would like to think that if you show love to others you will have it returned. If not from her, from someone who deserves yours in return. A good friend of mine once told me that we wouldn't treat our friends half as bad as we treat ourselves. Be nice to yourself. Sound like you deserve it.

I did that & got the standard guy issue: I enjoy spending time with you as we seem to have fun together. More mixed signals. The guestion I believe is how to stop wanting to get back together if it isn't going to happen, and maybe I wanted some insight into what's on a guy's mind. Calling me a loser for not losing hope is not constructive. I can be blunt too.

What did the card on the flowers say? Who broke it off?

Well, here's the thing. It started out great. About three weeks of that fairytale feeling closeness and fun, chatting onl;ine every day for hours while at wiork, seeing each other twice a week, but then I come to realize that he's still using the online dating service where we met. I figured that if he isn't taking me seriously, I can't take him seriously, so I tell him we need to slow down and be friends for a while. Rash decision for self-preservation, or really bone-head thing to do? I don't know , but I can't take it back.... So, it's his decision to keep seeing me, as friends. This goes on for a while, but a couple of months ago I tell him that I think we ought to be dating and that I have feelings for him. He tells me that "these days im losing interest in starting a relationship" But still wants to be friends. I thought I was strong enough to handle that. But i guess I'm not. Last week I tell him I wanted more and can't settle for less than what I want, but I wish the best for him. It was very hard to do. But I still get IM's from him. I have not wanted to block him because I still wish for the days where we were on the right track.. Any suggestions?

I have read a lot of posts in this forum and it seems like we are all in the same boat. After 6 months of trying to be patient with a guy that I thought might be "the one" and hearing how he doesn't want a serious relationship but values my company, I decided to give it a rest. Too difficult to sit back in hopes that he'll realize that my love is a gift, while he tried to keep things casual. Now, how do I stop wanting to use NC as a way to get his attention and just move on? I have been to weak to completely cut off conversation, but hate waht it does to me when I get a glimmer of hope after hearing form him and seeing him when I know that he's just going to be distant and afraid of anything deep. I get so many mixed signals that I can't figure out what to do. I'm so afraid that if I do completely stop contact he will forget about me and then I can't show him what the value of a relationship with me could bring to him. Aggh. Frustrating.