Looks like I really embellished one part of my original post, the part about how all the guys who get girls are bastards. Really, a lot of them are, but not most. I hang out with a couple guys who are great at getting women, and most of them are genuinely good guys. They're the ones who usually wind up getting their hearts broken. In reality, girls are just as likely to cheat as guys. If you're wondering what the point of this paragraph is, I just felt compelled to correct an error.
Big thanks to sole and bestinclass for writing.
"Women like guys who feel confident about themselves. Or at least act confident. If you aren't satisfied with yourself physically, start taking better care of yourself (women like that and they notice). That might make you feel more confident too."
I've actually gotten a lot better at being confident around girls lately. I'm feeling better overall in comparison to how I was months ago, and my default mood is no longer depressed. I can actually hang out with girls all night and not get depressed . . . until it becomes apparent that she's interested in my friend, not me. At which point I gracefully sulk off to the shadows. One of my friends in particular has some talent I can't comprehend. He doesn't even try sometimes, and girls just throw themselves at him. He's been trying to help me for months but, I can never be him. And next to him, next to just about any of my friends or practically any other guy, I'm never chosen. I must be inferior. God, I love my friends but I can't help hating them. It's amazing I haven't grown bitter towards women as well. As for exercise and stuff, I'm in the process. I've lost 20 pounds, and it is a noticeable improvement, but I could stand to lose 30 more.
"Something else that is hard to do, especially if you are shy, is to put yourself out there. What I mean by that is going out and meet girls. LOTS of girls. Practice, practice, practice! The more you do it the easier it will seem. Make it your project - to talk to one new girl every day."
Interesting idea. I might use that. The practice I've had the last few months has been an immense help.
"One other thing, I suspect that the girls you've been talking to have been in the "friend" category."
Until recently I didn't even have friends who are girls. In any case, none are a real possibility at this point.
"To be considered serious boyfriend material you have to let your them know you're interested in going out."
This is so friggin' complicated, though, making the first move. Such as in the group scenario:
I tell one girl I'm interested
she rejects me
no one wants to be 2nd choice
"Hey I like your friend a lot! You're cool too though, wanna date? No? Alright. Hey, weren't there three of you?"
"PS There are a LOT of girls at school! "
Well, I kinda neutered my chance of getting into a good (highly populated) college. I'll prolly wind up going to some local community thing. Better than nothing, I guess.
"I feel ya Wolfewood. I've lived in your shoes and I think I still do. I know how impossible it is to be optimistic about everything. Yeah I'm a girl but I've gone through the same thing as you. Hell I even tried to kill myself in college becasue I was so lonely and depressed but it failed. And nobody knew until now (except for 1 quiet friend).And I admit I will never do it again. Anyway, I'm 23 and never dated anyone! Never kissed anyone. I found out recently that the only guys who flirt with me have girlfriends. How f***** up is that? And I'm an introvert as well. But I'll tell you why I'm still here at 24 and alone. . . "
Hard to imagine girls can wind up feeling this way too. Well, taking into account how terrified guys are of rejection (I know I am), I guess not. But trust me, LOTS of guys have been drooling over you over the years. Damn, if it was society's policy for girls to make the first move, the world would be a much happier place. Your odds of rejection are so much slimmer than mine. I've walked through my whole life with the "I'm not good enough for her/she'd never settle for me" mentality, and a lot of the girls I've had crushes on have been considered . . . to be nice, not exactly gorgeous. Not everyone is a diehard fan of the movie star image. I actually like pale skin over tans and chest size isn't even an issue. For you, I'd say, if there's a guy you like and you know he's available, just ask him out. I'd say the same for me, but . . . hell, I do say the same for me . . . except not with guys . . . yeah.
"I take close notice of guys who pay any attention to me. Even a short Hey-I'm kinda-checking-you-out look. Trust me girls are doing that to you but you just aren;t picking up on it. I didn't pick up on it until a couple years ago. Once you become more perceptive you'll get more confident because you know someone has SOME interest in you. And you can flaunt what you got."
Sure I shouldn't cover that **** up? Seriously though, I don't do much flaunting. I'll try working on the perception thing.
"When you see couples hanging out don't let that get to you. Just think to yourself they're both conceited, nasty, fake, will break up in any moment, undesireable, loud, obnoxious, attentionhogs, drama players etc. Basically, convince yourself that coupledom is a prison and it's better to play the field! Right now I'm trying to convince myself couples suck and I'd rather flirt (even with taken guys).But I'm working on the shy factor."
Not happenin'.
"3. I have to agree with you. Girls do fantasize about naked guys they don't know. I know I do. I don't know M. Knight Shymalan but I fantasize about him sometimes. So, I say get a magazine and fantasize so you can get your attnetion away from females who are around you."
M. Night Shymalan?! Holy Hell! Maybe there's hope for me yet!
Was that your intended reaction, or are you serious, lol? I actually wanna know. Not making fun of M., he's just a surprising example, lol.
I've lived pretty much my whole life inside my skull. Not good enough for this world, I lived in dreams. I'm through fantasizing about girls I can never touch. I need someone real. Actually I've been fantasizing exclusively about girls I know for quite some time now. I just like sounding overdramatic, I guess.
"5. I see guys go for the same big chested, small brained, bimbos even though I would treat the guys like a rare blue diamond if I had the chance. BUT I don't let that get to me because I know there has to be at least one guy out there who has a brain beyond the one they're using in their pants. The same goes for girls. I know you'll find some girls who aren't superficial and who are intelligent and down to earth. They'll probably show up when you least expect it. So stop expecting them!! "
It goes deeper than finding a girl who's not superficial. There has to be at least some physical attraction for a relationship to exist. I can't blame girls for not being attracted to me, can I? The superficial part only enters the equation when girls want a trophy to show off.
BTW, it sounds like some guy is really missing out on you right now.
"6. GO BACK TO SCHOOL! Once you go to a huge college, you're chances of talking to and flirting with and meeting a girl skyrockets!! How old are you? If you were in college when you dropped out, then go back because you can still get a girl just be more perceptive at who's watching you."
I'm 18. My grades went to hell the 2nd semester of junior year and I quit near the beginning of senior year. I'll get a GED soon (how hard could it be?) and actually have the opportunity to start college in January. Of course, as I mentioned above, it won't be the huge, girls-everywhere college we have in mind.
"I'll add more later when I think of some more advice. BUT if this advice sucks let me know and I'll stop typing. But hang in there. Don't give up yet. If I'm still here at 24 then I know you can suck it up and make it there too."
Hey, it's great to hear from someone who sounds so supportive, so don't think you typed this for nothing.
I kinda promised myself that if I'm still alone by my 20th birthday, I'll kill myself. Don't think I'm telling you (or anyone else) to do the same, but come on, if 2 years of trying gets me nowhere . . . I may feel like killing myself now, but I'll stick to my promise. God-willing (already given up on him), I won't have anything to go through with, but, if in 2 years my life still amounts to nothing, than will it ever? I don't actually intend to kill myself. I intend to get a girl, prove to myself that I'm not worthless, that I am wanted, and put my depression behind me.
