Red_stain

the way my grandmother noticed and not my mom is that i have a wrist band and i always wear it and it annoys her so she lifted it up a bit and saw. she didn't see enough to REALLY know what it was... but enough to be suspicious.

i have not cut myself in almost a month and i am like wow. i don't know how i made it that long. i don't really even know what i do when i want to. i just talk to my friends and stay away from sharp things. but it was hard. i thought i had finally stopped like a while ago and then nothing even happened and my body got all tense and i cut myself. but my mom has enough stuff to go through. her and my dad recently split up and all. and i don't want to make it worse. so i've gotta stop. even though the scars are bad and way visible. and she will find out. but for me to be able to tell her i stopped. it will make me feel better at least. and i've got a friend that knows what i'm going through and we talk and it helps. except when he is depressed....he is my best friend. so then i get depressed....and it is worse. but lately i am somewhat numb to emotions. i get upset and all but i guess i ignore it. not always good. makes it worse sometimes. but i just try to tell him don't do anything stupid. i don't know what i would do. knowing how i would feel if he died helps me really understand how he would feel if i died. he would feel terrible. i won't do that to him. and i won't hurt myself. it hurts him too. you really just have to find a friend that you care about and think how you would feel if they died. even if they're not really like that. imagine if they were. and don't do that to them.

ok dude the creepiest thing to me is that you sound just like my best friend. he has dreams of killing himself and he has a girlfriend that is crap to him parents everything. but killing yourself really isn't worth it. i mean the way your friends will feel no matter what even if it's not true they would feel like they could have done something and made it better. it is hard to keep going. but do it for them. and about that they would want the suffering to end......NO ok. the point is not to want you to die if you want to. it is to try to make things better. to talk to you and you talk to them and let you know that it will get better.

yeah i thought my grand mother would have told her yesterday because that is when she saw it but my mom didnt say anything so i was like ok i'm gonna not say anything. cuz maybe she didn't tell her... i don't know but i have been freaking out all day but still nothing so yeah. i could say all of how everything is and all but that would take alot. but thanks.

wow why does it say i am 34.......i gotta fix that....it is not right...i'm like 14.........ahhh.....

my grand mother saw my scars and my mom will probably ask about it soon. i stopped but i don't know how to explain this all to my mom without hurting her. especially since i don't really know why i did it. how will i explain?