miss_kaos

You need to walk away and you need to do it now you are only young please do not waste your time with this guy. Believe me it doesn't get better this is just the beginning, I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years and it started out the exact same way, he was perfect at first but then he changed and he started out verbally abusing me and then the physical abuse started. He could be so loving one minute and then so violent the next and it got to the stage where he controlled my life, he played horrible mind games with me to the point where I attempted suicide 3 times. Once you get caught in this trap it is very hard to get the courage up to leave. Please leave now while you have the courage do not leave it until it is too late.

Thanks for all your replies, I just can't seem to deal with this, I have never felt pain like this before, I can't even talk to my friends or loved ones because I am too embarrassed. I really did believe he was my soulmate and never in my worst nightmares did I think he would do something like this to me. Maybe I could deal with this better if we didn't have a good sex life and we were unhappy, but it was the total opposite for us, I mean 5 years on and our sex life was just as exciting as the first time. It's like I've lived with a stranger for the past 18 months. I feel like such a fool, I thought I knew him so well, I thought we had the perfect relationship, yet my fiance would rather pay a stranger for sex than come home to the one he is supposed to love. The worst part is he can't even admit the full extent of his guilt so he isn't really sorry for what he's done. I feel so sick to my stomach I can't even bear to look at him and I feel like I will never be able to face him again. My self esteem has been crushed, does he really find me that repulsive that he prefers to pay for it - I just don't understand.

Hi there I totally feel your pain, yesterday I discovered that they fiance of 5 years slept with a prostitute 18 months ago and I feel sad to know that there is someone else out there feeling what I am feeling right now, because I wouldn't wish this heartache on anyone. I am sitting here at 2am holding our 5 month old baby boy and I am crying all over my keyboard and asking myself why? and the worst part is I cannot find the answer and I am sure you are feeling the same way, I don't understand how the person we love and cherish so much can cause us so much pain. The best thing you can do is put yourself first for the moment and make sure you and your daughter are OK and make the decision that is best for you and her and not what you think is best for everyone else, and never think he had a right to do this because you were having problems, he is in the wrong not you. The worst part for me is he cannot even admit the full extent of his guilt so he is not really sorry. I am feeling just like you my self esteem has been shattered, I am young, attractive and slim and I thought we had a good sex life but knowing he would rather go out and pay for it from a stranger makes me feel pathetic, ugly and embarrassed. Does the pain ever go away, because for me it just seems to be getting worse, but it has only been one day.

Hi Tinkerbell Thanks for responding, well I was a bit sneaky about how I confronted his friend, because I told him that my fiance had already confessed everything to me and already knew about it and I wanted to know why they went there, once his friend thought I already knew everything, he spilled the truth about it all confirmed that they had both gone there together and left together. Also when I first confronted my fiance yesterday, he started by saying that he only dropped his friend off there and waited out in the car, the story then changed and he said his friend wanted to borrow the money from him and so he went in to pay for his friend. Then he confessed that he actually did go in but couldn't go through with it. He is just drowning in his own lies, he is too scared to tell the truth because he fears loosing me and our son. It is 1.30 in the morning over here and I just feel totally devastated, he was everything to me, we were best friends this all just feels like a nightmare, this is not the man I know.

Me and my fiance have been together for 5 years and I love him with all my heart we are true soulmates, we have a 5 month of baby boy and our life was great until yesterday when I discovered that he went to a brothel about 18 months ago. I remember the exact night, we had an argument and he went out with his mates and didn't come home until 4am in the morning minus $1000 in his wallet that he left with, he couldn't look me in the eye, touch me or even sleep next to me when he came home that night and I thought he was still angry with me. I used his cell phone the next day & I noticed a phone number that he called at 12 am the night before, I rang the number and discovered it was a brothel, when I confronted him he got all defensive, abusive and accused me of not trusting him and used the excuse that one of his mates must have rung there for a joke and as his mate backed this story up I put it behind me. Yesterday a friend of mine told me that she had found out from her boyfriend - who is a good friend of my fiances - that he had in fact gone to the brothel with a friend that night, so I confronted this friend and after some pressure he confessed everything. I then confronted my fiance and he denied it and said he didn't know what I was talking about, even though his friend had already told me everything. After I questioned him further he changed his story and said he did go to the brothel paid the prostitute but couldn't go through with it because he felt too guilty, he said he is so sorry. But deep in my heart I know that he did have sex with her - it all adds up - why does he have to insult my intelligence by lying about it, he says he's sorry but can't even admit what he's really done, I just wanted him to tell me why he did it. I told him I don't believe him and told him to leave. Now I am totally and utterly heartbroken, I can't understand why he would do this to me. Our sex life was always amazing, we both have a very strong drive and we are both very adventurous in bed, he is a very generous lover and we always satisfy each other and even while I was pregnant our sex life did not change. He always tells me how happy I make him in bed and there is nothing else he would want from me. So can someone please tell me why he would go out and pay for it when he could have come home to me, I always thought that men only went to brothels because they don't get sex at home, or because they are bored with their partners or they want something more adventurous. I now feel so let down and hurt, he has totally destroyed my self esteem. I am attractive, slim and love sex so I don't understand why he would do this to me. He used to make jokes at his friends about going to brothels and I know for a fact he hadn't even visited one before me, so why would he do it now. Am I overreacting over something that happened so long ago, I just don't know anymore, if he admitted to it and told me why maybe I couldn't forgive him but right now I am totally devastated. If anyone out there can give me their views on why he did this it would really help.