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Tinydance

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Everything posted by Tinydance

  1. Tinydance
    I agree with what a lot of posters are saying. I think sometimes a lot of disappointment comes when expectations are too high and a person isn't behaving in the way that you expect them to. In my opinion there's no obligation to be friends with your partner's relatives unless you naturally really get along with them and are clicking great and WANT to be friends. I see it as fine that a mother wants to go out for dinner with her son or give him money. There are some people who will always without fail include their child's partner, but some just want time with their child alone. To me excluding would only be if it seems very calculated or deliberate. E.g. The MIL organises a dinner or party at her house and the whole family is invited but daughter-in-law isn't. Or MIL gives everyone in the family money but gives daughter-in-law nothing. I think there are some behaviours that are not calculated and there isn't actually some kind of plot about it. Again it depends on expectations. I personally don't really care that much if I'm included with things with my partner's family. I have a lot of friends, hobbies, my own family. And work. So I'm pretty busy. I'm totally happy if my partner wants to go out with their relative alone because then I can just do my own thing. I'm getting a sense in this case that yes the fiance is a "Mama's boy" and now that he's getting married, the mother is freaking out. She got upset she got removed from the bank account and tracking app. She's trying to spend time with her son alone and give him presents. To me that seems more a sign of clinginess ti her son rather than hating DIL. I'm not saying it's good but it's not necessarily some kind of evil plot against DIL.
  2. Tinydance
    YES.
  3. Tinydance
    Well I agree with this as well. Her fiance shouldn't have mentioned anything about that the cheque was only for him and just spend if together.
  4. Tinydance
    So you're not really looking for a welfare worker who takes care of you (that's actually my work), but more like a friend or activity companion? In that case I don't understand why you need to pay them for it? Do you want this person to also have autism or it can be anyone? In any case, people with autism still have friends so I don't think you need to actually buy someone's friendship. You can still go to other Meetup, social or activity groups and try to make friends there. I think it might be better for you to be friends with other women. This is not meant to be as a misanderist comment that all men are sex predators. But I just got the impression that maybe because of your autism you don't understand some men's intentions towards you. You think they care about you and that they're your friend or date, but all they want is no strings attached hook up. If you would like some kind of paid carer to take you out places then you should contact some support organisations for people with disabilities. Maybe they might even have volunteers who can do this. However keep in mind that this person wouldn't really be your friend. For example at my job I have to act professionally and not add the clients to social media or see them outside of my shifts. And if they stop being my client then I (usually) stop seeing them. So as awful as it sounds but yeah I was seeing them because it was my job. It doesn't mean I didn't like them but I just try to keep my work separate from my personal life. You sound like someone who wants genuine connection so I probably wouldn't go down the hiring someone route. That's just my opinion. If you look at it as having a support worker then that's not a problem. But remember if your money ran out or they left the job or moved etc., you wouldn't see them anymore. It's not like having a real friend who will still be there.
  5. Tinydance
    OK look, as much as you want your MIL to love and adore you as the daughter she never had, invite you to dinners and give you $500, I don't think she actually HAS to do this. I think it's very common for parents to only love their actual child as their own and not their husband or wife or whoever. There are also people who are really different. Parents in law can range from anything to truly awful and hateful to super loving and super generous. There are also MIL's who are in the middle. They accept you and respect you, but they aren't your bestie or "second mother". For example, my mother is a lovely person but my Dad's parents were basically snobs and jerks. They were really rude to my Mum and they didn't take much interest in me either. At my parents' wedding, my grandfather got drunk and began to loudly say to my Dad: "Don't do this! I think you're making a mistake". Like, what?!! I don't think that your MIL is necessarily some kind of horrible witch or necessarily trying to exclude you deliberately. She seems very attached to her son. She wants alone Mummy and son time, she wants to spoil him with $500 for him to treat himself. I don't think it automatically means she dislikes you or she's deliberately plotting something against you. Your expectations of what your MIL has to do towards you or how to treat you is in my opinion really high. You seem to expect her to love her as your own daughter and go above and beyond as for her own child. You are talking about human dynamics and connections. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you but some people might just not feel a super strong connection. Why do you really care if she loves you as her own, does it matter? For example my MIL is a huge fruit loop and I actually deliberately keep my contact with her to a necessary minimum lol Also when you're talking about a relationship, you're talking about two people in that relationship. So your fiance is one of those people. The way a relationship dynamic works is both people are contributing to it. One person at any time can say: "Hey I need to change XYZ, I need to set XYZ boundary." If that person isn't doing that then they are either fine with things just as they are, they like it just as they are, or they are too cowardly or co-dependent to change things. You kept saying that how dare MIL track your fiance's location or be on his bank account. Well this went on all his adult life. And even to track someone they need to download the tracking app themselves and click to allow permission to be tracked. It's not like your fiance's Mum hacked his phone or bank account. Everything was consensual and he wanted it to be this way. Also she gave the $500 and said it was for him but he could have told you: "I got this $500 from Mum, let's go see what we want to get for the wedding." Your fiance is playing along with everything so I don't think you can just villanise the MIL. You were talking about why do people air their relationship dirty laundry to their MIL or other people. Well the way MIL would know it is if her child came to her themselves by their own will. Again, if the MIL isn't actually hacking or wire tapping anything, then this information is being given to her voluntarily.
  6. Tinydance
    You also don't have to follow all of them.
  7. Tinydance
    Well just accept yourself as you are. I think God accepts you as long as you're not hurting other people. Just being gay or bisexual does no harm to anybody so why is it a problem?
  8. Tinydance
    If you're talking about that the "morals" is it's wrong to be gay then correct, I don't care about that.
  9. Tinydance
    Well no offence but I'm really getting the impression that the main problem here in regards to dating at least isn't your disabilities. If for example you want to be with men but you're "not allowed" then you would literally have the same problem even if you were a fully healthy and able bodied person. If the only path for your religion is to marry a woman and you wouldn't follow that path - you would be alone. I definitely believe you that your disability causes you suffering but to me your religion seems like the biggest obstacle.
  10. Tinydance
    Homophobia is also seen as undesirable by many. Especially in progressive western countries.
  11. Tinydance
    I have a few ideas why you hate your life and don't have a relationship. Number one is you're deeply homophobic. Also the Bible says: "God made us in His image." So if He hates gay people then why did He actually make them in His image? Explain this?
  12. Tinydance
    Well first of all religion is very largely subjective. There are many religions in the world. And often they believe different things. There are also people who are atheist. So they don't even believe in God or heaven or hell. Keep in mind too that majority of religious texts were written many thousands of years ago. They're extremely outdated.
  13. Tinydance
    You said you are only sometimes bed ridden, not always? You could be in a wheelchair and get a lift to church and sign them. Also, maybe that relationship might start online but the person might want to move to you and be with you in person. Seriously if you watch the You Tube Squirmy and Grubs, the guy with disabilities has a hot wife lol
  14. Tinydance
    Well you can send the marriage papers by mail and sign them. I think you're actually just trying to come up with any excuse as to why you would never have a relationship. Some of them don't even make that much sense.
  15. Tinydance
    Burn in hell for having an online relationship? Iol Which religion do you follow if you don't mind me asking? You said the online relationship is against your religion because you'd have to marry the woman. For what reason would you need to marry her? For example, in Christianity it's a sin to have sex if you're not married. But since you wouldn't be having sex if it's not in person, you have a very good loop hole there lol
  16. Tinydance
    Well that's your choice and you're totally allowed to make it. But then you shouldn't complain about your own choices.
  17. Tinydance
    Well this is the other constraint as well due to your religion, rather than your disability. No disrespect at all to your religion by the way. I think unfortunately even the religious commitment can make dating options limited unfortunately. For example, I had a colleague at work from a certain traditional country and religion. She was only allowed to date men from her background. I live in Australia though so this woman was an immigrant and could only date other immigrants from her home country basically. She liked other guys but she wasn't allowed to be with them. Eventually she got an arranged marriage but it didn't work out. So she was single ever since to my knowledge.
  18. Tinydance
    Are you speaking to any counsellors about this? Do you have friends and family?
  19. Tinydance
    I'm sorry if I came across harsh but I was simply saying that it still doesn't mean you can't have a relationship or at least some kind of companionship. There are many people with disabilities or chronic illness in this world and many of them do have relationships. You seem to think that only people without disabilities can have a relationship but that's not actually the case. In my own experience working with people with disabilities I definitely realised that the disabilities didn't necessarily stop them from dating.
  20. Tinydance
    Well it's totally up to you if you would like to make peace with it. Do you have friends? I think there are different types of relationships in life. I think any relationship has value but there are just different things you can get from different relationships. I think that unless someone is lying to you online, then if they're completely themselves then it's a real relationship. Like, it's real in the sense that the conversations and connection is real. And at the end of the day it depends what exactly you want from a relationship. For example, some people are asexual so their relationship might be more like a friendship or companionship. You said yourself that you're limited physically so wouldn't an online relationship provide you with an option where you don't physically exert yourself?
  21. Tinydance
    Well I think it's becoming clear the primary reason you're alone isn't your disabilities but your bad attitude about your life and other people. There is always someone posting here with literally exactly the same story. They don't accept any positive comments or solutions and the post just drags on until it gets locked.
  22. Tinydance
    I just find it interesting how many people come on this forum saying their life sucks and there will never be any hope. Then when people try to come up with advice and solutions, the person gets upset and is like: "No you wrong, how dare you say it's possible to have a better life." It's like the person us only posting here because they want others to confirm their life will always suck and they don't like anyone being positive.
  23. Tinydance
    I second this whole post. I actually have direct proof that people with disabilities find love and companionship with other people with disabilities. I know this because I worked as a disability worker for ten years. And some people I worked with were dating or married to other people with disabilities. One couple with disabilities was together for 16 years.
  24. Tinydance
    Well I'm not trying to be rude but right now you don't actually have any relationship. So maybe an online or video call relationship would at least be a step up from that.
  25. Tinydance
    Well it's a hypothetical comment I suppose. I mean technically any type of person can find love and I truly do believe that. But not every person maybe WILL find love. There's a YouTube channel for example called Squirmy and Grubs. They are actually really popular and have something like two million followers. It's a married couple where the man has quite severe physical disabilities and he's married to this attractive able bodied woman. She actually does all his personal care for him. So this is just the way this man's life turned out that he happened to meet this woman who happens to have no problem with his disabilities or being his carer. At the same time there are people with no disabilities or deformities or anything who for some reason didn't actually find anyone. Some of it can be luck and being in the right place at the right time. Or it's just a connection between people. Like for example someone might have a disability but they just really hit it off with somebody else who can overlook their disabilities in favour of the connection they have. What kind of disability do you have? Do you have carers helping you? What about trying to meet someone else who is lonely or also has a disability? I honestly do believe that everyone can fund someone but I think you need to consider what options you might actually have. Like, what kinds of people you might have a chance with.
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