JaneDoe

Thank you for your advice. I actually did break up him but I'm back with him now. Hopefully that will scare him enough. He seems really sorry and he is just so nice (now and before). I have never met anyone like him. I just hope I'm not making a mistake by staying with him. I know he's had a troubled past and hopefully he has learned about lying. If not, then I definitely will have to leave him. I can't take liars. Thanks again.

Thanks, I'll look for it next time I go to Barnes and Noble.

Whoa, hard situation. Well, I would first of all, start by having a long talk with him and asking him what would have made his year better. Also ask what he'd like to have in his life. If he wants more friends, try to get him to go out and find some friends or get some mutual friends of both of you. If he just wants to have more fun, then try to find some fun things that both of you guys can do together. Also, keep reassuring him that he is not stupid and will do fine in finishing up school. If he still struggles, try to help him out a little and lighten his load. Finally, make sure to let him know that you will always be there for him if and when he needs you. I don't know if this is what you were looking for but I think it's worth a try.

No, you should not do it. You are young and even though you love him, you shouldn't unless YOU want to. He seems to be a guy who says whatever he needs to just to get what he wants. Don't give in. Respect yourself.

Hey, that's what I'm going through now. Believe me, she is just confused just like I am. My boyfriend (ex at the moment) lied to me, a lot! I sometimes am nice to him and love him but other times, I hate him and treat him pretty badly. The times that I treat him badly are the times that I'm thinking of what he did. We keep breaking up and getting back together, sometimes all in the same day. I think she needs time to heal and then she'll see if she can trust you again. That's what I'm doing. I don't know if I can trust him again so I'm breaking it off. It's been already 3 months since I found out he lied and we are still going back and forth. I still scream my head off at him sometimes and other times I am calm and affectionate. I'm just confused as I think she is too. Just give her time. Hopefully she will be able to trust you again (if you aren't going to lie anymore of course). Good Luck!

if he had let me know, I wouldn't have gotten mad. I told him that and he said he realizes that now and that he should just discuss things with me and not automatically think that I would get mad. He said he knows now that lies is what gets me mad. But I can't help but think, he's been with me for 7 years (6 1/2 at the time he was lying) and he didn't know to discuss things with me? I was always there for him and always talking to him about things. I guess he was addicted in some way to the game. He spent hours and hours playing (and chatting on forums and messengers to people from the game). He used to come over everyday around 11am-2pm depending on what we were doing that day. When he got addicted to the game, he started coming over at 5 or even 7pm. It was very different. These are days in which we don't work by the way, not every single day. He was very addicted to the game but when I found out he was keeping stuff from me, he dropped it right away. He said he was putting the game and his "online life" as a priority and it was wrong because he knows I'm his 1st priority. He tells me that he took me for granted and was treating me so wrongly and he wants to change. I believe him most of the time but at others I think that it's just a pack of lies again. He says that if he is still lying, why would he go through the stuff I keep putting him through just to save the relationship? He's not going to go through so much heartache and trouble if he's going to ruin again with lies. It's so hard to believe him. Sometimes my old jealousy starts creeping back and I start thinking things like "what if he was cheating and not playing the game?" or "why did he always come so late on thoses days?" It even crossed my mind that this girl from his apartment complex (that also works with us) was pregnant by him! I think I'm just getting paranoid on that one and my jealousy is starting to interfere. Uh, it's so hard, our lives are intertwined so much such as school and work and my family is like his family. He is always over here, eats here everyday and night. His "family" is his mom and he doesn't ever talk to her about his feelings. He has had many problems with her growing up and grew up without a dad. He never knew his real dad (even though he spoke to him on the phone before) and only knew his mom's boyfriends as his dad. He hasn't had a good childhood at all. Is this why he was scared to talk to me? Even after 6 years? He talks to me now a lot but is this only temporary until another "addiction" comes along? or will he lie again just to keep me happy? I can't imagine my life without him. I just wish I could trust him again and he won't take advantage of my trust. Here I go, writing a book again. I'd be interested in hearing more opinions if any of you have any.

I love my boyfriend of 7 years with all my heart and I know he loves me too. He has problems with lying. I used to be jealous a lot and he lied to me for the first 3 years we were together. He didn't lie about anything big, just when he would talk to girls (as friends) and some other harmless things that he thought I would get mad about. We were young at that time. We were both immature and now we've grown up more. I am 21 and no longer so jealous. He is 20 (about to turn 21). I have not been controlling or jealous anymore but last September he started lying to me again (I really believe he was being truthful for the 3 1/2 years in between). He started getting into his online gaming and starting lying about a lot of things online. He kept so much from me and lied to my face. He was chatting with people and acting like a completely different person. I thought that he learned after the first time he kept so much from me but obviously not. He tells me that he is not really like that and he just wanted to fit in. He says he lied to me about it because he thought I'd get mad and he didn't want to fight with me. He wanted me to be happy. I told him last time that I will be happy if he was honest but he obviously forgot or didn't care. From my knowledge, he didn't cheat on me but I have doubts about that too. He lied about so much, I can't trust him anymore. I never thought he could ever cheat on me but then I thought he would never lie to me again either. He is with me everyday for hours on end so I thought he might've needed to get away from me and have some "space" with online friends since he doesn't really hang out with any friends in real life anymore since he's always with me. When I asked him that, he said that he loves being with me. He said he had a cloud over his head with all the family problems he was having and instead of talking to me, he turned to the game. He said that clouded his judgement and he didn't want me to know he had these problems (we don't live together). He says that he now knows not to be afraid to tell the truth, that "temporary happiness" is not good because it is only temporary and will just cause him problems later. He lied for a good 6 months to me until I found out on my own. Then he persisted to continue lying to cover up lies for 1 week following. Finally, he came clean on his own after 1 week. I don't know if he still has other lies or not. He says that he doesn't. None that he remembers but nothing big for sure. He lied so much that he can't remember all of them. I want to trust him because we both make each other so happy (when I don't think of his lying) and we both really want to stay together and grow old together. I just don't want this to happen again. It's already happened twice. He said he learned the first time but obviously he didn't. Maybe it was because we were both still young and immature at that time and he didn't learn. He said that this time has impacted him more and he's also becoming more religious and he's going to go through RCIA at my church (Rite of Christian Innitiation). He said he wants to be a good person and he thinks maybe his past has to do with the fact that he's scared of conflict. He has always had family problems. He thinks that maybe he lied so I wouldn't be disappointed in him and he would still be my "perfect" boyfriend. He really seems like he wants to change but I just don't know if I can trust him again. It seems like I can't. I love him so much and right now we are just friends even though we hug often (to make ourselves feel better because we are so sad not being "together") We are not sexually active even though we did "experiment" one time when we were 16. I do feel deeply connected to him though as if he's my soulmate but if he was, he wouldn't have done this again right? I so confused. I feel like, if we both love each other and want to be together and feel horrible without each other, why not just be together and be happy. But then what about the fights we have about his lying and me not trusting him? --- they happen often when we are together as boyfriend and girlfriend but not as friends(this has been on and off for the past 3 months) He thinks that I should let him prove that I can trust him while we are just friends and then maybe go back out if I can trust him again. Problem is, when we are friends, it's almost the same as us going out except no making out or anything like that. We still hug and hang out all the time. He has offered to go to counseling with me but right now we both are broke with no money. I'm so confused and don't know what to do. Please help. Sorry for rambling and repeating things. confused and in love