confused1607307029

I feel the issue here isn't whether anyones sex drive is "normal" or "healthy". Everyone is different and has different needs and desires when it comes to sex. The issue here is that you and your boyfriend have a "desire discrepancy". This is where you want it more that your boyfriend or vice versa. You really need to be able to communicate about this issue without resorting to blame or anger. This is much easier said than done particularly for the person who is feeling satisfied. Just sit down and explain to him how you feel when he doesn't want sex with you, explain that you feel hurt or rejected etc...just be totally honest with him but do your best to not be judgemental and call him abnormal. All this will do is get his back up and he will become defensive then the situation will do nothing but become destructive. Once you open to channels to honest, non-judgemental communication he will hopefully follow suit and provide you with some insight into his feelings and what he feels his is "normal" sex drive. There may be nothing bothering him and it may be that you've both settled into routine after the initial "lust" period. If this is the case then you need to work out whether you can be with someone that naturally has a lower sex drive than you or whether you need more than he can offer.... Good luck and I hope you work it all out. Just remember the key to working through this is to be NON JUDGEMENTAL!!

No, we don't have any children so that's one less thing to consider I guess... Gypsysong mentioned not pressuring myself into making a decision because I'll end up more muddled and confused than I already am....you hit the nail on the head!!! That's exactly what I need to do. My mind hasn't switched off for the last 7 days and I'm exhausted.... Thanks for your input, you've given me food for thought. I can't stop thinking about the other guy that I just met. I haven't seen him since and don't plan to, BUT I do keep daydreaming about him. I think it is most likely because he represents everything that I've been missing. I want to make this decision for me and not for another relationship though so I think I need to put all thought of the other guy out of my head before I am free to make a decision.

Tarquin I think that if you are sexually attracted to your partner but there is a problem with your sex drive then the problem is fixable. If you are not physically attracted to your wife then you may be better off parting and staying the best of friends. You will only end up resenting her because she doesn't provide you with all that you need! I'm very interested in this subject as I am in a position where my husband and I really love each other and are very well matched intellectually....however, there hasn't been any real spark there for years! Unlike Tarquin I find my husband physically attractive but we just can't get our sex life restarted, we have been trying for years! I'm only 30 and feel I'm too young to give up on those feelings, but at the same time I don't want to throw away an otherwise happy marriage. Whose to say we separate and I find someone else and in five years end up in the same situation? Do you take love/friendship etc over passion? I met someone else briefly and for the first time in about 6 years I experienced those wonderful feelings of lust. I haven't seen the guy since, but cannot get him out of my mind. I feel I'm only obessessing over him because he represents what I am missing out on.... Do I stay and try and resurrect that with my husband, or do I give up everything we've worked for as well as, potentially, my chance at having a family? ooooh life is soo hard.

Not sure if anyone can provide me with some insight...I am sooo confused. Basically I am 30 yo and have been with my husband since I was 18. We have been married for 7 years. My husband and I are basically the best of friends, we talk about absolutely EVERYTHING! He is loving, caring, sensitive...everything you could ask for in a husband. We have had a very volatile relationship with many extreme ups and downs but we have kept working on staying together...one main reason being is that my husband suffers from depression. Early on in our relationship we had a problem with an extremely lacking sex life due to my low sex drive. Over the years I have managed to work out my issues and have actually succeeded in increasing quite significantly my interest in sex. IN the meantime my husband has switched off his sex drive in order to protect himself over the years and we have found ourselves in a reversal of the early years. On the weekend I went to a party and met a guy there and we flirted and ended up kissing....it was sooo thrilling (I realise that this is just lust!). I told my husband about it and he wasn't at all concerned and suggests it a normal reaction after being together for so long. He also suggested that in the future if I'm tempted to just have sex as long as I come back to him in the end. I'm not sure that I want this kind of relationship but I'm also not sure that I want to give up what I have with him as I don't know if I'll find better elsewhere. I do love my husband but do I stay with him because he's my best friend or do I leave to pursue romance???? HELP!!