DragonGirl724

Ydas,

think of it this way....try to nab her before someone else does.

you miss 100% of the chances you never take.

-DG724

any news on this girl and her mother??

-DG724

it was a cuddle!!!!

 

thats all!

i know what you mean but there is a thing called 'emotional cheating' if he/she actually had feelings for the 'cuddlee'...but that doesnt even apply to this b/c they are on a break. FREE GAME! every man for themselves. lol

-DG724

you feel absolutly nothing. thats how you know.

-DG724

all i have to say is that Actions are Thoughts acted out......

did you ever hear of:

premeditated homicide...

premeditated rape...

premeditated assault...

THEY ALL STARTED OUT AS THOUGHTS THEN ACTED OUT!!!

HELLO!!!!!!!!!! RED FLAG!!! BAIL OUT OF THIS!!! HES WARNING YOU WHETHER OR NOT HE EVEN KNOWS IT!!

you hold your sexuality sacred, he views it as animalistic behavior. 2 different creatures! get out while you can!!!! so many victims wished they had a heads up before they got attacked...YOU JUST MIGHT HAVE THAT 'HEADS UP'!! youre a fool if you ignore it!!

i wouldnt risk it. he sounds like a creep. does he come from an abusive backround? he is threatening you with rape and cheating if you dont 'put out'! MY GOD, LEAVE HIM!!! GET OUT NOW WHILE YOU CAN! before something aweful happens!

it may or may not happen. but your life is not worth the risk for this ***HOLE!!!

HES DANGEROUS!!!!!!!

-DG724

Helpme,

the elapsed time doesnt matter. the relationship is temporarily non existant. its not cheating if you ask me.

why this break anyway???

-DG724

when you say traits, do you mean like funny? smily? kind? up for a laugh?

well, those can be part of the list if thats what you desire...

like:

*goal oriented,

*funny,

*solid family backround,

*outgoing...etc...

even physical attributes if youre really picky...

just to dwindle the list from:

"I WANT ANY & EVERYONE I CANT OR SHOULDNT HAVE"

to

"I WANT A MATE WHO IS SINCERE, CARING, OUTGOING...etc"

and quit wasting these guy's time and breaking so many hearts that's cold, unfair and completely unnecessary...

youre probably giving these guys complexes...why do that to someone?!?

...i think its quite mean actually...

-DG724

goodluck QTpie,

id talk to the doctors about your home life as well. depression doesnt always come about out of nowhere on its own. more than likely it had a lot to do with the mood at your home. confide in the doctors. family counseling may need to take place as well. best of luck hun. take care of yourself and never give up. especially when you have people rootin for you here.

-DG724

*if youre interested in being her friend in hopes of getting her back, dont do it.

 

*if youre trying to maintain a friendship out of fear of letting go, dont do it.

 

*if you are willing to settle for any kind of relationship with her, even if its friendship, just so you can keep the 'comfort' of having her around in your life, then dont do it.

 

*if you are completely over her and wish to renew a once wonderful friendship...then go for it.

-DG724

wow...really? i hope your not right, cuz im goin through the same thing and as off late my ex and i have been hangin out alot...is this a bad thing?

REAL TALK,

it all depends on your motives behind it...its simple math man. take yourself out of this situation for ONE MOMENT. what would you tell one of your boys to do if he were you......????

-DG724

it could be because of your age. it seems to be the trend among younger people who dont want or arent ready to settle.

but thats generalizing...

*do you fear commitment?

*do you go for guys out of your league as a test of your ego?

*do you fear rejection, so you bail before it becomes anything?

how to become 'less chasey'....youll never find a BF if you dont!

a sweet reality check sometimes does the trick.

IF YOU WANT A BOYFRIEND make a list of traits you want in a guy and dont waste your time 'chasing' the 'wrong ones'.

-DG724

i think the way a guy or girl is on the first date is how they should be the 2nd date, the 3rd date etc...

if a guy doesnt like to shave, then dont shave on the first date.

false first impressions suck and i hate when people try to impress others with this superficial crap they do on the first date..its so played out and old.

be yourself. they can either take it or leave it on the first date..and not find out the 'real you' months down the line...dont drag it out, get it done faster. i drink beer and burp on my first dates, you think i care? nope. because i do both all the time. make it a "take it or leave it" scenario.

-DG724

the web can be self destructing. people misdiagnose themselves all the time with crap they read on the web. dont rely on Google to diagnose your medical conditions. youll drive yourself mad!

QTpie,

you came to this websyte for advice, you clearly want help. so suicide shouldnt even be a thought in your head. help is out there. return to the hospital, they can run certain tests and treat you accordingly. do not self diagnose your condition. it can be a pletra of things and combination of things. you can also be psychologically as well as physically evaluated at the hospital. its called medical PRACTICE for a reason. they could have read your condition wrong and need to try a new form of treatment for you. please get the help you are seeking there. we're all behind you.

-DG724

expect a rollarcoaster of emotions. nothing worth anything in life is ever simple. id suggest keep your distance to heal, no other reason but that. maintaining contact can prolong the pain of not having the person in your life any longer. the sooner you rid them from your life the better youll feel...faster.

why are you interested in keeping a friendship? b/c you know you cant really be friends with someone youre in love with. i know 26 days seems like an eternity, but its really not that long at all.

*if youre interested in being her friend in hopes of getting her back, dont do it.

*if youre trying to maintain a friendship out of fear of letting go, dont do it.

*if you are willing to settle for any kind of relationship with her, even if its friendship, just so you can keep the 'comfort' of having her around in your life, then dont do it.

*if you are completely over her and wish to renew a once wonderful friendship...then go for it.

i doubt youre up to the last scenario only 26 days into the game....

but you know you better than we do...so goodluck.

-DG724

a break is exactly that....a break...a break in the relationship. you are free to do whatever you want.

now if you have plans to get back afterwards....which i think is dumb to take a break if you plan on getting back in the first place, but whatever...anyway...if you plan on gettin back together..id watch what my actions very carefully if i were you....b/c how you conduct yourself during this 'break' may turn off your newly rekindled partner.

is anything cheating while on a 'break'? no b/c youre temporarily not in a relationship...

-DG724

your post jumps around all over the place! I CANT FOLLOW YOUR STORY AT ALL!!!!!

-DG724

i think you are absolutly right in going back to the hospital. SUICIDE IS NEVER AN OPTION! and cutting is extremely pointless. you feel rage and taking it out on a living creature is wrong in so many ways. but i suggest going back to the hospital b/c depression sometimes can not be cured without certain treatments. anti-depressants are temporary fixes. depression is a chemical imbalance and needs to be dealt with. it is a very serious mental condition and people now-a-days throw around the word 'depression' and 'bi-polar' like its a new cool thing to say. when in reality its VERY SERIOUS! and leads to further health complications. please speak to a doctor. if the doctor youve been seeing hasnt been helping any, seek a new one. God hasn't overlooked you.

storm.ca/~ateather/footprnt.htm

please keep your head up. my best advice is to seek further professional care.

-DG724

wow. pretty intense story. im glad God has given you this second chance at getting reaquainted with your long lost boys...

just a heads up, dont think youre going to know their "deepest darkest secrets"...at least not yet. trust has to be re-established and each one of your boys can and will probably respond differently.

i have a friend who's mom split b/c of relations with the father...and all 3 kids felt very differently towards her. the littlest one was very accepting of her appologies, but he was just a small child. the middle boy is very hostile and distant, and the oldest girl just wants there to be no fighting and has welcomed her mom back into her life.

i would just sit back with them...without the 12 pack...you dont want any drunken conversations with your boys. and the best and most simplest suggestion is the start at the beginning and to finish at the end...

talk. let them hear your entire story, without any interruptions on either part...then hear them both out. show emotion, dont think showing your emotions will scare them away. let them see the compassionate 'mother side' in you. they are old enough now to understand how adults can react to things and they are old enough to express themselves. its a very difficult age theyre at yet it also has its benefits.

be completely honest with them, as much as reliving those past memories haunt you and evoke guilt. you have to tell them everything.

as for the distant 18 year old. dont pressure him into accepting you back. pressure will just scare him away for good. show concern, care and love. he is like a timid puppy with a new owner. he may back off when you reach your hand out to touch him, but once he senses that you reach out to him in love and vulnerability he will start to be more trusting. he wants control of this situation right now. and he has every right to want that. he is not about to spill his guts to you and the comment about 'i want to beat you up then cling to you', shows that he wants to release this anger but what he wants in the end is a nurturing loving mother to protect him. id suggest talking casually if he is not ready for the deep stuff just yet. talk about you. talk about you until something sparks his interest. he needs a lot of time to think. he wants control b/c he feels vulnerable to getting hurt again. tell him you will give him all the time in the world but to please at least THINK OVER trying to talk to you...even for one day. one discussion. one more chance and thats all youre asking for. and the choice is up to him how to proceed afterwards.

best of luck with everything! keep us posted.

-DG724

no offense...but is this post for real?

you mean to say you want to have meaningless sex with someone...anyone...and you dont care who. and youre bent b/c you cant find a random lay??

this sounds like a very desperate goal to be working at....

why dont you instead stop thinking about sex as being #1 on your list and just get out more and DATE!

sex is NOT going to fulfill your lonely mood. if anything if you hook up with some guy and he leaves right afterwards...youll probably feel 1000x worse....am i missing something here???

-DG724

in my earlier years of college i was big into raves..i would go there and i would literally feel the music flow through my veins. and all forms of dancing and raving just came so naturally to me. and i swear on my life i never touched a pill or any drug of the sort!

dancing and music are so theraputic.

music and all forms of Art are God's gift to mankind. Art makes the world a more beautiful and unifying place. those who can create GOOD art and music are touched with such a blessed gift.

-DG724

OMG MUSIC IS SO POWERFUL! it changes my mood instantly. it provokes thought, stirs emotions, and really gets my mind to either wander into bliss or allows me to fully concentrate. it expresses feelings through melody and is very sentual.

i do my best artwork when im listening to music. it can be anything, BUT despite what others say, i hate orchestra music, like Mozart and Beethoven. that kind of music just gets me very angry and it is heavily distracting. its loud noise. i like music that doesnt stress me out. and I HATE GANGSTA RAP! GOD HOW I HATE GHETTO RAP! i like some rap..old school hiphop and rap up until the mid 90s but now, its just a joke.

i love most types of music. if music, like visual arts,(paintings, sculptures etc), can make you think or if stirs up any kind of emotion, then it is a success, in one way or another it has done its job.

-DG724

drink if you want to, dont drink if you dont want to. its as easy as that.

as for the teasing...youre probably just an easy target. youre their scapegoat. i probably would have laughed my drunk *** off too if someone dropped their plate of food. but thats just how i am. i think stupid stuff like that is funny. lol. simple minds i guess...haha anyway..now depending on what these people are like, use your own judgement here. if you react to this like it really gets under your skin, it may entice them to do it more. or if you act like you play it off like its nothing, theyll get bored and stop. but you know how these people are so it could work the opposite. use your own judgement. you know them better than any of us do.

but while theyre sober id suggest asking them...'what the heck is it with you guys pickin on me everytime we all get together??' say it very nonchalantly and see how they respond. then tell them how it kinda makes you wonder about them and makes you feel awkward around them...

and if you let them know it ticks you off and upsets you and they still dont stop. then id suggest not attending get-togethers with them if alcohol is going to be involved. maybe THEN itll seep into their ignorant minds.

goodluck. family can be a real pain in the.....sometimes.

-DG724

I want to know how to tell him we shouldn't meet just because if we meet I kno i will fall more for him. I dont want to hurt him or drag this out more, I just wnat to end it and take all the blame myself. Even if it means he goes away upset with me, I wouldnt enjoy that but I dont want him to think I'm doing this because of him.

 

What should I tell him?

tell him the truth:

" I want to be single right now, because I have been through a lot lately. "

and thats it.

dont blame yourself for this not workin out. if you dont want it you dont want it! its no ones fault! the heart wants what the heart wants..and the same goes for what the heart DOESNT WANT. dont throw yourself a pity party over this. pity parties are no fun b/c face it youll be partying by yourself.

just break it to him you want to be single and not ready for a BF.

YOURE NOT LYING! you cant live your life doing what you dont want to do just to make someone else happy...cmon now.

-DG724

the business world and the world of politics will never be anything but currupt. its just that you have to suck it up and get over it because it will never change. 'its not what you know, its who you know'. and once youre in the right network of people theres no stoppin you...UNLESS you surpass the one who got you in the network in the first place...then you usually get fired or killed.

-DG724

ahh summerlove,

im not bragging but you sound just like me. as of the moment i have 3 guys who are riding in the same boat as i am. all willing to commit, all nice guys, all fun and have different great attributes etc...hows a girl to choose????

its a blessing to some and a curse to others. unfortunately this will result in heartbreak for 2 out of the 3 if not 3 out of the 3. i, like you, would rather feel pain than inflict it onto others. but somethings in life just cant be avoided.

i have had situations like this throughout my highschool career and still continues throughout college...and just this year (2005) i vowed to myself that I WILL NOT INVOLVE MYSELF WITH MORE GUYS THAN I CAN HANDLE! but im kind of in a rut right now with that, but i found that the best result as of right now....is to let it all pass and to remain single.

i dont know your past with these guys but from my personal experience; i have such a well rounded friendship and history with all 3 of these gents that its just simply too much to risk. so id rather not even bother. and in time maybe something can evolve with one of them, or maybe none of them. but its hard b/c all 3 have cared for me for a number of years...its really tough deciding. and i know how much of a burden it is weighing on your soul.

if i were you id take a breather. and sort out your feelings. youre very flustered right now and its understandable. last summer i had this decision to make between 2 guys and i hate to say this b/c i strongly feel 'everything happens to a reason' but i chose the guy that caused me depression and immense heartache over a guy i knew wouldnt have. but i grew as a person from it.

do these guys know youre dating other fellas? if so confide in them and explain how emotionally draining it is and how it hurts you to think about because they are all so wonderful its heartbreaking to deal with. if any of them rush you into something and disreguard your concerns, DITCH HIM! he isnt worth it. one of the guys i was diveded among, gave me an ultimadum and i had to decide right there on the spot, luckily the other guy wasnt there. and like an idiot i went with the guy who through me a quick yes or no cut dry ultimadum. i learned from that. any guy who does that is a heartless, selfish ***hole. so learn from my mistake.

sort your mind out before going further with any of these guys. dont get sexual with them yet, unless you had already. and if you already have had sexual relations with all or some of them, dont continue to until you have come to terms with what you want. if it can be done-dont even kiss or make out with any either.

i know how much this is racking your brain. im with you on that one. talk to your family & friends who know these guys as well. get their opinions. and as much as i hate to say it, mom's are usually right....lol.

goodluck hun. i wish you all the best.

-DG724

i was just thinking.

i dont care much about academic intelligence...BUT IF A GUY LACKS COMMON SENSE OR DOESNT GET MY JOKES, OR **** HAS TO BE EXPLAINED TO HIM EVEN THOUGHT IT IN ALL REALITY SHOULDNT NEED TO BE REEXPLAINED! OR HAS THE WITS OF A ROCK!! then THAT is a major turn off! i have no patience for that kinda stuff. AT ALL!!! i need a guy on the same brain waves in that aspect.

-DG724