DragonGirl724

you cant go wrong with eating & drinking and getting to know eachother on a casual stroll around town...see where your feet take you.

-DG724

jflatt,

stop worrying man. the girl is obviously somewhat interested in you already since you 2 ARE hangin out and all...so continue to be YOU. relax and have a good time. mini golf is a cute idea, tho an ex of mine used to try to get me to go a bunch of times and i think its the most boring game on the planet. so i dunno, ask her what she wants to do. the best nights are usually unplanned. spontanuity is a good thing.

relax, stay cool and be yourself.

-DG724

what it all comes down to is; if the member who posted the topic is willing to TOLERATE his "laziness"' "lack of motivation" whatever you want to call it....a rose by any other name, is still a rose.

any feedback from the member who posted this topic??

-DG724

we should first and foremost go by the FACTS. there is no solid reasoning that shows that her BF is cheating.

innocent until proven guilty...at least thats how it is in The States.

and for that i say, God Bless America.

-DG724

Yup. Go, do about a half hour of face time, and develop a headache.

lol dealing with a bunch of people he doesnt like AND an ex gf, he MAY ACTUALLY get a headache. lol and then he wont be lying after all...look at how good it works out. 8) lol

-DG724

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG with her being a striving goal oriented gal, and wanting a guy who is the same.

and yeah she may encounter another lazy guy in the future, but heck there are lazy women too!! people sometimes ARE lazy. some ARE and some ARE NOT. to generalize and say MOST MEN ARE is quite unfortunate to the men in this world. personally im surounded by hardworking men in my life, and i know women who would much rather be a stay at home wife than to work.

IT IS NOT HER RESPONSIBILITY TO MANAGE HIS FINANCES!! she is NOT his mother and she is NOT his financial advisor!! she is his GIRLFRIEND who is SUPPORTING HIM! HE'S A BIG BOY NOW! he needs to grow up. i wouldnt tolerate this behavior.

IM SHOCKED YOU SUGGEST THAT NAGGING WILL SOLVE THIS OR ANY PROBLEM!

nagging just PISSES PEOPLE OFF! do not NAG this guy, if this is how he is and he doesnt mind mooching off his GF, & isnt willing to change to make himself more independent, then thats how he is.

take it or leave it....

-DG724

its just like when you were 17 and had to lie to your parents about where you were going on a friday night. they could always tell i was lying when i started going into the elaborate details....

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! O MAN THAT BRINGS BACK SO MANY BAD MEMORIES! LOL!

-DG724

then go to say hello and show your face, then bounce. say you already made plans...say you have a hot date.

-DG724

just say you have commitments already scheduled for that day. "sorry". send him a card saying congratulations and that youre sorry you couldnt make it.

it shows some kind of effort.

-DG724

I do feel like i'm being paranoid it's just that normally he'll call me at night to check in and see how I am so the past two nights I've called him and his cell phone was off so I left a message and then yesterday he called me during the day at work and I brought it up and he said he didn't get my message that he was at a friends house and he also said to call him last night which I did his phone was shut off again and I left a message and he never called me back I just find it strange.

you can overanalyze your situation until you drive yourself insane....

....i suggest not doing it.

-DG724

well, ask him if he used to look at any.

did he know initially that porn upsetted you?

and he could just be prevented a serious outrage by dilluting the situation, or maybe he never did look it up. whatever the case, personally i dont think its means to get so bent over. so id just inform him how it makes you feel and dead the issue.

goodluck.

-DG724

I raelly appreciate everybody's responses.

If i'm not aware of it... and he doesnt want to tell me...

that does hurt me.

we're going to talk about this when he comes home from lunch...

figure things out.

if he swears he didnt... ill take his word for it

but im going to make it CRYSTAL CLEAR that i dont like it and i dont appreciate it .

i'm not okay with it...

ive been hurt really badly, so i am still insecure and the thought of him watching porn just triggers those feelings.

any more responses would be great.

thanks for your support guys.

FCUK, (nice brand by the way )

did you know he was interested in porn before you & he were involved with eachother? b/c if you did know then its highly unfair to try to 'train' him now NOT to look at it.....

and you cant blast him for this. b/c if he had no idea it bothered you, you cant hold it against him. do not over react chill out and just tell him how it makes you feel. if he wasnt interested in porn before you, and NOW knows how much it upsets you, and if he STILL CONTINUES to look it up, then he is being highly disrespectful of your wishes and its up to you whether or not you can tolerate it.

-DG724

chill out, unless you have any solid reason as to him cheating it is wrong of you to accuse him of such behaviors. if you have insecurities you need to focus more on them b/c they will cause major problems in your relationship.

if youre paranoid, check this out:

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but be honest with your man and i have a feeling he'll be honest with you. just because hes talking to his ex gf doesnt mean he wants to be with her, (ask yourself: would you be this paranoid if she wasnt an EX, and instead a friend...?) and usually when 2 exs can talk to eachother and it be no big deal, its usually a clear sign that theyre both over eachother and can talk casually without any awkward feelings.

-DG724

You could dump him, but remember that A LOT of guys are like that, so you will have trouble finding someone not like that. I know so many girls who work hard at work and school, while they have boyfriends who sit at home and do nothing. This seems to be a common phenomenon in this culture. I think it is because there has been such a push to get females into colleges and different professions that guys have been left out and left behind. At my university, and at most universities in the Canada and the US, two-thirds of the students are female. Our society does not have the same expectations for guys as it once did, and that is why guys are falling behind.

WHAT IN THE WORLD?!?! i think its crazy to think that it will be hard for her to find a guy with goals and thats willing to strive towards them!!! all my male friends and my brother are in school, are working, all own or want to own wonderful things and achieve so much for themselves and are working HARD TOWARDS THEIR ASPIRATIONS IN LIFE!! DO NOT fill this girl's head with the thoughts of she wont find a guy not like this...are you kidding?!?

AND WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR INFORMATION FROM???

there are MORE MALES THAN FEMALES AT UNIVERSITIES.

link removed

anyway cattalk,

i just needed to clear that up. and i would like to state that: no making a list may not make you find your DREAM MAN. BUT WHAT IT DOES DO is it is written in black and white WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT TO YOU in order to find happiness and a successful relationship. and sometimes we are love blind and do not put into perspective whats REALLY IMPORTANT to us. and MAKING A LIST 'unblinds you' for a moment and lets you PHYSICALLY see the real deal, written BY YOU, in black & white. sometimes it helps to see it for yourself. try it out.

it helps you focus on what you want in a mate, what you'd rather do without and what YOU CANT STAND. then you can apply it to wherever you deem necessary.

goodluck,

-DG724

im not one to pass judgement but i think i know the kind of person your BF is. and it pissed me off too when i had/have to deal with it. you just have to weigh out the goods & bad's of being in a relationship with him...make a list of what matters most to you. whats MOST IMPORTANT to whats LEAST IMPORTANT in a successful relationship TO YOU. and then make a list of his good traits as well as his bad ones & how those traits make you feel.

the answer will be in black & white.

-DG724

raykay,

a summer job wont effect his school work. he'd be out of school.

the dude is just lazy in my opinion.

now its up to you cattalk whether or not you want or can handle that in a mate. either decision is fully your own and hey, maybe itll wake his butt up.

-DG724

geez,

i have a few similar issues with the guy im seein.

you dont have to settle for anyone you dont want. you know youre not materialistic, you are goal oriented as well as motivated and have ambition.

he lacks those things....if it pisses you off, there is nothing wring with breaking up with him for not being able to conduct his life in such a way that works for the both of you. not ONE person has to be the breakwinner of a relationship...and his family issues you cant hold him reliabale for, which im sure you know, BUT the apple doesnt fall far form the tree my dear....he got this attitude from his home life. and the pattern will be VERY HARD TO BREAK. its all he knows.

people dont just break up with people because someone catches the other cheating or something, people breakup everyday b/c their partners arent what they want for a relationship. dont feel bad about it. dont give it a second thought if this guy isnt the guy you want to be with. dont settle hun. this will cause future conflicts in the future.

"ya cant teach an old dogs new tricks." its a cliche' because its true so many times...

-DG724

jflatt,

got your PM man...i was so fired up from your post.

if you continue to be this *****'s love slave then may God help you. she is warped bro. she wants what she cant have and once she gets it, it gets old, REALLY FAST...not only with you, but with those other guys as well. its a repeated pattern, dont be blind to it! and she continually goes back to the guy who accepts her all the time. you are her comfort zone. i agree w/ DN ditch her bro she IS too problematic. this is rediculous. the more time you waste on the wrong ones the less time you have with the right one. this chick isnt going to change. discard all her info, all her pictures and do yourself a favor and move on!

you did NOT need a counselor, SHE DID AND STILL DOES! she will never be settled in life unless some miraculous event happens to make her change her ways. dont be this girl's doormat. respect yourself man. if she contacts you again be very brief and blunt say:

"listen, end it already im done with you! youre a ____(fill in the blank)___ and you use people. now leave me the hell alone!"

put this chick in her place. she needs to wake up and quit tryin to play nice guys as fools. understanding should never be considered a sign of weakness, and she considers your understanding as a form of weakness. she has this GOD'S GIFT ATTITUDE like: "i can have him back if i want."

do yourself a huge favor and after telling her off, X her from your life completely, and MOVE FORWARD.

what the heck do you need her for anyway!?

-DG724

buy TWO pregnancy tests from the pharmacy and take them! the chances of them BOTH BEING WRONG ARE SLIM TO NONE! the tests show a POSITIVE for pregnancy if a certain chemical is found in the urine. IF ITS THERE YOU ARE PREGNANT IF ITS NOT YOU ARE NOT! theyre way more accurate than the calendar timing method youre trying to figure out. the only way a test is inaccurate is if you dont follow the directions and screw it up some how. youd be surprised that once you take the test it comes up negative and your period comes 30seconds later. THAT HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE. you stressing out can also be playing a huge role in the lateness of your period. chill out and take the test(s).

why dont you just get it done?

-DG724

these kind of posts really make me wonder why people stress themselves out so much with POSSIBILITIES when the ANSWER TAKES LESS THAN 3 MINUTES TO FIGURE OUT.

GO GET A PREGNANCY TEST!

-DG724

I supose it probably has something to do with my dad leaving my family when I was 16....or my ex boyfriend cheating on me. But i am really insecure. I hate it. I hate thinking all these bad things are going to happen. I want to be happy....

 

HOW CAN SOMEONE STOP BEING INSECURE? how can I feel like I deserve to be with this wonderful guy? and BELIEVE that this realtionship is special and will last. I think that once I find out how this can happen....then all of our troubles will go away. I dont want to be this insecure, meek jelous person anymore. I dont like myself this way.

 

Please help. Thank you

i understand you may be uneasy about him hangin w/ this girl due to your cheating EX but this is very important: DONT CATEGORIZE YOUR BOYFRIEND WITH YOUR CHEATING EX OR YOUR FATHER. DONT COMPARE PEOPLE, COMPARE SITUATIONS!

flip the script for a minute: would it be fair if HE categorized YOU with a cheating ex of his?

i know this insecurity bothers you, but it happens all the time to a lot of people. but its just HOW you deal with it that will differenciate the outcome.

stay cool and talk this over like calm, level headed adults without ANY interruptions. and as soon as someone starts to raise their voice; say calmly "please lets talk, not yell."

and if one starts to interrupt the other and cut them off mid sentence just politlely say: "please, can i finish....?"

because ironically enough the louder you make yourself, the less they seem to hear.

take care,

-DG724

hey girl,

check out this post it sounds quite similar to yours:

(my advice on there turned her around, maybe it could help shed some light on yours as well.)

link removed

check it out i wish you all the best.

keep posting, lemme know what you think.

but may i just add, that sometimes a woman's gut instinct knows more than just whats on the surface. its a phenomenon since the cave people hehehe i felt the way you had towards the end of my last relationship, and so many fights started over it. and we broke up, but i dont know if the fighting caused our breakup or the fact that my gut instinct that we were going to break up was actually pretty on point. sometimes we feel someone drifting away and we tend to pull them even closer. we feel threatened by the shift in attention. and we become clingy and more insecure about ourselves and our relationship. but to have a more understanding successful relationship, one must just come to terms with letting the person do as he/she wishes and see what comes of it...(if there is no reason prior to have a lack-of-trust issue). TALK with him, dont ARGUE. once you say stuff like 'when when you do this it pisses me off...' etc.. say something like:

"you know i love you with all my heart, but sometimes i feel insecure about our relationship, i cant explain why, but please this seems to be a plaguing issue and i hate fighting. i love you and i think we should nip this in the bud now before it gets any worse. because SOMETHING is making me feel this way, and you & i are a team, lets work together and talk this over and fix this because it effects us both."

listen to your heart, but think with your head. you know your boyfriend more than any of us do. you'll do the right thing.

-DG724

You are right concerning towels, toilet seats etc. Genital to hand to genital spread is common. As you say the virus is a shedder and whilst it has shorterm exposed life, it does have life. Unfortunately it is one STD that is very difficult to protect against.

yea it is. actually the word herpes comes from the latin word 'to creep'

crazy huh.

-DG724

if you are a virgin and havent had sexual relations below the waist then there is no chance of contracting herpes below the waist. herpes like many viruses die when it hits the air.

 

This is not a safe rule to live by. Herpes can indeed be transmitted by genital to hand to genital contact. It does not require the engagement in sexual intercourse to transmit.

richgabe,

there are no proven facts that show herpes spreading once it is exposed to air. but there is a virus called Herpes Whitlow (herpes of the finger) that you can contract from manually stimulating a partner's genitals who is having an outbreak or shedding the virus. sharing towels, toilet seats and clothing will not transmit the virus.

-DG724

silentone,

shheeeesh

feel better man i can only imagine how irritating it is...

were u camping or something??

-DG724