MJL

hey shocked, thanks for that reply, is really encouraging! As you said, during may we had periodic contact, mainly due to being at college together etc. As for her splitting, i think it was a combination of the "self discovery" you were talking about, and me being a bit too controlling. I think the "is the grass greener?" argument is in play here aswell. As for no contact, i'll try my best, but it is hard. With the exams there's a huge chance ill bump into her, because we take similair exams, and they often put everyone into the same room. What do you guys think i should do if i see her, or she initiates some sort of contact? I allways find those kind of situations the hardest. Thanks again, Matt xx

hey thanks for the reply. Yeah i have started to let go, has been 10 days since ive spoken to her and 2 weeks since i've seen her. I'm still unsure, as ive said in my other topic, what should i do if/when she contact me? play it cool? ignore it? this is what is confusing me at the moment. thanks, matt.

Ok, 2 days of no contact, and no sign of her. Like i said in my last post, what do i do when she contacts me? Most likely it'll be online or with a text message. Do i ignore it completely, reply, or what?? Sorry but im confused on this one! Thanks again

Hey thanks nenez, that meant a lot to me. So i've started not speaking to her. The problem is last time i did this it got to day 5/6 and she started contacting me again. Should i just ignore her if this happens again? Just that i know how stubborn she is and she would probably take this the wrong way. Thanks again, Matt xx

Hi all, I've posted once before, but no one replied. Anyways, here's the link that gives all the background, please note it was written a while ago. link removed So ill update you a bit. We havent been out on a date at all, she has been "busy" . Juts had some general light chats online and at college. She seems busy most the time though. On saturday i gave her a lift to a party. she ignored me most of the night, but on the way back when i dropped her off she hugged me, held me tight. she asked me if i was ok and i said i find it hard. She said she missed me. We looked at each other, and i wanted to kiss her, but didn't, i think it would of caused further problems, allthough don't know what she would of done. Well anyways, had a little bit of argument today, we were talking online and she left unannounced. She was doing something with her mum, but i overreacted. So i don't think she wants to speak to me now. I'm going to give her a letter, outlining how i feel. I'll do this end of june, when our exams finish. I don't know what i want to achieve from this post, but some support/advice would be warmly received. It's been a hard day today, feeling drained and lonely. i hope happier days are ahead. thanks again, Matt xx

Hi all, as you can tell im new around here. Before i start ill say thank you to everyone who has contributed on here, your advice and conversations have helped me to understand myself and others more fully in this time of confusion. Thanks in advance for reading all this, it's kinda me getting this off my chest as well as explaining it to you all Ok, so here's my situation. I'll give you all the information as best i can, but if you have any other questions that could help me/you understand better then please ask away. I had been seeing my girlfriend for a year, and our anniversary was 1st of march, we did that to save confusion. I had booked us to go on the london eye and go out for a meal afterwards. I kept it a surprise and for weeks she was genuinely looking forward to it, kept trying to guess where we were going and stuff. So this was a major point in our relationship, her only other "serious" relationship lasted 6 months, and this was my first relationship of any form with a girl. Now i'll give you a little background as to how we met. We went to school together, and sat next to each other in one class. She was a nice girl, and unlike many others at school, i felt i could approach her and talk. We chatted on MSN and briefly at school, this lasted till we went to college. A lot of her friends had gone to another college, so i was one of her main people to talk to at college. By this time i was really interested in her, and we went out a few times with friends. Anyway that new year, 2002/03 , we had our first kiss and in my drunken state i told her i love her lol. so few months after this after seeing each other alot, we slowly but surely got serious. she said she loved me, and once broke down in tears because she didn't want to lose me like her last love. i reassured her i will allways be here. fast forward until after that summer, and things were good, but this is where i now see things started going down hill. I had this problem with her smoking, but she had reassured me she had stopped. i knew she had, but anytime she went somewhere without me i got paranoid she was smoking. this caused a few minor arguments. the other problem was that i knew what some of her friends were like, and didn't love the idea of her going out, getting drunk and doing god knows what, whilst im sitting there being taken for granted. so as a result of this she hardly saw her friends, and we spent all our spare time together. this wasnt as much a problem for me because me and my mates hardly did anything anyway, ive allways been the sorta "loner" type i guess. me and my girl still loved each other dearly though. Now nearer to the break up, i was staying at hers and when we were going to sleep i just sat up and started crying. Things at home weren't good for me, hadnt been for a while, and she was the only person who i could truly talk to it about. anyway that night she said to me " don't crush me". i now fully understand what she meant by this. So both our birthdays come and go, as does valentines day, no problems there. Then our anniversary comes by. We agreed not to give presents/cards but we had this london eye thing booked for a while so that was my present to her i guess. We had college that day, was a monday, and in the evening, like usual, we went to her house because her parents were out and cooked dinner. It felt a little awkward, and i was probably annoyed with her for some stupid reason like i did sometimes. anyway she could tell something was up and said" look at us, its our anniversary and we're spending it like this". we had a talk about things and it was the usual about going out with friends and stuff. but we sorted it out, or so i thought. ok so that wednesday was the major turning point, i knew something was up during the day at college, but on the way home came the problem. She started talking to me about how she felt trapped, she needed space. It got a bit emotional, but she said she loved me and would never hurt me. Actually quite a few times she said she would never hurt me, thorugh out our relationship that is. i think it's because we were good friends. she said we shouldnt go to london on saturday because she couldnt sit there with me feeling like she did. i said well atleast come with me as a friend, and she agreed.the week before one of her best friends had text her saying that the saturday we were going to go to london was her 18th and they were going out. she replied saying that me and her were going to london and she cudnt make it. anyway she said i should give her some space and i respected this. the next day at college again there was something between us. on the way home i said to her i felt "torn apart" because i couldnt understand why she wanted this at the time. we talked a bit, and she mentioned taking a break, and i pointed out the difference between a break and having space. she also said she couldnt go to london again, this time i said don't worry about london, as it was clearly a problem for her.anyway i didnt talk to her again that evening, respecting her space. then came the big one. on friday morning she text me, saying i need to talk to you. we used to meet each other in the morning and walk to college together everyday. we hadnt for a few days. so i was nervous as hell, expecting something bad, but not what happened. she said that can i sell her tickets for a gig we had booked for may and april. then she said when she was walking home the past two days she felt free, like she could go anywhere she wanted, not like when we were together. i said i can give her space and time, but she had obviously made her mind up. i asked if there was anyone else, i didnt think there was and she said there wasnt. she's not that kind of girl. anyway after me crying and saying i ve got noone now, she gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek. i said i dont think we can be friends, i still love you, and that you know where i am if you want to talk. i couldnt face going to college that day. we are getting there, trust me! so i get home, have a cry and then go to the internet to find some advice. its allways been there for me in times like this. so i found an E-book and bought it, i needed advice and hadnt found this place yet. with that advice i sent her an email later that day basically saying that i would of done the same in her shoes and that ill allways admire the way she fights for what she wants. she text me saying thank you and that she was sorry. i got a few mates together that night and went to the pub for a beer, as hard as it was to drink. over the weekend me and the ex had no contact and i bought another ebook and found this site, at last! i made the best of a bad situation and took my mum out to london as a mothers day gift, it was pretty emotional me thinking that the ex should be here and not my mum, but seeing my mums happiness, i was glad i didnt waste the tickets. so the monday after the break up and its back to college. i see the ex and say hi, no conversation at all. same again on tuesday. next big day is wednesday. dont make contact with ex again at college. get home and find out that my grandpa has died. Major blow, to think things could get any worse. that evening im online and ex comes on. i dont message her, then she goes offline instantly. 2 minutes later she texts me. says she wanted to talk to me today, but she understands if i dont want to talk. i said hi and that im allways here to talk, came accross as happy. she text back saying she was crying because i was talking to her. made bit of small talk and then she says does this mean we are friends? i said frineds is fine by me. she then says " God you've started me cryin again. That means so much to me. You mean so much to me. Im happy". i didnt mention my grandpa, and saw her at college the day after. ok so thursday was our exam results day, so everyone was nervous. got mine and they were terrible, ex was there, hers were ok she gave me a hug and that was that. So this is when i dubbed the past seven days the week from hell, which it had been. That weekend ex was going abroad for college trip, basically an excuse to get drunk. she didnt speak to me on friday, so before she went i text her just to say have a good time. she replied said have a good weekend. so week 2 after break up and seen her at college few times, then walking home one night with her mention my grandpa. she says im sorry. then the day before the funeral she says you know where i am if you wanna talk about things. i said thanks that means alot to me, which it did. on the friday, exactly 2 weeks after break up she had some problems at college, she was a bit upset, so we had a talk, and i gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek. she seemed happy around me. that weekend i ask her how she is in a txt, and she says ok, but alittle reluctant to talk. then the third week, she seems bit less interested in me, not talking as much. text her a few times and talked on net mind. anyway so that saturday i ring her, and set up to go out for some lunch the following week. she agrees, so im kinda happy. on the monday i text her saying that i know shes busy, she had alot of work on, but i believe in her. her reply was a bit cold, so from then i havent text her. anyway, fast forward to the lunch meeting. im there on time, she is 5 mins late due to work. went to a local place, but then i felt like she had no interest. i was maintaing eye contact, asking questions about her and was happy. towards the end she opened up a little, but not much. at the end, bout 40 minutes, she asked if i was ok. i said im fine, and she hugged me, and i kissed her on the cheek. then i caught her eyes just after the hug. she had looked at me like this a few times since we broke. i knew these eyes, they had love and feeling in them. kinda bedroom eyes, hard to explain really lol. anyway after that i was decided on no contact, but do something soon. briefly spoke to her on the monday after, but because we are on easter holidays im not seeing her, want her to miss me. earlier that day she saw my mum in the supermarket and made an effort to go say hi. so from monday to thursday have no contact. thu i call her to set up this date. there is a free gig on near us and i know it will be ideal, because she is low on cash and loves music. its this wednesday. anyway she seemed like she didnt really wanna talk. then when i ask her to go out she says she's got too much work to do. if she really wanted to go she would of instantly said yes. i say oh go on its only for couple hours and then she says ill get back to you. its now monday/tuesday and she hasnt got back to me yet, ill let her make the move to talk to me. phew! finally got that all out of me! thanks to anyone who's read this all, probably bored to death i expect! now heres where im unsure. she says i mean so much to her, yet she cant see a couple of hours to see me. she gives me the look of love and affection, yet she is sometimes cold and not willing to make contact. i know she needs to miss me, and thats what im trying to do, but she see's her friends so much i don't thinks she has time to miss me. ive cried so many nights, but im also a changed much better person. i dont wanna say this to her, i want her to experience the change in me. god ive been working out everyday and i was renound for being lazy! ive read some good books and have been improving myself, but i fear that she is slipping away from me. im expecting her to say she cant come for our date on wednesday, it will come as no surprise. so anyway think ive got everything down here now, just need bit of advice/support/ideas anything! ive sorta got along term gameplan in my head, which can work depending on how she reacts to things etc, but still think i need some unbiased opinions! thank you all so much in advance Matt xx