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Thread: Will he come back to me? Does time apart really help?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2004

    Will he come back to me? Does time apart really help?

    Hi everyone. I posted a mesage on this board a few days ago about my break up (see post - bad, very bad break-up). In a nutshell, my boyfriend and I broke up this past wednesday because his family did not want me to go back to Taiwan with him. It wasn't that that made me sad, it was because he didn't stand up for me and everything he said earlier (that he still loves me and that he wants me to go back with him and try to work things out) seemed like a lie. When they said that, he just stood there and said "well, you're not happy with me anyway." I was so upset that I left for LA. But later that night I called him to talk to him and he told me that it won't work out between us and that I should move on. What makes me mad is that I know alot of it has to do wit his family's influence. This will sound crazy but I was so torn up inside that I flew back to SF and went to the house to talk to him. He told me that he needed time apart - 1 to 2 months to think things through and see if we can work out. His explanation was that he has been with me almost 24/7 ever since we moved in together in Sept 2003 (we both don't work). He said he felt suffocated and that every time we fought, we didn't have a chance to cool down and think things through. I asked him if this was his way of breaking up with me and he told me no. He told me that we fought so much in the past and this is the only way that we will have a chance to work things out again. He told me that it would be good for us and that we have a good chance of getting back together BUT only if we have this time apart. Although reluctant, I agreed and left back for LA.

    My question is: Does time apart really help? Is there a chance he will come back to me? What do I do during this period? I'm so scared I will lose him and that he will call me in 1-2 months and tell me it's over. Can anyone share their stories of time apart and how he helped or not helped them? Right now, I feel so lost and confused. I want him back. I really love him. Help please

  2. #2
    Member Switch187's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Well time apart will help both of you get a grip on reality, and get a grip on what it is you want out of life and a relationship. The chances of him coming back to you and not depends on many things, but it's really hard to give it a yes or no answer. The best thing for you to do is look at this moment as "this is what life is like without him" and take time to "find yourself" again. Make sure you spend some time for yourself to get all your tears and stuff out (most likely you'll need about 3 days, that's how long it took me to really stop crying and feeling like crap), but after that you need to just start going out and live life. This doesn't mean you need to find someone new, but just go out and start meeting new people (both men and women) who can be people you will want to spend your time with and make some "good memories" with.When my g/f and I spent time apart (it was only for a couple weeks on an off, but we first had said it should be a couple months before we have an answer) I felt the same way you do. I was scared of loosing her to someone else, scared that the next time she called me it would be he last, and scared that she would never want to come back. But after a few days, she would initiate contact with me and tell me how she missed me and wanted to see me. We would go out casually with some friends, and then talk for a few days before taking another few day break. The last time we went out (last week) she then told me that she no longer wants to be with away from me, since she knew that being with me is where she belongs. Ever since then we have been back together, and she has been making all kinds of effort to prove to me that she had made a mistake in breaking up, and that she really does love me and only me. I hope things go well for you, and don't dwell to much on the "what if" questions, since they will drive you mad. Just go out and live life, who knows maybe this is God's way of letting you know that your time and presense is needed somewhere else, and always remember that God will always lead you to happiness, no matter what's going on in your life.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member ForAnother's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Time apart. I have been through it (sorta). It was a month break. We got back together, and it got torn apart in 3 months... reason: you remember all the bad stuff and it just starts happening again, and you just can't deal with it all over again. Its like a repeat of the past.

    I have heard of successful ones... are you two planning on seeing other peopel during the time? or is it just breathing room? if your seeing other poeple I suggest not getting back together...

    just my .03 cents (due to inflation)


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