it's time to be smart

I have exhausted all options professional help , medication etc and yet nothing seemed to work. I have a feeling that it's only a matter of time before i resort to something in which i will end up in a whole heap of trouble eg resorting to drugs and that will get me into a lot of trouble with the authorities and my future will be forever ruined with a criminal record and i wil be physically prevented from killing myself in detention as well even though i want to do it desperately and police brutality is something that i have consider as well while in detention. I know very well that things are not gonna change and it is a sign of incompetence and stupidity when u give yourself a chance and see everything blown up in front of you eg i will be an idiot if i think positvely about the future when it is so overt that things are not gonna change. i dont think i deserve to be in this world for being so stupid either and i cant live with that coz i know very well that i am not and i think it's time to be smart and resort to the inevitable solution given all the possible scenarios. Some of you guys may perceive me as stupid for wanting to do the so called stupid and cowardly thing but it is really up to you i dont feel like disclosing some information about my background either

Personally I feel if you did not want to talk to someone about your background and problems then you would not have bothered and wasted time posting in the first place. Everyone here is having problems and need advice or we would not be here. There has got to be someone here that feels like you do and has a similar situation as you. Please explain to us what the problem is so we can try and help you. There is no need in ruining your life or committing suicide. We need you just as much as you need us.

Yeah it sure does suck when you feel that there is literally nothing else you can do. Its like the whole world is just one big closed door and nothing matters anymore. I've been there.

Just curious, what medications did you try and how long did you go to therapy?

avman

first of all i am damn isolated socially and even my closeset friend who has the same problem couldnt care less about my threats. i have no one to live for.My parents abused me physically when i was younger.trauma is one thing and that affected my interpersonal relationships to a large extent as well. when you don feel validated by your parents, you will feel as if everyone is rejecting you and i find it almost impossible to maintain any kind of interpersonal relationship. I am not staying with them i am staying in another country. I am merely 20 and i have been on at least 10 different medications and have been on CBT and other related therapies for at least 2-3 years .I hate it when people told me that my medication is not working.Medication is not a subsitute for the validation that i need as a human being as we are all social beings anyway. The most ironic thing is that i am a psychology student at university level.

I am only 20 also and I know how if feels to be depressed and feeling like no one cares. You care about yourself or you would not be here. We care about your well being or there would be no purpose for this site. You need to start a new future and move away from the past. It is time to grow into the man you were meant to be. You will find hapiness if you are just patient. The sun may not shine everyday, but it can't rain all the time. It is not easy and a lot of the things you will have to over come is the past and healing from the past. You need to work on yourself and find things that you are interested in doing (such as working out, playing sports, reading, riding a bike, swimming, etc.). Exercise is a real good thing to do when you are depressed. At least I found it helpful. Focus on staying busy and doing things that you like. One thing I focused on when I was wanting to committ suicide was my godson. I remember how he could tell when I would have a bad day, and he would wrap his arms around me and tell me that he loves me. That is just a little thing, but it made my heart melt everytime, and it gave me reason to wake up and live on. Well I hope I helped you.

Ah, ok. I see what you are saying. Well I for one am glad you came here to see us. We aren't doctors or psychologists, so the best we can do is sit and listen. I will not insult your intelligence by giving you some quick fix answer and then send you off to tell you it will be all better. What I will offer you is a friendship. Just a place to dump and someone to dump on. I think thats the best I can do for you in your situation.

Know that you aren't isolated. Because you are here with us. And we are all brothers and sisters here. We count on each other and listen. Even if we can't "fix" each other. I hope this is making sense.

lil_mamarains13 has some good points and some interesting suggestions to try.

I am curious what kinds of things you really enjoy. I mean like reading, or exercise, watching tv, or whatever. What do you like to do (even if it isn't as enjoyable as you really want it to be)? What year are you in school? It sounds like an interesting field.

You are also welcome to PM me if you'd like to speak privately.

avman

well i no longer enjoy anything even the things that i used to enjoy and i have too little energy for excersises. I think it's not in my best interest to be isolated coz i will feel worse.However, i am not a very sociable person as well so it's kinda contradictory. trust me guys i am not lying the notiont that i will end up in big time trouble is imminent and it's not worth going through that any more than what i am going through right now and i have really exhausted all options someone in my life is maybe what i need but my poor social skills just wouldnt get me anywhere

Yeah I understand. I've felt like that many times in my life too. That I was nothing without someone else in my life. But one day a good friend gave me some really great advice. He said, "well yeah but WHO are you?. How is someone going to fall for you unless you already have an identity?" And he was right. I had to become myself first before I could attract someone else.

So I started to do things. I joined a fraternity in college and that put me in more social situations then I ever would have been. I got into some hobbies just for my own enjoyment. And in turn, that attracted more friends and ultimately a girlfriend or two. I found that when I was relaxed and enjoying myself I was much more open to social situations. It DIDN"T work when I went out specifically to be social when I wasn't feeling well. Those were always disasters and I just wanted to leave.

I dont know - is this helping at all or making any sense? I mean I hear that you don't enjoy things like you used to and I get that. How about something new that you never really gave a chance at? Just something for you and you alone. Because its ok to treat yourself to a good time.

avman

Hey

I liked the title on your post ! And I think now it is time you do something about it. Someone told me alone time ago that you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family. Because if we could a large percentage of us would do just that. Those were the cards you were dealt, and that is the hand you have to play until you get a better hand. And that is not your fault, so stop beating yourself up.Professional help is great, but it does not work for everyone. And in the end they all tell you that now it is up to you. And it really is up to you now. At 20 years old, you still have the world before you. But nothing will change, until you change. And that starts with how you are processing your thoughts. The people in the world trade center on 9-11 would love to trade with you for one more miserable day. Life is one of gratitude, to be grateful for just to be above ground. And that is no matter how bad it is. It can and will get better for you, but only when your ready. Many of us here have been in your shoes, and you are just going to have to trust us. My life in no bed of roses, and I myself have just been through and are still going through a bad situation. But giving up on life, is not an option, and never will be. I'm going down fighting for my last breath. Your going to have to dig deep down into your heart and soul and find the strength, to pick yourself back up again and dust yourself off my friend. And get back in the game. When you are at the top of the mountain, and you fall off and now your at the bottom. You claw yourway back to the top again. You have plenty of time

you are young. I'll trade with you right now if I could just to be twenty again.

So start digging deep my friend

Warm Regards

Kuhl

i dont have the patience or the strengh to endure all these pain for another few months while things start to change slowly if only i put in a lot of effort. I've had enough as in i've waited long enough and i've tried like hell. what's the best way to die?is a combination of anti psychotic and anti depressants fatal enough.i know the ssri's that i have arent fatal enough by itself.Do you guys have any idea where all these relevant information can be found.thanks

Well I'm afraid we can't tell you how to do it. But we can tell you how to stop the PAIN itself. Because thats the part that sucks.

Before you do anything rash I want you to read these first:

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When I was suicidal a good friend directed me to these places and I read them over many times. They were a life preserver for me and now I'm throwing that life preserver to you.

I'm not going to just tell you wait and things will get better. But please do read the information at those two websites. They will help you understand WHY you want to kill yourself. It was stuff I didn't know about before.

You have nothing to lose, please take a few minutes and read them. Then come back.

avman

Honey, you know, that's always the thing - the harder the problem, the longer and harder road it can be to a solution.

You're not just fighting your problems, you're fighting the illusion it brings.

You ever notice how in clear air you can seem to be really close to something, like a mountain, and you drive and drive, and it NEVER SEEMS TO GET ANY CLOSER? Thing is - you really ARE getting there, but until you get close to the end, it always looks like you're making absolutely NO progress, and that's discouraging as hell.

It doesn't mean the goal isn't there. It doesn't mean it's not reachable. It does mean it can take a lot more patience and perseverence than anticipated in the first place.

Months, or even a year or two, balanced against about 50-60 years. If you reach that goal, which end balanced the scale more heavily? If you give up, you'll never know.

You haven't seen any progress with the more traditional therapies or meds. That doesn't mean there's NO answers, it just means the people you've been to might not have the right ones for YOU. They're not infallible, pros or not, and you're in the same field, you're going to have a tendency to question anything that doesn't seem to fit. That's ok, there IS no "one size fits all" solution to help everyone. There shouldn't be, you're an individual, and you have the right to decide if something is the right fit or not.

I am going to ask you to look at at least one link, for two reasons - it was put together by someone who struggles with depression, NOT a psych, and has some "self help" methods you might find of use, or at least worth a read.

What am I asking? Oh, about an hour of your time, tops. Start at the page I've given you, and go through the pages on "cognitive-emotional self help." And by all means, feel free to PM or message me if you wish, if you have the time, so do I.

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there's the link, make sure to go to the side and hit the actual other stuff, which to me, has more meat in it, and makes a bit more practical sense.

Take care of yourself, ok?

i can understand your fraustration as i may sound reluctant to change my stand on this issue. If i talk to a friend about it, the most likely reactions are (a) not interested (b) dont give a damn © keep their distance from me which they are doing now anyway (d) piss me off by calling the police so that she doesnt have to deal with me any longer I cannot afford to be hospitalised in the place that i'm staying now i am not a PR or citizen and just cant afford the hospital bills. In other words i cannot screw up my suicide attempt either as i will be thrown into hospital if i am caught. Crisis line: they only provide temporary relief and i need more meaningful relationships than that and some of them have a bloody time limit as well i've given them a try in the past and they really didnt work in my case. a life being dependent only on mental health professionals is not the solution in my experience

Suicide wont help. Simple as that. I know how you feel like nothing is worth living for, nothing else matters, even when making the effort to make friends or be social it only seems to backfire and you seem helpless. Well stop. Dont feel helpless, dont feel sorry for yourself because it only makes it worse, by isolation, and feeling miserable. Get up, force yourself to walk every day, force yourself to go to a coffee shop where you can sit and relax, try to enjoy your surroundings. Find new hobbies, write how you feel. Writing has really helped me, just allowing yourself to be creative, release the stress, release all the hate, anger, sadness, and all your other emotions out. Just writing it down on paper allows you to look at that list then you can make another list of things you can do to change those negative things. Write those negatives down and leave them here and we can try to help you find a way to change those things. We're here for you.

i have been strong before rositta as in tacking the life challenges head on.I managed to get into a reputable university while undergoing the worst shits of life and despite not studying that much as well because of the inhibitions sorry guys i am not trying to be boastful of own abilities really coz i am certainly not proud of some of things that i did in the past.I just dont want to give you guys the impression that i am sitting on my butt and not trying and not taking risks however nothing worked i know quite a number of people in similar situations that are forced to give up their studies as a result of their depression.I am damn lucky that i am not a victim of that even after repeated suicide attempts although they are not really direct.I have been in a situation in which i survived despite being really convinced that i had no chance of surviving then becuase only one in a thousand people survived things of that nature.that made me question whether i was given a speacial duty to fulfill in this world or i was borned to be tortured after all when a genuine suicide attempt fail and i'm quite sure that only one in a thousand people will survive that one.There is a limit to how much work can be done and how much someone can tolerate all those shits and i'm afraid i have reached that limit going outside is a nightmare as seeing people so happy together in cafes couldnt be more depressing i feel like shooting myself upon entering a cafe. In a nutshell, all options exhausted except the inevitable and i have made the decision to work out the details of that and only something drastic will alter my decision and it wouldnt be realistic of me to expect miracles

I dont know what to say and I'm a bit confused by what you say. By talking to us your still allowing us to help you talk it out. All I have to say is it really isnt worth suicide. Everyone has problems whether it hits them when they are young or when they are old or anywhere in-between. There is always a reason for peoples living. My doctor had a patient who tried commiting suicide and she ended up living and now she lives her life out of a wheel chair and now her life has only worsened. Suicide is not only the wrong answer but it hurts everyone around you.

What exactly did you do to get in this situation? I just get the feeling that you're leaving something out.

Is there absolutely no one that you care about and can trust?

Someone told me a long time ago that you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family. [/quote

Someone told me a long time ago that you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose.

 

i got nuthin.

Someone told me a long time ago that you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family. how true. It is such a pain when you are still connected to your family in some ways but in reality you dont want to have anything to do with them.My family wreaked havoc on my life. You can terminate all connections with friends that destroyed your life bu there is no such thing as zero connections with family memebers. you're really right rossiya. good planning is imperative for any suicide attempt because someone might end up with a permanent physical disability if the attept fails. Then the issue of euthanasia comes in some older and physically impaired people simply are not capable of or dont have the required amount of strengh to kill themselves and i wouldnt want to be in such a dileema. I dont need a lecture on the importance of family members either. I have endured enough punishment and hummilliation for trusting them in the past and doing that again is sheer stupidity. Everything in this world is punitive for me i mean. The issue here is not about the number of people that i dont trust it's about people willingness to even let me confide in them. My brain is not working at all now and i dont know what to say and i do believe that i have some really plausible reason that can justify my suicide eg potential problems with authorities if i resort to drug taking that's just one of the many problems i can forsee although i am not a criminal who steals and hurt people on purpose and a bleak future after that. why should i allow that to happen. I am forced to lead a normal life and i cannot do that without some drastic remedies. I cannot take things slowly due to my statues in the country that i am residing now.