I TRY TO HARD!!!

My girlfriend and I have a good relationship. I am a pretty jealous person and we do have fights about that but other than that we are good. However lately, I have been working really hard to control my jealousy and I know that I am doing well. I feel like it goes un- noticed and that she doesn't see all that I am doing to change for the better. I am scared right now that she just doesn't care. I know that is not the case but, I feel like I am analysing everything to death and it is driving me crazy. How do I just relax and let this relationship be wonderful??

Hi trytotrust,

Thank you for posting to eNotalone.com again. My suggestion to you is as simple as it is effective. It looks like that you are living too much in the future. You are wondering a lot like: "What if...?". This is the best sign that you are living in the future.

My suggestion is to start to live in the present and to enjoy the moment of time. How? Every time you feel yourself overanalyzing again, go to your girlfriend and make her a compliment, give her a kiss or a hug and tell her you love her. Ask her if she would reassure you. A lot of people will feel very warm and needed when someone asking them to reassure them. That's called 'adding value'.

I hope that this helps you in your needs. I wish you good luck

~ SwingFox ~

hey big guy...

Jealousy is a really tough emotion to tackle when you face situations that triggers it,...but it does happen. Im sure that she notices your change,...if it was VERY obvious...but it could be that she just wasnt accustomed to jealousy behaviours and the way ur acting "without" jealousy, just seem like normal behavour to her, as if expectant from u all along...

Sometimes we tend to be jealous 4 no reason, causing turmoil in our relationship. This jealousy factor causes so many relationships to fail, because it adds added but unwarrented chaos. Im positive she cares,...and to get a little encouragement with ur efforts,..ask her sweety. Im sure that shes probably happy and "not stressing" that you are minding the jealousy...which is SUCH a big step...

By you analyzing everything makes you enjoy life and ur relationship much less, when u should be out there and having as much fun as you can now. Take it easy and relax your mind. As a negative thought invades ur mind-space,...kick it out, by changing ur trend of thought into something positive. If you constantly look for something negative, or "bad"...sooner or later you will birth it into existence, and it can cost you a wonderful relationship as a result...

Sometimes, its best 2 keep jealousy or even "doubts" inside. Its more appropriate to casually probe our way around any given situation to find answers without accusations. Choose silence, and dont inquire on all questionable situations. It doesnt mean u dont know what time it is. This is where we win, with others thinking you are ignorant or naive to simple facts. We gain alot more knowledge when we remain silent sometimes, allowing them to enjoy the "ride" they think theyre taking us on with painting pictures of deceptions for us to see,...when all along we see otherwise. This allows truth or lies to surface,...because where some ppl are truly genuine in nature, others continually prove themselves inconsistent in the things they want us to believe...

you may not completely understand that ..but...

lastly...the best way to relax and enjoy the beauty of ur relationship, is to live for today,...not tomorrow, but today. Dont worry bout "what if´s" just as SwingFox said. if u face a situation that makes u jealous,...take a deep breath...dont talk...just listen baby. No need to ask questions, just let it all unfold nicely...more than likely, you will find out that you have a wonderful lady by ur side. She may have men turning their heads two or three times...but this is not the time to get jealous, but walk in pride that othe men find ur woman astonishingly attractive...

which is a great compliment...

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Thank you both for your advice. As I said earlier in a private message. This web-site has helped me so much on this journey. Your advice gives relief to a otherwise hectic life.

I have a few questions though:

1. How do I control all of the questions that pop into my mind when I am being silent. I sometimes feel that there is no stopping them...and I usually ask the question before I truly think about it. And, while I am being honest...I NEVER ask the question in a nice way...I always seem like I have already handed over a GUILTY verdict!!! I hate this b/c she never wants to talk b/c I am already accusing her of whatever it is I think she did...And you guys, she is so good to me! I don't understand how I can be so mean sometimes.

2. When you say "kick out" the negative thought...HOW DO YOU KEEP IT OUT?? I can get it out but it always comes back usually with more anger or fear!!!

3. Do I walk away? I have been trying to do that but I noticed when I walk away she gets scared b/c she is not used to it. How do I train my mind to do all of this stuff and not turn my back on her?

I hope I have made since. This is the hardest thing I have ever done and I want to do it right. I love her enough and I love me enough to go as far as it will take!!!!

Thank you again!!!