Help, please

My girlfriend of 9 months recently broke off our relationship because she apparently did not feel the same amount of love for me as I did for her.

I am currently a freshman in college, and I had to move away from her (2 hours driving distance). I didn't want to break it off just for that reason, because in my view, if you find a nice, sweet, and caring girl then you should definitely do all you can to keep her. For 6 months, we have talked every day, sometimes several times a day. A few times a week she would even call me during her lunch break (she's a senior in high school) or while she was at work, just to let me know how much she loved me and missed me. We have even talked about marriage in a semi-serious way. She was actually the first to mention it by telling me, "Goodbye, husband," on the phone once. So we were totally and completely in love.

One week ago, she called me up and was really quiet. I asked her what was wrong two or three times, and finally I kind of realized. I asked her if she wanted to break up with me, and she didn't answer me. I asked her again and she finally went into explaining that she (all of a sudden) realized that she didn't feel the same type of love for me as I did for her. She said she wasn't sure if I was the one for her because she's only 18. She also said that the fact that she is going to the same college I'm transferring to scared her, and defeated the purpose of going to college (meeting new people). She explained that I couldn't be sure that she was the one for me.

By the way, this is the same girl who cried and screamed at me a week before I moved away, "Don't go! Please don't go!" Anyway, she seemed to totally complete me in every way, and even though we're young, we had something that was just too special to ignore.

She said I had done nothing wrong, and basically said I was a better boyfriend than she could have ever hoped for, but that she needed some time and space. She sounded very final, however, like she would never even fathom getting back together, even when she said that it wasn't certain that we were done for good. It just wasn't very convincing.

Oh yeah, I went to talk to her about things the next day, as I was coming home that weekend anyway. She said that she loved me and she just needed some space. We talked and cried together for an hour or so. When we got done telling each other how we felt, she kissed me goodnight.

Which brings me to my question. What the hell is this about? I know women are complicated creatures, but this is just way too complex. Her stepdad just died less than a month ago, and I'm thinking that maybe she's still dealing with that, but I'm not completely sure. I'm especially unsure about what the kiss means. When I try to put it all together, it just makes zero sense to me.

If someone could possibly clarify any part of this whole predicament, I would really appreciate it. I'd like some answers, and she's sure not giving me any.

Thanks.

Especially when it starts happening too fast, or there seems to be too much of it. Perhaps she feels smothered. Perhaps she got some advice from someone else that you are unhealthy for her... she loves you but feels like she has to do the right thing.

It sounds as though you both need to really talk about how you feel, what you want out of the future and how fast you want things to go.

It hurts. I've been there. You will survive.

Hi Mantus,

Thank you for posting here and sharing your question with us. I totally understand your confusion over all this.

It might or might not be the feelings of loss over her stepdad. It might or might not be that she felt being smothered, although after 9 months, you might have a pretty idea of how each other work. I don't know.

The real question is, though: what are you gonna do and how do you feel? Sure enough, you feel confused, scared and uncomfortable, but are you prepared to wait? It is impossible to make her love you, how much you want to spray that magic into her heart and from what you told me, this young woman does really requested some space from you.

My advice is this: set a time limit for yourself that you could wait for her maximum, let's say three months. If after those three months nothing changed, it might be better to go your separate ways. The reason for suggesting this, is because I would allow her a chance. At some point everyone needs to think about their life, but you simply cannot wait forever and be in this pain and confusion forever. At some point you have to set yourself to moving on and moving forward in life, too.

I hope this was of help to you and wish you good luck the coming period.

~ SwingFox ~

Thanks for your replies, they are both rather helpful. Yes, I am prepared to wait, just because she is such a special person. But I can't live my entire life hoping she will come back to me. 3 months sounds reasonable. That's actually the number I was considering myself.

I have spoken with several of her friends, and mostly they tell me that they don't see us staying apart, and to just give her the requested space. Since we happen to be going to the same college, I think even if she doesn't want me back within those, say, 3 months, then we may possibly meet up again in college and rekindle an old flame, so to speak.

So there's nothing I can do but wait and see if some answers happen to pop up along the way. I really appreciate your replies. It's good to know that I'm not alone.

why cross the road if you can get same thing on this side