In love long distance and pushing him away-help?

My boyfriend and i have been together on and off for the past 11 years.

This time we have been together for a year but we live about 200 miles apart. we see each other sometimes every weekend and sometimes we skip a weekend.

I am so in love with him but I drive myself crazy worrying. I am insecure because of my past experiences (my childhood) and because we have broken up in the past. But there has been this inexplicable attraction between us that has just gotten stronger and stronger over the years. I think it's because we have both become more mature and stable.

We talk on the phone a couple of times a week but it's just not like being there in person. Sometimes (not all the time) I get so jealous when I meet a girl he knows and start to think that he is seeing them or has seen them in the past- even though he has told me that he absolutely would not cheat on me because he cares about me. I don't want to drive him away by asking where he was every minute of the day or asking him a million questions about each girl he knows. It's just that when we are apart...i dwell on small things...and i make myself sick with worry.

I know I have problems with trust and I don't know how to stop myself from letting myself get so carried away with my fears. I know he loves me too but I think that I am going to push him away if I don't stop my paranoid thinking. Where do i begin? K.

I am also experiancing the same exact feelings you are. And even today have come up with the logical conclusion that the feelings are a result of my childhood experiances. I live about 450 miles away from my boyfriend, and at first it was easy to be apart. But the longer we've been apart, the more I worry. Infact, even last night I was upset about him even mentioning some girl as a new aquintance! Jelousy is definitely a factor. He has also reassured me many tims that he would never cheat on me because he truly loves me.

So here is where my advice comes in. I know that I have to get over these feelings through a certain amount of self introspection. Acknowledgeing the fact that our past childhood experiances play a major factor. But also, looking at our boyfriend's own history and personalities should give us a better clue at why we feel like we do. As for me, I feel that there is absolutely no reason I should not trust him with people of the opposite sex. He has never cheated on anybody, and he hasen't shown any signs of distancing from me in my life. Another thing to remember is that if he's going to cheat, he's probably not going to spend the time and commitment to be in a long distance relationship! It would be rediculous.

On the mental side of our reactions in this situation, I'm with you on thinking I'm crazy, and making myself sick with worry! I'm worried that I'm worried too much, and obsessive! I told this to my boyfriend, and he told me not to worry about that, and he will love me no matter if I'm a crazy person or not. Unconditional love is like that.

I have to thank you for speaking up about this issue. Now I don't feel so alone. Thanks, and GOOD LUCK!!

~Artbug

Hello.....

Your message really hits my life on the T, except because of my worry, my push to believe he was doing something we are now apart!! My and i have been together

Yeah, this stuff is hard. My love is 3000 miles away I sometimes worry myself sick inside mostly because I've been in hurtful or abusive relationships in the past. After going through the "emotions" that have nothing to do with him, we talk and everything is wonderful as usual. It's like I go through a rollercoaster all by myself. So far I'm good at not letting on about any of it however I've taken up smoking and drinking.....uuuugggh!! That is sooo bad, I know. I do know that his is the right one for me - when we are together it is always just right and I love him so much. I feel he is my soulmate so I have to work on getting over my own personal "demons" so to speak. Any suggestions in ways to deal with it???