Problems with step-son

My husband and I have been married for 5 years now. His son lives with us, he is 10 yrs old. He has had him ever since he was 3 months. His son disrespects me, he does things to hurt our other son, he is 4 yrs old. The problem is that my husband does not understand the fustrations that I have, If our other son complains, he thinks he is lying. His mother lives with the boy-friend, I've asked her to take him, she doesn't want him, or not just yet. I get sick often because of the stress. My husband and I we don't do anything together, we don't go out and we have sex about 3 times monthly. I love him and i know that he loves me I just can't seem to get pass this. Please help.

On 2002-03-11 12 Anonymous wrote:

My husband and I have been married for 5 years now. His son lives with us, he is 10 yrs old. He has had him ever since he was 3 months. His son disrespects me, he does things to hurt our other son, he is 4 yrs old. The problem is that my husband does not understand the fustrations that I have, If our other son complains, he thinks he is lying. His mother lives with the boy-friend, I've asked her to take him, she doesn't want him, or not just yet. I get sick often because of the stress. My husband and I we don't do anything together, we don't go out and we have sex about 3 times monthly. I love him and i know that he loves me I just can't seem to get pass this. Please help.

My step son (13 yrs old) came to us after he became disrespectfull to his mom and started to bully her. He bunks with my 12 yr old son and at first they got along. They have opposite personalities. Now my son is getting tired of his constant nagging, complaining and his friends think the step son is moody and weird. I am trying to deal with this alone with the boys, but if this keeps up I will bring in my husband. He will at first take his son's side saying my son is weak and just has to deal with it but later I'm hoping he will listen to his son relating to others and see that he is a bully.

I don't know what it is about men and their sons but they do seem to think they're perfect and step parents are just "picking" on them. My step son came to live with us and that's when my depression started. I've not been happy since he's been here. He's a liar, he steals from us, etc. Yet if I say anything about it my husband complains that all I do is gripe about this kid. This kid is now 18 and acts like he's two. Until the age of 15 he was still asking his dad to tuck him into bed. He knew how to play him like a fiddle. I finally had to put my foot down about that and it did stop. I just finished cleaning the kitchen, he came in and when he leaves for work I can go in a clean up the mess tha the leaves for me. This is neverending. I know what you're going through and I wish I could say that it'll get better. My only option is divorce and hopefuly that will happen soon.

My stepdaughter is 17 and moved in with us a few months ago because she ran away her mom and stepdad. She's now pregnant and constantly shoving it in my face because I can't have one without meds, which we're trying. She gets whatever she wants. Her dad doesn't make her mind. I think he's finally seeing the light though. She whines if her dad won't stay up late and watch movies with her, although he has to get up and go to work. She gets jealous if he spends any time with me. All she does is complain all the time and talk bad about people. Our friends can't stand to be around her and tell us to leave her at home when we visit. She always threatens to kick my ass for no reason. She's very demanding. She doesn't help around the house but demands money and new clothes. She doesn't go to school or have a job. She thinks we're going to take care of this baby when it gets here. I hope my husband choose wisely to send her back to her mom's house. I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't sleep with a radio or tv on, and she bitches if we ask her to turn it down. I'm so frustrated and depressed. Any advice? She also does stupid things like not take her vitamins, drink milk, eat and she drinks and smokes pot. I am completely frustrated.

Frustratedwife,

I thought i had it bad but you really do. Have you been married very long? I finally told my husband that either his kid goes or I do. As soon as school is out he's got 30 days to make up his mind. If he chooses his son I hope the two live happily ever after.

I grew up with a stepdad and my mother told us from day one that we were to respect this man because he didn't have to marry her since he knew she had four kids and she explained that it takes one heck of a person to put up with other kids. We walked a thin line and we did respect this man. He was our dad in every aspect. But it seems when it comes to men they have a different outlook on things. They think their kids are perfect and we're just idiots for complaining. I'm at the point to where I'm looking for work so that I can move out. I'd rather be without my husband than be this miserable. Sex? What's that? I can't tell you the last time we've had sex. I have no desire for this man becuase I have no respect for him after the way he's let his 18 year old treat me. I know people want to make their marriage work but there just comes a time when we have to face facts. First off, I'd never let the pregnant daughter talk to me the way your step daughter does. I'd show her the road and ask if she wants to walk or I'd offer to slap her so hard she'd be in the next state within minutes. LOL. I am also being treated for depression and when someone causes this upon another person then there is a big problem.

You all sound the same as me , I to have a step-so nliving with me. He is thirteen and we had hi since he was 1. i got married five years ago and now have two children together. My step-son goes out of his way to make my life and my kids miserable. It goes from refusing to brush his teeth, talking back, hurting the kids, laughting when they get hurt... Its crazy.. I am at the point where i dont know what else to do. I cant say anthing to him because when i do i get mean looks form him and his dad because "i am picking on him". I can tell my other kids things to do , but not him. Its not right. Well hopefully talking to others like this situation we can all gain some insight and understanding of these feelings!

hey i recently got married to a great man he took in my 3 kids so in respect i figured i could be a mom to his 3 kids, so all 6 kids and me and my hubby live together( all 6 kids are boys) there is a 17 ,15,13,11,11,and 7 all in a 4 bedroom house. ITS CRAZY i dont know what i did to my self but its crazy!! his previous wife past away and for some reason his kids blaim me I did nopt get with him till she was already gone, I hat e that she had to die so young but it was not my fault and they blaim me.. I really want to love these kids but they wont let me and they are so mean to my youngest it kills me to see him cry.the 15 13 and 7 year old are mine the others are his. when my husband is around they seem to be very respectful but let him leave without me and all hell breaks loose. but not only do i have my mom, my ex mother inlaw and my new mom inlaw to deal with i have his late wifes mom to deal with too and her sister. her sister wants me to be her best friendand be like a sister to her but then she is mean to me too. me and my hubby have a great relationship and he gets along well with my 3 and they respect him. They are glad he is here to step in where their dad left off. he tells me he feels closer to my 3 then his 3, i really dont know my real grip here just that i am frustrated and confused on how to be a mom to kids i did not give birth to. the 17 year old is just about out of the house he graduated early and joined the navy he leaves in October cant wait cause him and my 15 year old fight like cats and dogs. they are like night and day. he tried to hit me one day and my son jumped on him and i had to get after my son.. just plum crazy. but anyway if you have any advice on how to get thru to these kids i am open for advice too..

I think that the best thing for you to do is to please yourself. with 6 kids in the house and a husband, you could very easily forget yourself. forgetting yourself is probably the worst thing you can do because in the end, you will just build resentment and frustration, however, if you are pleasing yourself, the journey may be difficult but you are getting something out of it. once you've mastered this, the next big task is to get your husband to join forces with you in setting the rules for the entire house. this means rules for your kids and his kids, what's fair and what's not. if you feel that his kids are being mean, don't just take it, bring it up in conversation with your husband and tell him that now that his first wife is dead, his kids will have to adjust to life with you and your kids. don't allow yourself to be the whipping girl of their lives. Their lives may have taken a toll, but your not the one to pay for their unhappiness. Everyone should be accountable for their own circumstances!