Weird thought all day

So I haven’t seen my kids in over a month. Last week my kids were in DisneyWorld in Florida and I was not. Kinda a bummer but given the way things are with me and my ex, it was probably for the best. The Make-A-Wish foundation granted my son his wish and that was to go to DisneyWorld. I would like to mention, Make-A-Wish is a real thing and it allowed not only my son but my entire family (my 3 kids + my ex’s son) the opportunity to go to DisneyWorld. We would not be able to afford such a trip if it’s wasnt for the foundation. In the beginning, I was to go. Things changed when my ex switched my ticket to her brothers name, and he ended up going instead of me. This did not anger me due to work. I was happy because her brother and his boyfriend helped out and bought gifts and souvenirs for the kids and i was overall happy that it worked out well for everyone involved :)

But today for some reason my mind is playing tricks on me. During mid day I had imagined my kids and my ex coming to see me. All day. I imagined there van being in the driveway when I got home. They are 8hrs from me . I imagined it being a surprise scenario because I haven’t seen my kids in a month due to work. I haven’t got my fill on love from them. Yea FaceTime is one thing, but wrapping my arms around them is totally another. My mind is playing tricks on me. I could not get the thought out of my head. All day I almost believed they’d be here when I got home. I imagined that nobody would have told me to surprise me. I got mad for not letting this go. I knew it wasn’t going to happen. It was just my imagination playing games with me. I, for some reason, felt so strongly about it, like it was going to happen. I imagined myself overwhelmed with joy. Getting off work, surprised my kids were there and just being on top of the world. Nope. Pulled up like it was another day. Empty house. Same ol same ol.

Oh well, I actually got mad at myself because my mind or emotional self said one thing, my logical self said another. Like the two were at war with each other. My logical side won of course.

Maybe it’s the weekend and that’s why my mind was running wild. Who knows. I don’t know when exactly, but next time I get to physically wrap my arms around my kids, I don’t think I’ll ever let go.

Just ranting. Hope everyone has a good weekend. Be strong. This to shall pass.

Red88

I am so sorry you miss your kids. :(

Thank you for your response. I’ll see them soon.

Red88

I'm so sorry....this is heartbreaking. I'm very happy your son and family got to visit DisneyWorld, I'm sure they had a wonderful time. Make A Wish is a great organization; every year at work we do a fund raiser for them and we actually get to learn about the child we benefit. It's our favorite charity.

That said, I understand why you had this thought in back of your mind that just maybe, they'd come to see you. You want to see them so badly, I think your heart just hoped more than logic....I have done that too. (hugs)

I am glad you'll get to see them soon!