Tinder “friends”....??? What should do I do?

Hey guys,

So I am needing some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. Early in my relationship he did cheat online, since then I have tried working on that and getting past it because I gave him another chance. My boyfriend and I met on tinder and we currently are not on it. He was on it before me and met various people. He still has some of those on his Facebook, one in particular who he likes a bunch of her things and what not. He talks to her on occasion and I have not seen any disrespectful stuff really. I am insecure and I have been given reason to be, but I keep my mouth shut and try to get on the best I can. I asked him once who she was. He claims she is a friend and I had once asked where he met her and he had told me on tinder. Fast forward a year, she has invited him to a birthday party of hers. She canceled the event, but will be having it next month. Eventually I asked about her again since I seen the event. Obviously, it bothered me, but I didn’t tell him, but it bothers me because he did meet her online. He told me he is not attracted to her and that he likes her posts because they are funny or cool. He said if he would have gotten with her, he would have a long time ago. I later add in, it would be cool to be invited if he hung out with her, to which he says nothing about doing that. I asked him with out any argument , if he wanted to hang with her and he says no, but if he wanted to he would let me know. He later says that he met her before me, so the fact he met her on tinder doesn’t matter. She is his friend. He later says he wouldn’t go alone if he did, but does not state anything about inviting me. To add, when we first started dating or a little after, we moved in together and I knew he did tattoos. He had told this same girl he would

Tattoo her and gave her the option to tattoo her at my apartment when there was a possibility that I wouldn’t be home. I was very upset about it and it did cause a fight. I could not understand how he could think this was ok, but since then, he has decided to tattoo others not in the house. I know this event has not happened yet, but given the circumstances of the past, would you be upset about this if he decided not to

Invite you to a party with a tinder “friend”? She is not some long life friend. I just don’t See it and then for him to claim, “she was here before me”, seriously pisses me off. I really want to be reasonable about it. What should I do? Or what would you do?

This is definitely not ok. Specially because of the cheating. I personally wouldn't be able to trust my SO in this situation. How can you build a healthy long term relationship without trust?

Agree. People don't use tinder to make friends. Nor do they invite women over to tattoo them. BTW, don't allow your place to become a tattoo parlor. Is that legal in your area?

So let me get this straight:

Shortly after you started dating, he moved in with you.

He cheated on you.

He now wants to have his previous Tinder dates, with whom he still maintains contact, at your home while you're not there.

He wants to go to parties with these girls, and he specifically doesn't want you to go.

And you're asking if this is ok? No, none of it is ok.

Is he paying towards the bills?

What LHGirl said.

I don't know why you decided to stay with someone who cheated on you. He clearly hasn't changed, and you clearly don't trust him. Start over fresh with someone new who will actually respect your boundaries.

Hey Me666 (and everyone else),

While I agree overall that there are issues here, however...

I personally have several friends who I met through Tinder with whom I have never had any sexual or romantic interest in (and vice versa). I do think I am abnormal in my approach to Tinder, as well as my circumstances; I live in a non-English speaking country, and Tinder is an English language app - so I predominantly use it when I travel to meet locals and/or to meet English language speakers in my area. I am not saying I haven't also dated women off Tinder, but honestly, I will swipe people based both on their profile and if they are interesting, as well as attraction. Overall, I think it is perfectly possible to meet someone on Tinder and have it result in a platonic friendship. I also I don't think a tattooist offering to tattoo a friend privately is necessarily a red flag. I personally have tattoos done by friends, in their private residences. That said, I would warn that their are legal issues.

All that said, I think your particular circumstances do indicate there are issues here. I think LHGirl summarised them best.

Good luck,

T

He is paying for bills. He helps me out a lot. To clarify, he never tattooed that girl in my

apartment, but he really did fight me on it in that point. He just never did it and since then has done it in other places, which I’m glad. As for the party, he never did acknowledge anything about inviting me out. The event isn’t up yet. I’m just seriously worried and for seeing a fight out of this if and when she decides to reschedule it. It just makes me think of the tattoo situation honestly.

Unfortunately, you need a better roommate to defray costs and better bf.

He is paying for bills. He helps me out a lot. I’m just seriously worried and for seeing a fight out of this if and when she decides to reschedule it.