Coping of loss of intimacy in relationship

My live in boyfriend and I have been together for four years. We have two boys together ages 3 and 1.5 who both have special needs. My bf and I used to be so in love with each other. He was my best friend. Over time things have changed and we now live two very separate lives with lots of secrets. We’ve broken up more times than I can count with the longest being two weeks. I truly do love him but I also recognize that he’s not the person I fell in love with and I can’t stop longing for the person he once was. He has told me on numerous occasions that that person is gone and never coming back. I do believe him when he says this. It just seems that since neither of us is willing to move on that I need to figure out a way to cope with the feelings of loneliness and wishing things could be different. Is it actually possible to let go of my idea of an ideal relationship and find happiness in the one I’ve got?

You guys both have to tackle each and everything on why you guys keep breaking up and do what's necessary to keep you guys together. If the other party is not willing to do the same, your gonna eventually end up leaving him either way. And this could hurt the both of you guys, or really hurt him really bad. Sit down and have his undivided attention about tell him how your feeling so he knows for sure how you feel. Don't talk to him about this through text messages or over the phone, he won't take it as seriously. Sorta the same situation me and my ex went through, so if you could answer my question? Lol my question is: "is it my fault this break up happened?" By Xavier jones

Some couples counselling could do you a world of good.

He has told me on numerous occasions that that person is gone and never coming back.

Sounds like he`s moved on. It takes 2 to make a couple and if he`s not into then you need to find whatever makes you happy. Why be with someone who is willing to break up with you. Think what is it you need from your relationship and try to talk to him on a one to one basis with no distractions and where one person only speaks after the other.

If he cant do this then you`ll know the answer.