Don't know what to do

Hello,

I've been in a committed LDR for over 2 years. We have lived together for a total of 7 months during those 2 years due to vacation and lost of work from his side. The rest of the time, we were living apart. We are recently engaged too. He is 27. I'm 22.

We are back to the LD thing since January as he found work. We had a plan for closing the distance in a near future. We both live in the same country, except in 2 different provinces. The plan was to move half way in between the two provinces, so I could stay close from my place and he could find work easily.

He got a new job 2 weeks ago and he fell completely in love with it. Literally. I'm glad for him. I mean, he is happy and that is all that matter I guess, but he told me yesterday he did not want to move closer anymore, that it was his dream job and that he loved me, but me alone could not make him fully happy if he could not do the job he wanted. I never asked him to choose between me and his career. I know he would probably choose work, because that's all he has always wanted, but I thought he would compromise too and respect his promise.

He wants to stay there and settle there and he wants me to go there. I'm torn with this idea because it wasn't the plan and the plan was to both compromise so I could continue being close from my family. My career opportunity are really limited too where he is located.

I feel like he is a bit in a honeymoon period with work right now and I can understand his motivations and reasons, because he worked hard for it. Maybe I'm selfish to feel sad about this change of plans. I'm not sure. I just don't know what to do. I told him how I felt, but I know it won't change his mind and he will never try to move...Especially since he promised it many times and he did not do it.

he mentioned how this place was his "home" and that he would feel miserable elsewhere and would not forgive me if he would quit his job and find another job that makes him not as happy.

I'm just a bit recentful. I know he loves me, but this conversation made me wonder if I was really enough for him. He says he is committed and wants to build a future with me. But I'm very close from my family and I would not want to have to choose between them and him. I'm planning to go see him for the whole summer as I can find a student job, but I'm not ready to move forever there.

I'm in a weird state of mind since we got this conversation. All we built together in the last months when we lived together seems to be forgotten from his sides. It makes me upset and I don't know how to deal with it.

I don't want to break up with him. I invested a lot in this relationship. He is a good man and he is very kind and respectful. I love him deeply. He is a workaholic though. I knew he was when we started dating, except he told me when we were living together that I meant the world to him and that he would try his best to make me happy and give me a place in his life. I feel like he forgot that.

What should I do? I'm happy for him and for the fact that he found a good job, but I feel so sad about this sudden change from plans, that I can't fully give him love right now. I'm not sure if I'm selfish and how I can deal with that.

Thank you in advance for your kind replies..

P.s. I've been reading this forum for a long time. I know the easy thing to say is "BREAK UP", but I believe in working through difficulties. I just don't know how to deal alone with this one issue.

Well honestly a man that works hard and is getting paid well that can secure a nice future for you both is worth the compromise. I'd personally give it a while to make certain he likes and keeps the job, and then decide. Many people move away from their families and begin their own lives and start their own families elsewhere. It might be hard emotionally at first, but it also might be worth it if you both love one another.

How far away would you be from home if you do move to where he is? Do you have a wedding date set?

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate it.

I'd be about 1800 miles away from home (3000 kms). The only way to go from one place to another is via many plane transfers and bus. There's no direct way because he is in a very remote place up north.

The wedding date isn't fixed yet. I had in mind in two years. He prefered in a year. I want to settle with him first before getting married. There's no point doing it now if we can't live together, but with all these changes, I think that we won't get a wedding before another 3 years (I need to finish school before moving in with him). So it's not my priority for the moment.

Ooh, that is far. I was hoping you would say it was just a couple, to a few hours drive :(

A good man is hard to find, and not worth letting go of just because you want to stay near family, but I

do understand. I will say I know people who have moved away with their husbands and they get homesick, but they are happy (Well at least I think they are lol) every relationship has issues, but they made the moves work.

I guess you could look at it in another way--what if he had a job that transferred him, and you were married?

You would go with him most likely, right? Change is always scary, and uncertain, but I think for love, it's worth it.

You have time to decide, I wouldn't break up over this. Most men pride themselves on their career achievements, and they want to feel like the provider, and he's probably feeling this is pretty secure for you both.

Ultimately, it's your life, your happiness. You'll find the answer. Just don't rush into a decision :)

Thank you for your advice and your time. I don't want to break up either. I love him very much and invest a lot in this relationship. So it's not worth throwing it in the garbage.

He obviously wants to be the provider. I'm a bit more into the idea of an independent woman but it's probably because of the way I've been raised. We come from two different background/culture. So it's not always easy. But I can understand this desire coming from him.

Thank you again for your time :)