Advice avoiding relapse

Hey everybody, Please help me with some advice: after my boyfriend got upset because i went to a club without him and didn't speak to me for a week, finally we broke up, or at least we are trying to. I'm not going to go into details, the relationship is doomed - or at least his behavior towards me, permanently verbally abusive. Still because we were very close and he was extremely affectionate I struggle with the need to write him and make things better again (yes, obviously they were never good, he has many, many issues and no matter how hard i tried nothing improved). I just need your advices now to avoid a relapse, anxiety gets so high that i start writing or calling. I hate myself for it, but I can't let him go. What can I do to convince myself, to not center on him, to distract myself, to distance myself, to do the best thing for me? I ruminate on him moving on and get into panic attacks by imagining him with another person. I've cried so much my jaw hurts. I appreciate all your advices!

Writing, calling, apologizing...none will make a difference.

Write all you need to, but do not send anything.

This needs time. You're still in the break up process.