The worst part

I think the worst part of a breakup is, knowing you're at that point where you're pretty much over the person, but you aren't dating anyone else, and you miss having SOMEONE. so you start tempting yourself with thoughts of the ex again.

And the logical part of me knows he is doing exactly what I asked him to do....go away, leave me alone, don't try the friends crap, etc. But this tiny, illogical part of my brain keeps saying "he didn't even TRY". Well, you can't tell a person to go away and then expect them to keep chasing you right? But a part of me wanted that to happen. I know him, in it's totally his nature to brood and be sad and reminisce, but apparently not over me. I know the lengths he went to when he and his ex wife split, to hang onto her, and he's not doing that for me.

I think all of this is due to the stuff coming back up on FB. It was this time last year our relationship was really picking up steam, the I love you's exchanged, all the excitement for upcoming dates, him starting to spend the night at my house, etc. So things I posted during this time last year are coming up in FB memories. So I start to wonder if he misses any of this, if it makes him think about me. Is he wanting to reach out but scared because of our last exchange.

Luckily, I snap out of these stupid thoughts and remember I still have a lot on my plate, a relationship would be a real hindrance at this point, and that we really are two different people and I wouldn't want him back due to trust issues I would have.

Those facebook memories are a nightmare arn't they

So you are jealous that he didn't chase you as much as his ex wife ... you can see how irrational you are right now !

He maybe learnt his lesson darling and this time he wants to hang onto his pride and self respect .

I hate the FB memories, I really never go to FB that much anymore because of those. I don't want to look at my own page or start scrolling as I am afraid to see those memories, I have enough in my head as it is.

But yes, I can understand what you mean. It means there is still some part of you that still holds an attachment to them if you think about reconnecting. I still feel it as well and maybe I am also close to that tipping point.

As for the not chasing, it can be a sign of respecting your wishes. And yes maybe he changed. I've dealt with this breakup a lot different compared to the previous one. Because I could remember the mistakes I've made back then and those mistakes kept me from moving on and healing as fast as I can. Therefore I changed a lot of things. For him it might be the same.

Those facebook memories are a nightmare arn't they

 

So you are jealous that he didn't chase you as much as his ex wife ... you can see how irrational you are right now !

 

He maybe learnt his lesson darling and this time he wants to hang onto his pride and self respect .

I actually think it's more along the lines of he was wanting to do to me what his wife had done to him. He liked knowing that I was still wanting reconciliation, and he liked reeling me in, then pushing me away, just like she had done to him many times. He liked throwing his dating life in my face. He'd be fine for awhile, then just turn cold out of nowhere. Like, we talked all through may, and then when my dog died, he offered to call that evening. and then he inexplicably disappeared for weeks after that (my guess, he was seeing someone else, but when that didn't work out for him, he needed that back up plan, aka me). When we did speak again, I asked what his deal was, and he went through this whole BS word vomit that basically translated to, "you want me more than I want you". So I told him I was done and refused to be used to boost his ego.

I know him, in it's totally his nature to brood and be sad and reminisce, but apparently not over me. I know the lengths he went to when he and his ex wife split, to hang onto her, and he's not doing that for me.

I'd find this easier to accept by crediting the guy for learning where that got him the last time. My takeaway instead would be that breakups can't be reliably used to initiate a fight FOR anything, because most people have already learned that they couldn't trust a relationship that has devolved to that state.

Head high, and congrats on your strength to avoid jumping down that rabbit hole.

I know exactly how you feel, as I'm going through a breakup as well. 6 weeks for me, but only 7 true days of NC.

I know you won't want to hear this, as I didn't either, but the only way to stop those Facebook memories is....delete every trace of him from Facebook. Ugh, I know. My ex posted so much, every check-in, every time we went ANYwhere. It took me hours.

What I did: I didn't want to lose the photos, so I saved each one to a flash drive, then deleted from Facebook.

Then, I deleted every check-in, and untsgged myself from anything he hadn't already deleted.

Then, I unfriended every one of his family & friends, basically anyone I had met through him.

Mind you, he did a lot of this exact same stuff first, so I needed to do it on my end.

Facebook is now a lot more boring for me, lol....but I don't have the stress of push-pull, which ex of his is putting up comments now, etc.

I initiated the breakup, but I'm sad too. It's so hard to go from talking to someone many times a day, making all sorts of plans, to dead silence. I did block mine from every avenue too: phone, email, Facebook. I just can't stand the little hop I would do every time a text came through. So now, nothing. It's so quiet in here.

Hang in there, I'm going through the exact same thing. You are not alone.