I always feel sad

I have been feeling this way for a couple months now.

I moved out of my parents house about 9 months ago and I just feel like I'm lost with no direction. I live with my bf and I do most the chores and house cleaning, it's overwhelming. I do like everything being super clean but it's gotten to the point where if my bf leaves his socks thrown in the living room, I get mad. It's a weird feeling because I can be super happy and jolly but one little thing can tick me off, and I'll be in the worst mood.

I used to not be this way. I am emotional 24/7 and I hate it. I hate how I'm so sensitive. If I feel like something is said to me in a bad way, I cry. Also, I'm constantly living in the past. My bf and I used to be good friends before we started dating and I know a lot about his past. I know things no gf would want to know. Sometimes I'll start remembering and I'll get super emotional and I'll feel disgusted towards my bf. I'll become distant and I'll try to avoid him.

I know I shouldn't do that but I can't help it. I honestly don't know what to do. I wish I wasn't this way. I constantly am looking at the negative and crying. I try to hide it. I can't remember how many times I've cried myself to sleep. I just want to be my old self again.

Have you tried working on yourself and taking better care of yourself with exercise and healthy nutrition ?

This obviously not the relationship for you. Get your own place and end the relationship. If you cannot afford to, speak with your parents about a temp move back while you sort things.

Hi Larissa Grand, I'm sorry you're feeling this way consistently and I am positive you'll get through this phase.

Moving away from our parents or anyone providing for us can be a real shock to the system. You live knowing you have this safety net and security while we're with our parents. But when we choose to go at it alone, it's ALL on us, or in this case, you and your boyfriend. Because of this, I have to ask this question. Are you making these issues you're having known to your partner? Does he know these things weigh you down heavily? That is extremely crucial. When you're in a relationship, it's important that both of you are aware of each other, it's where communication is important. It's all about supporting each other to be greater versions of each other. If one is pulling most of the weight in any way that generally leads to large amounts of stress, similar to what you are having. I'd communicate these issues to him in a calm matter, by all means make him aware that he has to play his part in keeping the environment you live in clean and livable. It's obviously important to you which is nice.

And about his past, again, being in a relationship is all about accepting each other. Remember that you were good friends then, you weren't dating. The things he did, whatever they may have been had nothing to do with you, I'm assuming they didn't. What's important is that they happened, no amount of negative thought or action is going to change that it was already done. Maybe try buying yourself a notebook of some sort, when you start having those heavy negative thoughts write them out and understanding them. What triggers those thoughts? What about them makes you sad or angry? And above any of that, have you considered therapy? Therapy could be extremely helpful when it comes to the feelings that you are having, and if it is taking a major toll on you I would definitely consider it. Truth is, it never hurts to try it. I found it to be very helpful in the past. And as vesper said, take care of yourself, it's important. Eat nice foods, exercise if you have the time and relax, that's important, you seem to be moving around the house a lot keeping it clean, take some you time. Relax, take time to breath. You'll make it through with time and effort, I believe in you.