Not sure what to do

Hello,

I have a problem that anytime I am upset or angry about something (especially when my bf lies & does not keep his word - most common source of arguments) he will not allow me to vent or be upset..I will tell him how it makes me feel etc..he will say he understands (usually repeats the behaviour days later however)..but the next moment (after saying he understands) he flips and starts yelling at me that he is miserable and that the whole relationship is miserable, storms off and leaves.

During every argument..which is usually in a case when he has not kept his word again...he does this. The issue never gets resolved because he stormed off and left me alone to deal with it (which he knows upsets me hugely) and despite why I'm upset (I will have very specific reasons), he just says the entire relationship is miserable and he's miserable. I'm not sure how to react to that because when I've asked him about it before he just says that he was being selfish and to forget it. I have had long discussions about how he feels, what he needs/wants and the behaviour continued.

I feel like my emotions are unjustified no matter what he does because he can always say that the entire relationship is miserable. I ask him what he wants me to do and he just sighs. Then continues to say everything is miserable. I don't know how I can resolve the issue and feel intimate when every time he says something so negative and vague..and his running away every time I say anything negative has left me feeling abandoned and emotionally distant.

The strange thing is...it isn't always miserable...it's just normal..when things are good, they are really good.

I don't know what to do...I've decided to move out of the apartment and live on my own for a little bit to get a break..but that doesn't resolve the issue. Problem is, I don't understand what his issue is other than I should not be negative and should not hold him accountable for what he does.

Well that doesn't sound fair to you at all! I would move out and think about breaking up with him. If he can't resolve any issue without running away he isn't a man worth having. If he thinks the relationship is so miserable then you should just say adios and leave. Find someone who can stay through the bad times. If he just wants sunshine and rainbows then he is better off alone.

Lisa

Thank you Lisa, I appreciate your prompt reply.

This has been going on for many years and has been destroying me very slowly... problem is, despite everything, I desperately want it to work...and I think he knows it too..which is maybe why he doesn't make the effort.. either way, I have decided to move out next week which is the bravest thing I've ever done..but I genuinely can't go on like this. I would love to be able to just break up like that but I can't deny that I want it to work out with him I have tried everything including couples counselling..but when he is not in a situation where he has directly done something wrong he is very positive....it's only when he falls through on something that he runs away, blames me and attacks the relationship as a whole.

Quick solution, next time he says he's miserable tell him to get out. Biggest thing, if he won't keep his word how can he be reliable? No matter how much you want it to work it's not worth going through what you are describing, there's too many other folks out there to live like that

Thank you for your response Capttrae.

Problem is, I have tried to do that (ask him to leave)...and he seems to enjoy it...he gets what he wants..to avoid the situation..and if I'm sending him away then he is a victim and he shouts more. Did you mean breakup or just tell him to go away?

I know that deep down... just thought I might have been doing something wrong, or should do something different that I have not already tried.

Thank you for your response Capttrae.

 

Problem is, I have tried to do that (ask him to leave)...and he seems to enjoy it...he gets what he wants..to avoid the situation..and if I'm sending him away then he is a victim and he shouts more. Did you mean breakup or just tell him to go away?

 

I know that deep down... just thought I might have been doing something wrong, or should do something different that I have not already tried.

Just me personally if I was in that situation and keep in mind I have a very low tolerance for bs and childish behavior I'd send him packin. My last gf before this one started crap similar to what he's doing, after about three months I got fed up, we had a big fight one night, she started threating to break up, I told her if that's what she wanted to do go ahead and be done with it. I very simply didn't have time nor patience to deal with it.

Move out. Consider yourself one of the lucky ones! No one has the right to control another person's response... if there are red flags now, trust me, it gets 100x worse!