How can I live with seeing my sick parents suffer?

My parents are both ill and sick. I do everything I can within my power mentally and physically to help my parents in their lives. Sometimes, it's to the point where I care more for others than myself. However, if all my care is not enough to take them out of their suffering, what can I do to cope with seeing them suffer?

I see them everyday at home, so it's hard to get away, but even getting out of the house sometimes doesn't keep me from thinking about them and feeling bad for them. How can I deal with these feelings? I want to see what kind of new mindset/way of thinking I can adopt in order to feel more at peace with this. Any help/life experience stories would be appreciated.

You need time off for yourself. Respite.

Please approach the social services to see if you can get respite time off for yourself. You need and deserve that.

Do you live with them? Do they have help that comes to take care of them?

My parents are both ill and sick. I see them everyday at home, so it's hard to get away, but even getting out of the house sometimes doesn't keep me

I live with them. I am in my early 20s, and still going to college. No, they don't have help that comes to take care of them like nurses or whatever. It's not so much the caring for them part that bothers me, it's the watching them suffer regardless of how much I help them part.

Surely they have medical care Bugga? And why is there no help coming in? At the very least there should be a support team once in a while.

Yes, they have medical care, but it's not something that requires medical care from a trained team; they can be done by people like me or my brother. It's illnesses that just have pain and suffering as its consequence. But I just want to know how to cope with the feeling of seeing them suffer and in pain

Bugga. surely they have prescriptions for analgesics, pain-killers, yes?

Yes, there is much more to an illness other than pain. They are feeling different physically, mentally, feeling incapable of doing things they used to be able to do, restrictions that keep them from living their past normal lives and the depression that comes with it. Just please believe me when I say I am doing everything I possibly can. I feel you do not believe it and your questions are implying that I do not know that medication and health care exists. Just for the sake of getting help from the community members on this site, I need you to believe everything I write on here; I can't write every detail about my life, but just know that I'm doing what I can, and what medicine can, yet they are suffering!

Easy on there Bugga. No one is disbelieving you. I can only go by the written word here, what you say.

Of course physical illness places restrictions on people. I think we can all understand that. And physical illness can indeed lead to depression.

You ask:

"what can I do to cope with seeing them suffer?"

In brief, you need respite, for yourself, in order to carry on helping them.

How old are they? Do they work? Do they drive? can they prepare their own food and take care of themselves? How do you care for them? Are they in wheelchairs or blind?

No, they don't have help that comes to take care of them like nurses or whatever. It's not so much the caring for them part that bothers me, it's the watching them suffer regardless of how much I help them part.

This isn't about this though. This is about changing the way I view things, mindset, changing my outlook on life so that I can learn to cope or be more at peace with knowing they they are in this position!

I guess most people are missing the point of this question.......

We aren't therapists here, Bugga. WE got your question all right.

You will need to see someone in real life to support you in adjusting your mindset and your coping strategies.

Hope you don't mind but I'm going to write this as a list of points rather than one long spiel....

1. You're doing an amazing job.

2. I'm sure your parents appreciate everything you do for them.

3. You also need to take care of you.

4. Do you think that if you had some help to look after your parents, maybe a couple of days in the week and/or a weekend day, you would feel more able to cope.

5. Caring for someone is wearing (I've done it, several times) and no matter how much you love the people in question, it gets to you and you feel guilty for feeling that way.

6. Empathy is a both a gift and a curse... especially when it's towards those we love and no matter how hard we try, we can't always do anything to alleviate every bit of suffering/pain they are going through.

7. Keep doing what you are doing. You are a brilliant daughter who is wholly selfless. BUT you need to take time for you. While your focus is on your parents you are not taking time for yourself. If the three of you feel able to, get someone to come and help, even if it's just for an hour or two. Take some time for you - refresh your body and mind. Go out for a walk, go for a coffee. Try some relaxation techniques.

Though this is a UK website, I hope you can still access it. It might give you some ideas.... wishing you well and sending you love and hugs XX

Only a trained therapist can do that in one-on-one sessions with you. Or you can stop "worrying about their pain". Being neurotic is not helping them or you.

TThis is about changing the way I view things, mindset, changing my outlook on life so that I can learn to cope or be more at peace with knowing they they are in this position!

Multiple accounts are not allowed. Thread closed.