To forgive or not to forgive with reconciliation

I just found out that my boyfriend of over 4 years had cheated on me six months ago with a Stripper at a Strip Club, he went to behind my back with a group of his High Roller friends. Sadly I would have never found out if he hadn't been having this terrible pain in his abdomen, and groin area that he told me about. I told him to go to the Dr, so they ran tests, along with putting him on antibiotics for any kind of infection that may be causing the pain. He calls me on the phone a few days later telling me he needs to talk to me. I felt a rise 0f fear inside me.... For some odd reason I felt he was going to tell me something like this. First thing he says is "Don't Freak Out" Right there I knew.... I have a serious phobia of STD's and always have, so I have had very few relationships and sexual partners for the reason of this very fear. I have been having unusual pain and bleeding along with strange discharge etc. Been to my gynecologist several times and tested which all were clean. Recently the excruciating pain has become unbearable and disabling on and off, but I just thought I was having irregular periods over the last 6 months. 6 months had gone by since without me knowing he cheated. I had no idea I was infected since all my tests were clean, which happens when the STD is no found and addressed Immediately. Little did I know that some women have little to no symptoms till it sets into PID. What he passed to me turned into Pelvic Inflammatory Disease, which can be life threatening when untreated, and causes other major issues. I have gone in and out of Crying spells with feelings of hate and anger to just not wanting to even live with all this and take myself away from this misery I am feeling. All the pain and suffering he has caused me makes me very confused and in and out of emotions. His excuse..., he was on drugs and alcohol which made him so messed up apparently..., that he claims it was an accident and all a blur. My response is Really.... some stripper just slipped and fell on your stick, and you did absolutely nothing to stop it? Then he tells me she is done and moved onto the next guy. What a joke I am having such a hard time with this and wondering if I can or will forgive him. He's begging for forgiveness, and to reconcile our relationship, and of course pleading he'll never allow anything like this again. I've lost all trust and don't know how to deal with my feelings at this moment. I am a very tough person, but this has broken me badly. I have never had anything my entire life, and I feel so dirty and just disgusting. I'm an extremely clean person with OCD all my life, and this is really doing a number on me.

 

I never in my life thought I would be here on an internet site reaching out to others, to try to gain some clarity on this situation. I am determined to overcome this and rise above this. Right now I won't even see him, and I can't really speak to him. I've text and none of the things I have to say to him are in any way nice, which is to be expected. I lose my temper and say terrible things to him, which really doesn't help anything. This isn't easy and it's going to be a long trying road. I will spend every day wondering if anything else is going to come out of left field. I can't even talk to anyone in my family and certain family members have seen me hysterically crying on and off because of this, and wonder why. I am embarrassed and feel humiliated that the man I've been with, been totally Faithful to for over 4 years cheated and gave me an STD. He did this knowing how deathly afraid I am of diseases, and I feel there is no excuse. My opinion on those who use being intoxicated is crap. Being intoxicated in my opinion only brings out what demons are already there. It's what is in your subconscious mind hidden, like a disease itself waiting to be released. I can admit that if I have been under the influence of alcohol my demon is just an unstoppable anger towards those that have hurt me the most. I am fully aware of my surroundings, and have never fallen into the arms of another or been promiscuous. I have always made it known that I am better than that, and stuck to rules I make for myself. This has kept me balance and in control in my life. I seen allot of terrible things in my life, and always said I would never venture down a dirty corrupted road. This has made me proud of myself. Now.... I feel like the bond of intimacy with him has been ripped away, and have a horrible visual of what occurred and brought me to this point. He took all my worst fears and brought them to reality. I am in no way an insecure person or jealous, nor have I ever been...., but this is making me question myself in ways that shouldn't even be in my head.

 

I am perfectly capable of deciding where things will go from here. Although I am curious on others opinions on my situation, since the opinions are completely outsider based from others that do not know me at all. I am beside myself.... with absolutely no one to talk to about any of this. Feel like I am going out of my mind.

hookers, drugs, alcohol,STD. how is he a candidate for forgiveness?

 

Right now I won't even see him, and I can't really speak to him.

that's good.

 

I feel like the bond of intimacy with him has been ripped away

it has been ripped away. there's nothing left but disgust.

 

now. his begging and wailing how he needs to be forgiven for his untreated addictions, adultery and endangering you should be the least of your concerns and the last "argument" you dwell on. if it is making you undecided about whether to keep him around then i would have a session or two with a counselor so you can focus on facts and your own benefit while swiftly dumping his burden of addiction and scewery where it belongs- on him.

sorry this happened to you. There is no way I would take him back. First I don't believe this was the first time he cheated. Guys who go to strip clubs and pay hookers for sex do not just go from being faithful to unfaithful over night. There was probably a build up to this or maybe he has been frequenting these places for awhile.

 

Second he gave you an STD and a life threatening one at that. This is the very reason I would never forgive a cheater. How dare he put your life at risk and then expect you to forgive him.. He has no right to ever be given another chance after that.

 

And even if you did try to forgive the relationship would never be the same. You would never trust him, you would be afraid to have sex with him, you would question him all the time and you would live in fear and anxiety. It would just be overall dysfunctional and its not worth it

 

And guys like this don't change.. He knew what he was doing. Being drunk is no excuse. He paid extra to go into a private room knowibg sexual contact would occur. It was planned

 

Don't listen or believe his lies