What do you do when the only one you want to talk to isn't around to confide in?

For months I've been struggling with this question with little to no actual progress in terms of solving it. More than anything, I'm posting this as a way to get my feelings out there, because I'm not really sure where else to vent to anymore.

For the last year, there was a girl in my theatre department who acted as a sort of mentor for me. She groomed me to lead out department, and she was always the one person I could confide in when I was having troubles. She was my closest friend, and my partner through everything. And I'm more grateful for that than I can ever express, because last year was a really hard year for me in a number of ways. I'm that guy who helps other people with all of their problems, but has a really difficult time opening up about his own. So having someone I could be vulnerable with was something I don't come across often.

But the last few months have been different. She's off at college now, and she's so busy that I hardly get to talk to her anymore. I realize she's starting her own life, and I can't possibly bring myself to be upset with her for being busy. But, over the past few months she's the only person I seem to be able to think about. I have a girlfriend of nearly two years, but lately things in that relationship have felt strained. I think, if I'm honest, they've felt strained since the beginning. I never feel like I can open up to her, and lately it seems like she's outright ignoring me. And with the one who I was able to talk to gone, I'm starting to realize more and more how alone I feel. I can't get the girl out of my mind, and it feels like it legitimately hurts when I try to go on without her. I find myself wishing I could talk to her, to hear her laugh, hear her say everything is going to be okay, or just to have her there to listen again, but she's across the country with barely enough time to think anymore, let alone text.

The more I think, the more I wonder if I'm in love with this girl, even despite never having intended such feelings. But she's across the country, with a boyfriend, and I hardly ever get to see her anymore. For months I've hoped the pain would lessen, but if anything it's only getting stronger. I miss her, in ways I had never realized I would feel before she left. I don't know if I love her or not. In the end, I'm not sure it matters. More than anything, I just want my friend back...

I realize there may not be an easy answer to this. I also realize the unfortunate answer may just be "you have to move on, however hard that may be". I guess, in the end, I needed a place to vent, and to hope that maybe other people had been through similar issues. If anyone has any advice of how to proceed from here, it would be much appreciated.

Sounds like away-girl showed you what compatibility looks and feels like, so now you know that staying with your GF is a waste of your time, and hers. If you'll free yourself from that relationship, you're opening the door to finding someone else who's a better fit. That can take the edge off missing your crush.

My only advice would be to break it off with your girlfriend to give yourself the freedom to find someone that is a better fit for you- its only fair to both you and your girlfriend in the long run.

However, I would say do this gently and maybe do not attempt to re-connect with the girl you're missing or someone new for a little while. As someone who has just been dumped, (and I'm sort of suspecting I have been dumped so he may be able to pursue someone else) it really, really sucks.