Falling for my TA (teacher assistant)

Hello everyone,

I'm not really too sure how to go about this. I'm not very familiar with posting on forums, since I'm just usually reading from them.

Well, I guess I should start with how I think I like my TA. Now I've been reading a lot of forums surrounding this "predicament", for which I am glad to know that I am NOT the only one in this position. I don't plan on asking him out or anything (he's 26), at least not until the semester is over and he has nothing to do with my grades or schooling whatsoever. Since this is the last math class (STATS) I have to take in my undergrad years, I know he won't ever be my TA in any future classes.

But rather, my primary concern is that he's annoyed or if not already, will get annoyed with me. He's very friendly and kind, and we talk about his personal life and such things outside the curriculum, but I fear that perhaps I am seeing him too much? I see him practically everyday, during his office hours AND outside his office hours (we still meet in his office though). Usually I stay for 2 hours or so until 7pm or 8pm. (We even met in his office during a Sunday)

Although I do honestly go because I need help with the curriculum, I never go just because I want to see him. There is just statistically significant evidence that my comprehension in statistics is very slow. (haha stats joke, I'm a dork.) But I definitely also take the opportunity to get to know him a little better each visit after we sort through all my questions and concerns about the course. There are times where I get a vibe where there could be something there, but then there are times where I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm such a nuisance, I'm bothering him.

I'm also fearful that he think I'm too young for him, (me being 20) and that he might not even see me in that light. I know he's a teacher and that he should remain professional at all times, which trust me, he is, but I mean I guess I think it would be normal for even a teacher to find a student attractive, since they're just human too. The important part is that they should just not act upon them, at least not until the class is over, in terms of being professional of course.

He's a grad student, pursuing his PhD in statistics and very interested in research. I'm also concerned that he may be too into his studies to even see ANYONE in that light. I make a joke to my friend that he probably doesn't even see me, he probably just sees like an actual number in place of my face. That's how passionate he is about statistics, well, mathematics in general actually.

So I guess, my number one concern out of the three I've just mentioned, and trust me there are a whole lot more where they came from, is if I'm becoming a bother or annoying him, by always coming to see him, practically everyday. I like him a lot so of course I'm happy to see him all the time, but I'm not the type to force my feelings onto anyone, just to keep myself happy. I could try to tone it down, but at the same time, I do need a lot of attention with regards to the course. (Wow, I sound really needy.) Ever since I've been seeing him on practically a daily basis, my grades have been sky rocketing. A's for days. So I'm torn. I don't want to have a tense relationship with him (student/teacher relationship) and I also have small hopes that maybe after the course, we can get to know each other a little bit better.

Basically, I don't know what to do. Any thoughts or comments? It'd be awesome to hear from TAs and others who are in a similar position.

Or if you're feeling benevolent, share with me some successful TA/student relationships. Haha, just kidding. Kind of.

Also, just a side note I feel super formal with the way I've been writing, but my writing voice is totally different from the way I speak. That probably was irrelevant, but oh well.

Thanks in advance for your advice!

I was TA a year ago and near the same age as him. It was at times difficult because most of the students were near my age (in their 20's) and some were even my old classmates and friends from years prior. But during the time of the course it always had to be strictly professional. And I would never risk my role with the university to have a relationship with a current student, as it was unethical.

If when the course is over, and you feel the same. You could be so bold to ask him out for coffee or something, but he likely is unaware of your crush, and it could go poorly for you. Especially if he teaches you in another class.

When this semester is over you can "see" him as a "normal" guy. I know TA who got married with one of their students(after years of relationship of course) , one them is my uncle . But as long as he is your teacher you are doing a great job keeping your emotions to yourself.

OP,

Go for it, maybe he'll give you a good grade in statistics lol!

Nah, I agree with the others. I would keep my feelings at bay until class is over. Then after, if you want, you can ask him out to coffee or something. Your age different isn't terrible. I'm 25 and pursued someone 20 for a while. Usually if the guy is older it's not so bad. We don't have "biological clocks" and things like women do.

I don't think it is inappropriate at all if you did this AFTER the semester is over. Just be very nice and kind of professional about it. Show you respect him as your teacher but you think he is an interesting person outside of that and want to get to know him better.

After the semester is over, ask him out. I used to be a TA, and I can tell you from a TA's perspective, and from an older person's perspective, getting asked out by a student after the semester is over is not a big deal. If he's interested, you'll have a date, and if he's not, he'll tell you straight up and that will be that. It doesn't have to be awkward. It's not like we'd go home afterwards and call all our friends and say "OMG OMG YOU WONT BELIEVE WHO ASKED ME OUT TODAY! YES! OMG, BRO! SHUT UP!" It's more like, "Well, that was flattering... okay, now back to my research paper, which I will never get done in time."

One thing that becomes a bit more clear as you get older is that asking someone out on a date just doesn't need to be as complicated as our younger minds want to make it out to be.

Valuable lesson to be learned here.

Whenever you spend a lot of time with , feelings will develop and grow. Even if you might not like the person to begin with.

Read: be careful who you surround yourself with!!!