"Not ready for a relationship."?

Me and this girl have been seeing eachother for a little over 2 months now. We met and exchanged a few texts and began "hanging out" for about 2 weeks, before we started "hooking up". Initially, for me, it was nothing more than a hook up which I feel terrible for but a few weeks have gone by and I've totally fallen for her. We went out one night for dinner and had a great time. Later on the night I ask her "Where are we going with this relationship?" "Are you interested in something more?". Of course she replies "I'm just not ready for a relationship", I got a little upset, we got into a little argument and she didn't talk to me for about a week.. Until she texts me on a Friday night "Thinking about you...". So we meet up the next night at a get together and talk things out over a few drinks. I ask her straight up to just tell me if she is not that into me and then she tells me that she's afraid because she doesn't think I feel the same way she does, that she's never felt this way before and that she is "scared" of a relationship, I said some comforting words and we had a pretty pasionate kiss.Truth is I have issues too and been in similar situations but this does seem different. I have so many scenarious running through my head. Is she actually telling the trutch and truly "scared" of a relationship? Or is she full of crap and "scared" to tell me that she's just not that into me because it would hurt my feelings? Does she want to keep her options open but keep me around as a fall back guy?

Thanks!

Been there a bunch of times and it sucks. You either accept that shes "afraid" of a relationship and continue to just see each other and have fun.. then youll have to accept it may not be anything more. Youll wait around and hope that she'll change her mind, but sometimes the harsh reality is that her saying that means she doesn't want a relationship with YOU. It is still very soon though at a couple of months. Id say give her time and don't bring up a relationship again for another couple of months if youre able to do that.

If not, this one might not be for you and youll want to find someone that wants what you want. At the same time, its still really early in the relationship, so maybe let things move along organically instead of worrying about a label.

Again, I don't want to damn the relationship. May have had the DTR talk soon, but you brought it up when you knew you were catching feelings, which I commend you for. At this moment though, she gave you the wrong answer. Think about what youll have to do as long as you need to. Take your time with that decision. Until then, if you continue to see her, don't show the insecurity about the relationship and just be the guy shes liked going out with until the talk. Assume she wont want a relationship though, otherwise you might set yourself up for being hurt later down the line.

Sean,

Women are very sensitive people, they can be experts at dealing with relationships.

A hot and heavy man is often termed a "blow torch" and often gets additional concern, but

really in a good way.

So is this lady worth a little time and NOT overreacting?

Most likely so...

Oh god... I've been through this, I've had a boy tell me he isn't ready for a relationship, we met 2 years ago, he used to kiss me. Then as time went on he started going distant and he told me didn't feel the same anymore, I am still here trapped in love with him and it's landed me in sooo much trouble and stress! Don't make the same mistake as me: don't linger in the past because it certainly won't make life any easier for you. It is life, it tests you to see how strong and capable you are. Hope this helps. Good luck Hun.

I guess my biggest fear is that the rolls have totally been reversed. At the beginning of our relationship it seemed that she was ready to jump into a relationship, whereas, I was not. There were a couple of nights (alcohol involved lol) Where she accused me of she keeping her around for sex and telling me that I didn't think she was special. At the time I liked her but wasn't at the stage where I wanted her to be my girlfriend, so it backed me off a bit but after a few weeks, things obviouisly have changed. In my eyes, if we became official, nothing would really change. We hangout, go out, kiss, talk and hold hands, what would change if we become official besides a commitment that it's an exclusive relationship? Obviously, I let my insecurties show because that's what scares me is that she doesn't want to commit because there is another guy or she could find someone "better" out there. Just seems more distant the past couple weeks despite what I thought was a "break through" conversation Saturday. Maybe i'm just over thinking.

That night I asked her straight up, just tell me if you are not into me anymore so I can move on.. and then she replies saying that she's "never felt this away about someone" and that she's "scared". Why wouldn't she spare me the pain instead of going the oposite route? Are girls just that messed up? haha.

How does anyone know if she is THAT into you? She probably doesn't even know. When I am not ready for a relationship, what it means is I am not able to make a sound judgment in terms of choosing a bf. I am healing from something, or pursuing something, and I am directing my energy to my own concerns. If I hang out with someone, I can't promise that I will be responsible with his feelings. He needs to keep a certain space and independence.

This often ends up with him thinking he is in love with me. People say its because We want what we can't have, but I don't think that's it. I think it is because when I am not ready for a relationship, I date down. For him, I am the best thing since sliced bread, but I would never choose him for LTR.

What her deal is, none of us can say. That's the point; she doesn't feel equipped right now to promise any thing from one day to another. Keep a certain distance so that you are not vulnerable emotionally.

I read this again and its almost scary how close this sounds to like my ex to me. She expressed worry around the same time that I was "like other guys" and "was only in it for sex". That wasn't the case though, and in about another month or so im sure it was obvious I was starting to really fall for her, then I finally did.. then expressed it around 3.5 months. She grew more and more distant as time went on and she broke up with me not long after. Questioned my intentions then when they were obviously good intentions of having a more serious relationship, she ran away. She said she thought she was ready for a relationship but found out she isn't ready at all, blah blah blah. Just tread lightly my friend. Maybe continue seeing her but guard yourself if things go south. Don't push too much seriousness at her for awhile, id bet shed be scared away.

That night I asked her straight up, just tell me if you are not into me anymore so I can move on.. and then she replies saying that she's "never felt this away about someone" and that she's "scared". Why wouldn't she spare me the pain instead of going the oposite route? Are girls just that messed up? haha.

She is scared of herself. She knows her ability to sabotage. She needs to go.slow, learn to trust herself in relationship with you. Go at her pace. Cool your jets. If you find yourself continuing to want reassurance, it is a sign you are too exposed. Back off whenever that happens until you are comfortable

Why cant you just get to know her a little better ? I say 2 months is maybe to soon to make any relationship official. Go out on dates get to really know her and take it from there.

Thanks guys.. I truly appreciate the advice

she replies "I'm just not ready for a relationship",

 

Or is she full of crap and "scared" to tell me that she's just not that into me because it would hurt my feelings? Does she want to keep her options open but keep me around as a fall back guy?

My vote goes for the above.

Is it bad if this is still going on?

We get together for weeks at a time and when we get close she runs away, it's happend probably 4 or 5 times at least and she'll text me back a couple of weeks later and tell me how much she misses me and that she's sorry (bad I know). Most recently we were together (saw eachother) every day for about month. It got to a point where she told me that she loved me, I could tell that she was sincere but then days later she becomes distant again and I can tell what's going to happen.