[M20] My girlfriend [F20] needs "time and space" away from me

Sorry for the wall of text below. So my girlfriend and I have known each other for a little over a year now and have been together romantically for almost the whole time. We've had a few rough times as any relationship has, but overall it's been each of our best relationship thus far and we've always loved each other and thought we would get married one day. I've had issues with trusting her in the past (I was lied to by her and found out she was texting her Abusive Ex for months last semester, then more recently I found out she was becoming addicted to adderal again and had been lying to me about that too) but after spending last weekend apart (first time apart in a while) I realized that I was wrong and that I do actually trust her more than I thought and I'm changing to rebuild the trust and to. Monday we were texting and I was asking about what she was doing (out of curiosity and that I care about what's going on in her life) and she took it as me questioning her and trying to catch her doing something wrong even though I wasn't.

Well Monday after that she decided that she wanted a break to figure herself out and figure out what she wants while having some time and space away from me, then Yesterday we talked and she decided that we should break up because she doesn't know if this is what she wants or not. She said she felt forced and that she doesn't feel the same about me as she used to. I don't know if this is just the honeymoon stage wearing off or not. She has still been texting me and apparently only told her family and friends that we are on a break and not broken up. She still tells me she loves me and that she needs time and space to take a step back from everyone and everything to work out her life and figure things out.

She said this earlier today "Straight up: I love you with my whole heart. There is a huge huge chance we will be together again and work things out. I am currently just working on fixing myself" Then when I said that I can help her with that she said "Yes I know I can. But you see, my entire life, I've never faced a single thing on my own. I have never handled anything. I've never had to be on my own and take care of things and that's what I have to do".

I love her more than anything and I want a life with her but im not sure what to do right now. I want to work things out with her. We are meeting tomorrow night to talk and I said that we shouldn't have any contact before then with this text "Then no more contact until then. During this day and a half more of no contact I need you to think. I need you to really think about if you want a life without me. If you think time apart is truly what you need, know that during that time there will be absolutely no more contact between us until the time is over. None. Unless there is an emergency. I need you to think about a fair time frame that you believe you can have things figured out in and tell it to me. And if you still don't know at the end of that time frame then I guess it'll be over. And also think about the fact that I can't just be led along on hopes and wishes if there won't ever be anything more than that. Think about all of that and really find the answer to each of those. I will see you tomorrow night I guess and you can tell me what you've decided at that time. Remember, no contact until tomorrow night. If you text me I won't reply until tomorrow night. Until then, goodbye" Also, she has pretty severe depression and anxiety which we have been working on since the beginning of last semester. She sees a therapist about every week (free through school) and a few weeks ago changed from Prozac to Effexor because she was allergic to the Effexor. Her mom is also battling breast cancer and her family in general causes a lot of anxiety and stress for her through them guilting her. She also recently lost a past best friend after deciding that she was toxic and mean to her. And on top of that she is dealing with a lot of regret from having an abortion in The summer of 2013.

What should I do in this situation? I've read as much as I could find online and her friends tell me to wait it out and they think we will get back together. I love her and want to be with her I know I have probably done some things wrong with this too, tell me that and what I should be doing. TL;DR girlfriend of a year says she doesn't know if she truly wants to be with me forever and is a little scared, took a break then a kind of break up but she still says she loves me. Need advice

When a girl says she wants "time and space", the best thing you can do is give it to her. Every fibre of you will want to try to win her back in some way, but reality of it is that will only push her away further. I wish I had listened to that advice when my ex told me the same thing. Let's just say that I'm pretty sure my actions after she had said those words probably solidified us being apart.

She needs to make a decision for herself, and you cannot be the one to make it for her. If she says she wants to stay with you, great, but it sounds like you two have a lot of work to do. If she says she doesn't, then tell her you respect/support her decision, and leave it at that. As in, get out of her sight as quick as you can. Don't discuss anything, don't accept to be her friend... Nothing. Tell her you'll need some time to recover from it, and so will she. You'll contact her when you're ready. Once you leave, promptly begin the long process of moving on. My guess is she'll reach out at some point, but that's a different can of worms not worth opening at this point.

Denguin is right. When she needs the space you should give it to her. There should not be an ultimatum on this either. Talking by a certain time or date doesn't really lead to anything. Let her be for now. If you try to persuade her or ask for more closeness than she can give you right now, she will start to push you away. I know our human instinct wants to get this resolved fast, but this one needs time and space. She was being honest enough to tell you what she needs. Now it Is on you to listen and make the best out of it.

Thank you. That sounds like a good plan. I will try that and I will give her the space. I posted on reddit also and they were not so helpful. It was mostly "breaks never work" "leave her now" and "there's another guy or she's looking for other guys". This was much more helpful. I won't out an ultimatum on it and I will give her what she needs. I'll hope for the best but I also realize that I may not ever get her back and I'll have to accept that.

Truth be told, when it gets to the stage of "taking a break", it rarely does work after. It could very well be that there are others that have entered her life, but I see no point in playing the "what if" game. All that matters is you two right now. I'm sure whatever is going on in her head will come out tomorrow. That said, every circumstance is different, and it would be naïve at best to say they NEVER work. She could very well just need some time to herself, and the best thing you can do is give that to her.

Thank you. I just sent Her a message basically saying that I am not giving her an ultimatum and that I am going to give her the time and space that she needs. I told her that I won't text her to start a conversation but I am here if she needs me or needs to talk. I also said for her to be sure to tell me once she figures out what she wants and that if this is about looking for other people then to tell me that also. I told her that it's a decision she needs to make for herself and that I won't get in the way of that anymore. I said that in not giving up on us and that I love her, but I won't push her away anymore by trying to win her back.

Was that an ok thing to say? I told her to just talk to me when she is ready and wants to.

Sounds fine....now stick to it.

It sounds like she has so much to work out. It might be a really really longtime before she is in the state of mind to commit. Not to be negative- but don't hold your breath.

Ok so last night she broke down and came over and apologized and said she wanted me and told me that she had texted her ex Monday. And I told her that she has to choose between having no contact with him or losing me. Today she said that she made a mistake last night and that she doesn't really know what she wants still. Also last weekend when we had a weekend apart her and a girlfriend of hers hungout with her Ex at his house. She said that she never cheated on me and I do believe that, but I'm lost on what to do now. She says that she wants to go back to an actual no contact break and that she doesn't want to up and hurt me anymore. What should I do? What should I say to her when we talk soon?

She came over last night --- and rescinded everything she said today. Confused much?

You should stop talking to her. This isn't a break --- it is a break up. NC forever. Unless you are enjoying getting jerked around.

she isnt taking a break...she is playing the field.....

she is going to hurt you...I would of been gone already

from the point of her texting her abusive ex bf and lying...