Mother in law VS Sister in law

Hello everyone, I need some advices on what to do.

Long story short: I'm dating and living with a guy who has 2 brothers. 1 of them is married with 2 children, the other is single. And they have a mother.

We have an apartment, everyone else is living together in the same house.

It's a decision they made years ago to buy a house all together to save money. The arrangement that they have is: husband, wife and the two children are living on the first floor, the mother and brother are living in the basement. They share 1 kitchen and 1 bathroom on the first floor.

We go visit once a week for dinner and sometimes to enjoy their hot tub or pool in the summer. We also love the kids. They love me, and my husband plays games with his brother, which I sometimes participate in.

I get along with both my mother in law and sister in law. The problem I have however is when I meet my mother in law alone, she talks in the back of my sister in law, and vice versa. We rarely meet them separately. It only happened 2-3 times that we met them separately and that's when the bad words happened.

Yesterday we went to visit my mother in law. She invited us to the restaurant. My sister in law and brother in law were out of town for a couple of days with the kids.

She talked badly of my sister in law. Told me she's unstable because she changes her living room often. Told me she's mean to the children. Told me their 9 y/o son wanna kill himself because of the mother.

I didn't know how to react, as I think my SIL is a good mother. Sure everyone can have bad days.

Plus, SIL told me it's not easy to living with a MIL always around.

When I talked to SIL alone, she told me MIL is always interfering and taking her son's side. Told me she wishes she could be alone with the kids without having MIL there to bound with them.

As my MIL kept talking about SIL, I agreed with her because I didn't wanna sound like I was taking a side more then another or agreeing with my SIL more. I don't wanna take a side, I hate when they talk about one another to me. I'm not there to see what happens in their home, so who am I to judge.

I'm thinking about talking to SIL to tell her what MIL said and explain to her I agreed with her just because I didn't know how to react.

Good idea or not?

I need advices please.

Thank you.

Do not tell your SIL what your MIL said. That is asking for trouble.

If I were you, I would not necessarily agree with either of them when they complain about each other. You can listen to them vent for a short time, then steer the conversation to something else. They'll get the hint eventually.

Don't get involved. You live separately it is none of your business and this can soon turn into a big family feud. If they have issues in their household, let them sort it out. Just be neutral, listen to what the mother-in-law says, nod and say okay, listen to the sister in-law, nod and say okay, move along and continue living your life.

You can maybe suggest they speak to one another or discuss their issues but do not get involved, believe me it's the best thing you can do for yourself. Often mother in-laws and daughter in-laws have issues, one doesn't like the other and vice versa, just let them sort it out, they live together, they can deal with their problems amongst themselves. If you start getting involved you're bound to end p being the black sheep, don't let that happen.

These things always come out especially within a family and always become bigger than they really should be. I agree with the other two, don't participate in the conversation and just stay quiet. If they ask for advice, then tell them they need to speak to one another and be open about it. It will be alot harder for you in the long run if the SIL / MIL find out that you've been talking to one another and may ruin your relationship with them. Something for you to think about..

I agree with everyone else. A similiar situation happened with myself, my hubby, his brother and his wife Kim and our MIL. Kim and I went back and forth over what she was saying until one day it all blew up and I wouldn't see or speak to any of them! I was widowed a few years later and never saw any of them again after the funeral.