He seems different after Army Basic Training... it's a bit saddening.

I met a guy at work back in October, and we quickly became good friends. We had good conversation, good times hanging out, etc. In all honesty, even in such a short amount of time knowing him, I already considered him one of my best friends - simply for the fact that he was such a nice, trustworthy, honest, caring, reliable, decent human being. I felt I could talk to him about anything.

Mid-January: he leaves for Army Basic Training. The few days prior to him leaving were pretty sweet. He told me how much he would miss me, wrote me a long note saying his goodbyes, etc.

Fast forward to two months later - this past Tuesday (two days ago) - he finally gets his cell phone back. He texts me around 9pm telling me that he finally got his phone back, and he was due to graduate on Thursday (today). I congratulated him and asked how training went. But that's about the extent of the conversation. I didn't even get an "I've missed you" or anything like that. It just... wasn't the same friend texting me as it was before he left.

I know you're thinking I must be crazy - how on earth can I tell if he's different simply by a couple of little texts? I don't know... I've always had pretty good intuition and gut instincts when it came to personal relationships (whether romantic, platonic, family, etc)... and I can just feel it in me. He's not the same guy. He's more distant. And when he comes back from AIT, I feel we're not going to be the same friends we were before he left.

I mean honestly, I miss him already - his physical presence, but more so the emotional connection we had.

Does Basic Training have a tendency to do this to people - change them? At this point, I don't know what to do. I'm thinking I should just let it be - if our friendship is meant to be, and he wants it to be, then it will happen. But I don't know that there's much I can do when he's so far away for another 3-4 months....

Having gone through Basic Training myself and having a husband who has been in the military over 20 years I can tell you Basic Training is very overwhelming to your mind and your body. You have to have time to decompress a little. You have been cut off from everything and everyone you know. Give him time, let him calm down. I would not say someone has changed from a few texts, he has barely wrapped his mind around what he has finished let alone where he is going or who wants his attention and assume that is everyone from his family on down. Relax, I am sure he is the same person. I know I was and am.

Even though you touched on it, there is really no overstating the potential for miscommunication when texting.

Even though you touched on it, there is really no overstating the potential for miscommunication when texting.

This is true,texting and such has led to more miscommunication in relationships than sometimes it is ever worth.

90% of communication is non verbal.

Basic Training changes a lot of people. My ex didn't change much after basic...he was just a bit more in control and well got a looooot of confidence. A year later he dumped me after 5 1/2 years together. I think the Army changed him and his perception honestly. We all grow in different directions, I guess it wasn't meant to be

I agree with Victoria66 - Basic Training is a serious process designed to totally remold a person. When my brother went through it he came out a very different person. At least for awhile. When I went to see him at his graduation he would not crack a smile, show emotion, or let his guard down at all. That took awhile for his true personality to come back.

I think after just being drilled, drilled, drilled for all those weeks takes its toll on a person. They also don't get enough sleep, are put through some very stressful situations, and have a lot of physical conditioning done to their body in a very short time.

Be patient with him and give him time to integrate what he went through in basic training with his personality and his loved ones. Keep being the same person you are and keep talking to him. You may find that connection and closeness will return though of course there are no guarantees. But do give him time to adjust.

He might be overwhelmed, might be a bad texter, or he could be in a situation where his texts or his convos are not private. Even if they are not monitored, all it takes is horseplay of some other guy to wrestle your phone away and tease you about lovey dovey messages. I would let him decompress and get back home if he is coming home or get into a routine if he is not. Also, its different being physically around someone then that person being far away or not a possibility.

btw, remember you are good friends, not his girlfriend.