Why do guys act like they aren't interested when they are?

???? Have you ever understood this concept ladies?

Cause I sure as hell don't.

Men, care to explain? And what should a woman do if you are this way?

Sometimes because they are shy

Sometimes they think that by acting like a 'bad guy' women will be more likely to pursue them.

Sometimes it works.

What you should do? - depends on your level of interest. If you want them - ask them out. Be prepared to deal with other bad guy behaviours

I do this too sometimes, and I'm a woman. Reasons: shyness, embarrassment, fear of rejection/not wanting to make a fool of yourself because you think the other person is not interested, anxiety about dating or relationships.

As to how to handle it - are you in the situation where you know for sure a guy "likes" you, even though he's not showing it?

They are afraid of rejection. If they really like you and are acting like they don’t it’s because they don’t think you like them or could like them and they are trying to protect their ego. If I am honest this is why I do it. I do it because I do not want to get hurt or rejected or because I've been hurt recently enough that I'm not willing to open up and take a risk on someone new yet. So I act uninterested because I don’t believe she is interested.

As far as what to do that depends on what you want and how bad you want it. If you really like the guy and think he’s worth it then put yourself out there a bit and let him know you find him attractive and are available to him. That should help him to get over the fear of rejection and be more willing to open up and show his feelings and take a risk on you.

Sometimes because they are shy

 

Sometimes they think that by acting like a 'bad guy' women will be more likely to pursue them.

 

Sometimes it works.

 

What you should do? - depends on your level of interest. If you want them - ask them out. Be prepared to deal with other bad guy behaviours

A guy's behavior? What do you mean

Does he act a certain, way.. I mean besides staring?

Well, if he is a typical 'bad guy' once they have piqued an interest and start goiing out with the girl - they usually don't treat her very well.

I do this too sometimes, and I'm a woman. Reasons: shyness, embarrassment, fear of rejection/not wanting to make a fool of yourself because you think the other person is not interested, anxiety about dating or relationships.

 

As to how to handle it - are you in the situation where you know for sure a guy "likes" you, even though he's not showing it?

How do they show it?

Im getting so many mixed opinions....

i get 'no if a guy likes you he'll talk to you no such thing as shy' from one of my guy friends, and then i get 'hes staring at you, why does he keep looking? he likes you!' but then he doesn't stare or look at me, like he acts detached so i think maybe my guy friend was right? Ugh I dont know i dont really understand quiet people that much they reaaaally confuse me, besides i dont always have the time or patience to play their way. I'd rather have a guy just come out with it.

It's sometimes called "Playing hard to get", which is basically a way to say "I am not needy and I am high value".

Both men and women do it.

I understand, I would act that way too.. so you do act this way? Haha

I always thought it was something like "Most guys are too afraid to approach pretty girls" that is what a lot of people tell me.

I have a question, what if you do tell them you find them attractive, and... they don't do anything about it. But they keep staring at you, and trying to be around you but they don't speak much.

It's sometimes called "Playing hard to get", which is basically a way to say "I am not needy and I am high value".

 

Both men and women do it.

Well I think I do that subconsciously. Mostly because I am often doing other things so guys think of it as 'playing hard to get' I dont know I guess I do it sometimes. But I don't want to be single it gets boring.

I understand, I would act that way too.. so you do act this way? Haha

I always thought it was something like "Most guys are too afraid to approach pretty girls" that is what a lot of people tell me.

 

I have a question, what if you do tell them you find them attractive, and... they don't do anything about it. But they keep staring at you, and trying to be around you but they don't speak much.

Then I would assume there is no real interest and drop it right there. I’ve occasionally tried to open up to girls that I liked who seemed to spend a lot of time trying to get me to like them and feel comfortable with them. Yet when I finally put myself out there and actually say something that reveals how I feel or try to ask how they feel about me they ignore it, don’t respond to it, tell me I got the wrong idea and the wrong impression, or turn cold and mean towards me or start acting really uncomfortable as if the idea of me liking them is horrible or something. Needless to say these reactions do not bode well for any type of romantic future and they not only hurt and destroy whatever little bit of self confidence I started to have but they cause me to stop opening up and pull away from her.

IF she did like me she just killed her opportunity with me. If she didn’t then I guess it doesn’t matter to her but I end up feeling toyed with and stupid and the last thing I want to do after that is talk to her or have anything at all to do with her. I’d imagine you’ll have similar feelings if you feel this guy likes you and he ends up making it clear he does not either by ignoring you or by telling you he does not.

I wish it wasn't so hard to tell the difference between the above, being uninterested but enjoying the attention and just being uninterested and oblivious to the confusion being caused.

I've been really into a guy for nearly a year, soon after my ex and I broke up, and I've finally reached the point where I no longer want to be around him let alone have anything happen with him.

My head is completely wrecked from trying to decipher what is going on with him, trying to find openings in the conversation to casually suggest stuff and attempting to let him know I like him without coming accross as a bunny boiler. I've decided for my own sanity and dignity to just avoid him from now on.

If you told me that I never had to see him again I'd quite frankly be delighted as I have never felt so unattractive in my life because of the way he seems to be behaving.

I know it's irrational but I've been left with the feeling that he's ashamed of being attracted to me. I'd like to say I'm beginning to loath him because of the hurt this situation has caused me but in reality I just want to be as far away from him as is humanly possible.

It's weird but I think that the most hurtful part for me is that I was always told not to let a guy know that you really like him because the "average" guy will think "Hmm... she'll be up for it" and use you for sex; he apparently isn't even bothered enough to do that.

Now I understand why guys like that don't open up. Makes total sense. I kind of feel bad now, because I was in that situation with this guy. But when he asked me out, actually no, way before he asked me out I just picked up on signs of him liking me and i was straight-forward and direct i told him that I wasn;t interested in him like that. And.. well he ignored every word and continued to pursue me. He does till this day

I don't really understand the second top part. Do you mean if she liked you but she acted cold towards you, she killed any chances with you?

It could be he's playing games like others have mentioned (playing hard to get ect.).

There's also the other possibility that he's shy. I can't speak for others but as a shy person I'm very careful who I let "in" emotionally. If I like a girl, I will trust her even less then anyone I know. It's not because I hate her. The problem is I don't know what type of person she is and she could hurt me more then anyone else if I "open up." In this way, I slowly get to know her in order to see if I can trust her "in that way." If she moves faster & outwardly asks me if I like her....I'll deny it because I don't know her or trust her.

-Jake

The two examples mentioned here are accurate:

- Playing hard to get, so she doesn't think that he's needy

- Trying to avoid rejection, or been hurt in the past.

It's also possible for both of them to come into play at the same time.

It could be he's playing games like others have mentioned (playing hard to get ect.).

 

There's also the other possibility that he's shy. I can't speak for others but as a shy person I'm very careful who I let "in" emotionally. If I like a girl, I will trust her even less then anyone I know. It's not because I hate her. The problem is I don't know what type of person she is and she could hurt me more then anyone else if I "open up." In this way, I slowly get to know her in order to see if I can trust her "in that way." If she moves faster & outwardly asks me if I like her....I'll deny it because I don't know her or trust her.

 

 

-Jake

This is interesting. I am not trying to analyze this guy anymore, I've already said this...but I met this guy and started texting him (actually he started texting me) and I told him I liked him like that kind of really early (like a month after texting). He later told me he didn't like me like that. Do you think possibly he is thinking like you and is denying it? We are still really good friends and he talks to me almost every night and I will be seeing him again all this coming semester.

-Really aren't interested

-Don't want to seem to eager

-Shy

-Scared

-Self-conscious

-Thinks you're too good for them

-Distrustful/Jaded

There are many reasons it could be. There's no way of knowing for sure, unless they get brave and tell you.

This is interesting. I am not trying to analyze this guy anymore, I've already said this...but I met this guy and started texting him (actually he started texting me) and I told him I liked him like that kind of really early (like a month after texting). He later told me he didn't like me like that. Do you think possibly he is thinking like you and is denying it? We are still really good friends and he talks to me almost every night and I will be seeing him again all this coming semester.

I remember your thread, I was going to respond but I saw you had come to a conclusion.

There is a possibility DreamerGirl but I wouldn't bet on it. Sometimes a "sorry not interested" is truly what it means. However, there is the exception.

This coming semester get to know him more as a friend. Basically, get to know each other more in person. The trust you two will develop will make him open up eventually because you're a friend. Once that's been established you'll truly find out where he stands.

-Jake

It could be he's playing games like others have mentioned (playing hard to get ect.).

 

There's also the other possibility that he's shy. I can't speak for others but as a shy person I'm very careful who I let "in" emotionally. If I like a girl, I will trust her even less then anyone I know. It's not because I hate her. The problem is I don't know what type of person she is and she could hurt me more then anyone else if I "open up." In this way, I slowly get to know her in order to see if I can trust her "in that way." If she moves faster & outwardly asks me if I like her....I'll deny it because I don't know her or trust her.

 

 

-Jake

I would be absolutely heartbroken if I asked a guy if he liked me when I liked him and he flatout said no, when I thought he did.

But then again. I take time before I date someone, I prefer friendship first.

I would be absolutely heartbroken if I asked a guy if he liked me when I liked him and he flatout said no, when I thought he did.

But then again. I take time before I date someone, I prefer friendship first.

Welcome to our world, kiddo!

But as far as why guys do what they do, at least why I'm doing this currently, and have been now for 2 years and counting with this woman that I find myself deeply attracted to:

She has a man.

We're both very shy around each other...but I'm not shy with anyone else, she's naturally very shy and quiet.

I find myself thinking that her glances and stares can't POSSIBLY be directed towards me...yet they are...and I can't believe it.

So having said that, she has this "spell" when I look into her eyes that turns my brain to absolute mush, paralyzing me into a shy stupor. Add to it my own shyness towards her and the doubt that I have in myself (loss of confidence), and it causes me to ignore her, even though I don't want to.

Then I end up PO'd at myself for not taking the chances and/or opportunities that have presented themselves (saying "hi," etc., etc.), and it compounds upon itself...

Hope this helped someone.

I remember your thread, I was going to respond but I saw you had come to a conclusion.

There is a possibility DreamerGirl but I wouldn't bet on it. Sometimes a "sorry not interested" is truly what it means. However, there is the exception.

 

This coming semester get to know him more as a friend. Basically, get to know each other more in person. The trust you two will develop will make him open up eventually because you're a friend. Once that's been established you'll truly find out where he stands.

 

 

-Jake

That's fine, I really don't care what the answer is anymore. I am just (still) surprised he wants to be like, really good friends. Maybe because he knows he will be seeing me for awhile? We both have the same major. I don't know anymore.

I know how you feel. It does make you feel ugly and unwanted. I went through it for over a year with a girl that I ended up being totally head over heels over. Lots of sparks seemed to fly and lots of flirting. All the signs were there and I was sure she was attracted and I know I was. In the end she really did a 180 on me. I was very hurt. I can’t stand to see her or be around her now. I don’t want to talk to her or anything. It’s primarily because she seemed to be deliberately trying to hurt me and humiliate me. She seemed to be enjoying the thought I was hurting over her. She was not honest with me at all. There comes a point where you start to hate them because you feel completely taken for a fool. They don’t seem to care at all and don’t even accept responsibility for anything they have done or said. I know she knows I liked her and I know she knows she did plenty to lead me on. But she wanted to act like it was all me or something.

I don't agree with not letting a guy know you like him. A guy seeking sex will seek it with whoever he wants it with regardless of whether you let him know you like him. And letting him know you like him does not mean you have to automatically head straight to the bedroom and turn into his newest sex toy.

Now I understand why guys like that don't open up. Makes total sense. I kind of feel bad now, because I was in that situation with this guy. But when he asked me out, actually no, way before he asked me out I just picked up on signs of him liking me and i was straight-forward and direct i told him that I wasn;t interested in him like that. And.. well he ignored every word and continued to pursue me. He does till this day

 

I don't really understand the second top part. Do you mean if she liked you but she acted cold towards you, she killed any chances with you?

I mean if she leads me on and then rejects me without any kind of admission of attraction or a good reason such as meeting someone else or I was too slow to act or something and especially if she makes me feel like she never liked me even though she did everything you would expect a girl to do to let you know she did like you then she has screwed the pooch so to speak. Once I feel humiliated, stupid, hurt, ugly and toyed with then I am not likely to forget it or to trust her with my emotions after that.

A few people have made good points here. I am also slow to trust a girl. I am not likely to start opening up until she makes me feel safe and feel like I won’t be laughed at, scorned or mocked for opening up and showing my feelings and attraction. Unfortunately this last girl made me feel safe and then turned around after many months and did all of the above to me. You can only imagine how much that hurt me. I still feel very bitter about it and have no love for her at all now. Yet she has still been trying to speak to me even though I have been completely ignoring her altogether and I know she knows she hurt me and she knows exactly what she did to lead me on and hurt me. Yet she acts like nothing happened and she doesn’t really care. She shows no remorse, empathy, sympathy or anything.

maybe she is a sociopath lol

I would be absolutely heartbroken if I asked a guy if he liked me when I liked him and he flatout said no, when I thought he did.

But then again. I take time before I date someone, I prefer friendship first.

I've only been in the position once. But we were already friends for about half a year. I liked her back & admitted it to her when she brought it up. The problem was I still responded negatively (I lacked self esteem) and told her not to like me like that lol! I also gave about a dozen reasons why.

That's fine, I really don't care what the answer is anymore. I am just (still) surprised he wants to be like, really good friends. Maybe because he knows he will be seeing me for awhile? We both have the same major. I don't know anymore.

I hope you don't mind me asking out of curiosity but did you admit to him that you liked him over text or in person? If it was over text, I think his lack of self esteem overtook & you gave him room to lie (make excuses why not to date him).

In person you would've been able to read him a lot better.

-Jake