Why do guys act like they aren't interested when they are?

[DreamerGirl27]

I've only been in the position once. But we were already friends for about half a year. I liked her back & admitted it to her when she brought it up. The problem was I still responded negatively (I lacked self esteem) and told her not to like me like that lol! I also gave about a dozen reasons why.

 

 

 

 

 

I hope you don't mind me asking out of curiosity but did you admit to him that you liked him over text or in person? If it was over text, I think his lack of self esteem overtook & you gave him room to lie (make excuses why not to date him).

 

In person you would've been able to read him a lot better.

 

 

-Jake

 

 

Nope, don't mind at all. yes, it was over text. he has this thing where he will only call a girl he is in a relationship with. It's incredibly annoying, so I honestly think he just keeps all his other friends that are girls to online/text. He also gave me a ton of reasons why not to like him!!! Just recently on facebook IM. lol He keeps asking me "is the fact that I'm (blank) going to help you not like me?" I am just like, "no lol". But then again he was telling me something that he wants to get done (tattoo wise) and I told him, "yeah, do that, that might make me not like you" 'cause I didn't like what he wanted to get done and he retracts what he says he wants done and says "well maybe just my right arm" 'cause he wanted to get a lot done and I don't like guys with that many tattoos. So, he will try to give me reasons to not like him and when I say "that doesn't make me not like you" he gets frustrated, but when he finally DOES say something and I say "yeah, that might make me not like you" he backs off and says something different. LOL!!

 

I guess the only way to describe it is the way he describes his dislike for me. That sounds so horrible, but true at this point in time . He said he just can't explain why he doesn't and I can't explain why I do. Well, I mean, I could...because he's my friend and no guy has ever gotten this close to me/talked to me this much, even if it is elctronically, but I just realized...it's only been 3 months since I've seen him and he knew what class I am signed up for this semester a long time ago and didn't tell me he is in the same class. I finally asked him what he's taking this semester and that's how I found out. So, I'm going to be seeing him again 3 days a week in person for whole other semester. Which could honestly be the only reason why he's still talking to me/being friendly, 'cause he knows we have the same major and are going to the same school so he knows he's going to see me.

 

It's funny...I hate that one of my other friends gave me false hope (again), but the guy she is married to REFUSED to go out with her for a year. He told her "I'm gonna get back with my ex, but thanks" and then would call her to hang out later at night if he had nothing to do. She's married to him now, but that went on for a year. lol Sooo...who knows what could happen in the future!! Here's to hoping for the best, but expecting the worst??? haha

 

Oi vey...I might have to accept the fact that he might just not be physically attracted to me, even though I am a very cute girl and this isn't to sound conceited, but I am. lol I'm not overweight...I take care of myself, etc. I do my best to dress cute/girly/feminine, but occasionally I will dress kind of like a rocker (which is exactly how he likes a girl to dress he's already told me).

 

Sooo...WHO KNOWS! I just know I don't care anymore. I'm going to be seeing him in like, 2 weeks and he most definitely knows how I feel now! I've stated my case more than once now over IM. Soo...I'm just going to let it be.

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

As annoying as I know this has to be it’s lack of self esteem peeking through. He has not convinced himself that you really like him and that he can trust you with his feelings. So he is telling you all the nasty reasons to not like him hoping you’ll give him a reaction to why you still like him. If you back off it confirms in his mind that he was right not to trust you with his feelings because you don’t really like him. My guess is he is seeking your validation and wants to believe you really do like him and find him attractive. He’s trying to prove it to himself. Unfortunately there isn’t a whole lot more you can do other than confirm that you do like him. As to his ultimate motive it could be that he likes you A LOT and he is afraid of letting go because you will be in a position to hurt him A LOT or it could be that he just wants a pretty girl to approve of him.

[DreamerGirl27]

 

You've GOT to be kidding me....

Well son of a flying monkey! lol If he thinks I don't really like him, then I dunno what I have to do to prove to him that I do! He's all I think about!! Even now that I've given up hope! and I only quite possibly feel better about it because I know I'm going to be seeing him again really soon! I've gone this whole semester missing the fudge out of him and it's been killing me that he hasn't asked me to hang out all semester and keeps just IMing me on facebook! What do I have to do? Jump his bones the next time I see him??? (This can be arranged...) LOL jk...I am not that forward physically. Just verbally. lol

 

but I mean...I have gotten seriously broken hearted over this whole thing...I can't tell you how many times I've driven home from somewhere crying (while driving) because I can't hold back my tears. I just can't keep doing that to myself. I also can't not be his friend, I'm too attached. So, I'm choosing to keep talking to him knowing it's going nowhere and having to just pry myself away from my feelings and unfortunately for him, it's actually working at the moment because I got seriously down about this for a good period of 6 or 7 months and it wasn't healthy for me. Sooo...he's gonna have to get over his insecurity (if that's what it is) or he IS gonna lose me. I hate to say it...but that's the direction we are headed.

[glucoze]

I just think guys are really dense, by playing these games.

I know us women do it too, but it's a lot worse when guys do it. Especially the 'play hard to get' thing, okay you really don't have to act like an idiot, you CAN show interest just don't show TOO much to the point of neediness, just play it cool. You don't have to ignore and act cold.

 

Am i wrong?

[DN]

I just think guys are really dense, by playing these games.

I know us women do it too, but it's a lot worse when guys do it. Especially the 'play hard to get' thing, okay you really don't have to act like an idiot, you CAN show interest just don't show TOO much to the point of neediness, just play it cool. You don't have to ignore and act cold.

 

Am i wrong?

Why is it worse when men do it?

[glucoze]

Why is it worse when men do it?

 

Because, women are more open to their feelings. I don't think women will necessarily 'play hard to get' i always knew that logic well.. - correction illogic - was associated with men. Even in the media, you see guys telling their friend 'play hard to get so she will like you more'

[DN]

Because, women are more open to their feelings. I don't think women will necessarily 'play hard to get' i always knew that logic well.. - correction illogic - was associated with men. Even in the media, you see guys telling their friend 'play hard to get so she will like you more'

I think you don't understand men very well.

[Lindee]

If you ever find out why men act aloof when they're interested, let me know.

 

Personally I think it's far more attractive if a man is genuinely interested and isn't afraid to tell me or let it show.

[glucoze]

I think you don't understand men very well.

 

Guess not afterall, hence why this thread was made

 

[DreamerGirl27]

If you ever find out why men act aloof when they're interested, let me know.

 

Personally I think it's far more attractive if a man is genuinely interested and isn't afraid to tell me or let it show.

 

 

Agreed 110%!!

[glucoze]

If you ever find out why men act aloof when they're interested, let me know.

 

Personally I think it's far more attractive if a man is genuinely interested and isn't afraid to tell me or let it show.

 

exactly!!!!

makes things so MUCH EASIER.

[DreamerGirl27]

Personally, I also hate it when guys think it attracts girls to act like a jerk. I can't explain why I like someone, you can't tell your heart what to do, but when a guy I like starts acting like a jerk it just hurts me, it doesn't make me like them more and eventually I will STOP liking them. So, if you want to drive a girl away. Act aloof, act like you don't care and act like a jerk. She'll be gone before you know it. At least...I would be. I guess if you really don't like her, this is the perfect thing to do.

[Philos]

Because they're afraid of rejection or of coming on too strong.

 

Why don't you turn the tables and ask the guys out?

[coastalgirl]

I would not ask a guy out. I know some women do but I have always been told that guys like to do the chasing. Oh, they will be flattered and they may take you up on it but it will change the equation.

 

In fact I have tried it, a few times in my life many years ago and it never worked out for me. I have asked guys this question and although they don't like rejection (the ones I asked) they said they would think differently and may not look at them as serious dating material.

 

It's not fair, and I wish it was 100% ok to do it, but if the guy is important to you I suggest not to ask him out. I've asked many guys about this over the years and they say it's ok to hint about a date, mention an upcoming concert that your thinking about going to or something, but don't ask them out directly.

 

I'm sure there are different situations where it did work for some.

[noneStar]

Don't like setting myself up for a giant fail or a big waste of time. Plus, what if there is a mutual interest then you might get "stuck" with her/eachother.

[glucoze]

i agree 100% with the top part. Im just not comfortable asking guys out. I really do think based on biological and science factors, men should be asking out plain and simple.

[DN]

i agree 100% with the top part. Im just not comfortable asking guys out. I really do think based on biological and science factors, men should be asking out plain and simple.

How is that working for you.

 

And why do these biological and scientific factors not come in to play when women do successfully ask men out?

 

I think these 'factors' are an excuse to hide behind in order to avoid the same sort of fear of rejection that men have to deal with. It's convenient but not convincing.

 

BTW - in the Algonquin society women chose the men they wanted and did the asking.

[glucoze]

How is that working for you.

 

And why do these biological and scientific factors not come in to play when women do successfully ask men out?

 

I think these 'factors' are an excuse to hide behind in order to avoid the same sort of fear of rejection that men have to deal with. It's convenient but not convincing.

 

BTW - in the Algonquin society women chose the men they wanted and did the asking.

 

men are supposed to ask woman out. Its much better that way.

and it's always been that way. Most guys get bored when a women does the chasing, men like to chase, its been proven.

[DN]

men are supposed to ask woman out. Its much better that way.

and it's always been that way. Most guys get bored when a women does the chasing, men like to chase, its been proven.

I think you should do some more research on that idea.

 

Tyr browsing the forums here.

[DreamerGirl27]

Don't like setting myself up for a giant fail or a big waste of time. Plus, what if there is a mutual interest then you might get "stuck" with her/eachother.

 

and that's a bad thing? lol Oh no...heaven forbid should a guy get stuck with a girl he likes. That would just be the end of the world...

[glucoze]

I think you should do some more research on that idea.

 

Tyr browsing the forums here.

 

I have. They are all shy guys lol

still wouldn't know if they were interested to begin with, since the majority act like they aren't interested, and when you present yourself they avoid and act like they don't care, that you were wrong to assume such a thing.

And then when you move on, they admit that they indeed had feelings for you, and continue to.

 

Know what that is? A waste of time. So if a guy is interested he should initiate plain and simple.

[Lamour detruit]

I have. They are all shy guys lol

still wouldn't know if they were interested to begin with, since the majority act like they aren't interested, and when you present yourself they avoid and act like they don't care, that you were wrong to assume such a thing.

And then when you move on, they admit that they indeed had feelings for you, and continue to.

 

Know what that is? A waste of time. So if a guy is interested he should initiate plain and simple.

 

It is obvious you have no idea what you're saying. You are too afraid of initiating or taking the first step, and then try to to shrug it off as "oh but it's science..because it's science..and it's a fact". Just say you're too shy or afraid to do so rather than make up excuses for it.

[Bluesman89]

Shyness and low confidence. I personally always try to hide any interest I might have in someone, unless it was made absolutely clear they felt the same. It's kind of like a defense tactic.

[glucoze]

It is obvious you have no idea what you're saying. You are too afraid of initiating or taking the first step, and then try to to shrug it off as "oh but it's science..because it's science..and it's a fact". Just say you're too shy or afraid to do so rather than make up excuses for it.

 

ARe you joking? I do know what I am saying.

Its not like im being totally ignorant - i have asked guys out.

They've said yes. I've even asked 'shy' guys out, and they act like they aren't interested, hence my thread, hence my explanation. They all say "oh" or act like they don't care, and then when i'm over their mind games, they finally confess "i actually do like you, a lot."

 

Give me a break.

[glucoze]

It is obvious you have no idea what you're saying. You are too afraid of initiating or taking the first step, and then try to to shrug it off as "oh but it's science..because it's science..and it's a fact". Just say you're too shy or afraid to do so rather than make up excuses for it.

 

Im not 'too shy'

maybe YOU should stop making excuses, stop beating around the bush and just tell a girl how you feel. If she shows interest in you.