Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Sharing a bed with opposite sex friend

  1. #1
    SocialStigma
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Age
    26
    Posts
    413
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    10

    Sharing a bed with opposite sex friend

    A bit of background info: my boyfriend and I are both 20, have been together since we were 16. I am his girlfriend, kiss, etc. He is my first serious relationship. We go to different universities and are currently LD (even though it's summer, he is in a co-op program where he works for 4 months and then goes to school for 4 months and right now he is at school while I am home for the summer).

    Yesterday he went to go watch a badminton tournament at a club near his university, a lot of his friends were playing, including his best girl friend, Kate, and best guy friend, Ian. One of his other friends, Dan (who is on his work term right now, and not at school with them) drove down to play in the tournament but it ran later than expected and ended at 12:30am. The 4 of them (boyfriend, Kate, Ian and Dan) went out to eat afterwards since the tournament started at 5pm and they had not eaten since then and it was late by that time so Dan decided not to drive back and crash at a hotel. My boyfriend, Kate and Ian decided to stay with him so he wouldn't have to pay so much for the hotel (none of them had a couch/spare bed to offer him) and the only room available was a room with 2 queen beds.

    Dan has a stomach problem..very gassy guy and so nobody wanted to sleep on the same bed as him. They drew straws and Ian lost so my boyfriend slept in the same bed as Kate. They are best friends and I trust him that nothing happened etc because he really sees her as a guy, he calls her "dude" and I've met her and seen them interact. Conversations between them are always scattered with "man/bro/dude" etc. Plus it was a queen bed so it's not like they were forced to cuddle up.

    My boyfriend told me all of this today when he got back home and my first reaction was "whaaa" because we'd always said sleeping with someone of the opposite sex that wasn't your SO was kinda weird but then I thought about it and since it was Kate, it was no big deal. But then I thought MORE about it..and I thought to myself that if it was me in that situation, I definitely would've taken the bed with the girl rather than share a bed with a guy (even if he was my best friend and we were purely platonic).

    Now I feel like my boyfriend doesn't "respect" our relationship as I do, I think his thought process is that he knows that his intentions are pure so it's fine. It's not so much that he shared a bed with Kate that bothers me as the fact that he didn't consider that he has a girlfriend. Am I overreacting?

    Apologies for the length!
    Last edited by SocialStigma; 05-30-2010 at 07:20 PM. Reason: typo

  2. #2
    DrKitten
    Platinum Member DrKitten's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Californiyay
    Age
    28
    Posts
    1,286
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    10
    Since he was open to you about it, plus the fact that you've met her and know how she interacts with your boyfriend, I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it. Just let him know that it makes you somewhat uncomfortable and tell him what you would do in the same situation. I don't think its unreasonable to ask not to let it happen again, and just leave it at that.

  3. #3
    Celestialagape54

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    The land of gray skies..........
    Age
    30
    Posts
    1,420
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    Personally I would not share a bed with anyone that was not my SO. I would have much rather slept on the floor out of respect for my SO.

  4. #4
    -Sanguine-
    Platinum Member -Sanguine-'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    somewhere over the rainbow
    Posts
    3,028
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by DrKitten [Register to see the link]
    Since he was open to you about it, plus the fact that you've met her and know how she interacts with your boyfriend, I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it. Just let him know that it makes you somewhat uncomfortable and tell him what you would do in the same situation. I don't think its unreasonable to ask not to let it happen again, and just leave it at that.
    I agree with this.

    I was put in the exact situation as you. My guys best friend is a girl and she is like one of the guys. I met her and she's really nice and they'd never had a history of dating or anything like that. He was also honest with me about it. At first it didn't bother me, then it kind of felt weird so I told him next time it would be better if they didn't share a bed. That was it.

  5. #5
    greywolf
    Platinum Member greywolf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Good question...
    Age
    31
    Posts
    10,404
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    49
    I think if your first reaction was not to think much of it, then you shouldn't look for problems where they don't exist.

    It's not like they went to sleep in a hotel room together. He was with a group of friends. What if all 3 of the guys had girlfriends? Do you think they should have all slept in the same bed, and Kate a bed to herself?

    Personally, if I already knew the girl, and I thought she was cool, then I wouldn't have a problem with it.

  6. #6
    arcadefire
    Platinum Member arcadefire's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    2,382
    Gender
    Female
    I agree that it's weird that he slept in the same bed as his female friend. Since you feel uncomfortable about this, you should bring it up to him and tell him that although you trust him, you don't feel like he respected you by sharing the same bed with another woman.

  7. #7
    SocialStigma
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Age
    26
    Posts
    413
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    10
    Thanks for the replies everyone.

    I told him that I wasn't mad and believed that nothing happened but in the future, I would prefer it if he didn't share beds with other girls. He apologized and said it won't happen again, and that had it been a bed smaller than a queen, he definitely wouldn't have shared it with Kate.

  8. #8
    honexx

    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    39
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by DrKitten [Register to see the link]
    Since he was open to you about it, plus the fact that you've met her and know how she interacts with your boyfriend, I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it. Just let him know that it makes you somewhat uncomfortable and tell him what you would do in the same situation. I don't think its unreasonable to ask not to let it happen again, and just leave it at that.
    same thoughts with here.

    the best way in a relationship is a good communication

  9.  

Top Threads
Friend's boyfriend wants to be part of a "swingers" group
You can see my original thread here: [url]https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=532663[/url] As an update, he IS part of swinger
Working on my insecurity; she's not always helping; please comment
Background: I'm divorcing, she's almost divorced, we've been exclusive for 5 months and living together for 1 month. (Don't particularly need
NOO!! I broke NC after 2 DAYS!!! HELP
Aw folks what do I do!!!! I caved in and bloody text her, I just felt that If she never knew I still loved her and that i wasnt moving on she
My boyfriend called me by his exes name. What should I do?
[B]tl;dr Me and my boyfriend were having a lovely weekend together and he called me by his exes name. I'm so hurt and can't get past it when I think
Was I that blind?
Hi All, 6 months ago I (25 y.o.) started dating a guy. (29 y.o.) We fell in love pretty fast. He was telling everyone he wants to marry me, was
Bf calling this girl "babe"
Hi all, It is me again with my insecurities. I went through my bf's phone to see his relationship with a newly divorced friend of his that he went
Advice: on telling people about my age gap relationship
Hey all, I am 20 years old and I have been dating a guy 27 years older then me for about a year now. We have told several close friends each

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Completely Confused? What does this mean?
Hi All- I was dating a guy for almost a year. We had a pretty great relationship- Things got serious. We told each other we loved each other. Even
Boyfriend told me he couldn't afford holiday, next day books one to Thailand
Basically my boyfriend of 6 months is $40k in debt (I'm debt-free). We had talked about going to Vietnam and he said he needed 6 months to save up
Not a regular here, I have a few questions...
I'll try to make this brief. Been in a relationship (23F) with a man (35) for 5 years. Typical in the beginning, though I always wondered how he
Weed or Me
Hi, I have been dating my boyfriend for a few months - he is 31 and I am 24. He has recently started smoking weed every night and I don't really
Is He Hiding from Me?
Hi All, Need some advice from those that are familiar with social media apps such as Instagram.. I'v been friends with this guy for about a
Red flag in friendship
I've been through a terrible first break up and was in a lot of pain. I was physically and mentally sick due to the stress of the break up but I'm
I broke hard NC after 7 months (B I G M I S T A K E)
No surprise, I'm absolutely devastated. She pretty much blew me off like I was a piece of trash. At first I was happy because she actually responded
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •