!! i cant give up !!

hi there im new to this, im after some good thoughts and a bit of inspiration.

my ex girlfriend dumped me 6 months ago and i have tried everthink to get over her but i cant, im sure ive pushed her away for good with all my begging and arguing but its the new year and i want to give it one last go so atleast i can say i gave it all i could.

we had been together just over 7 years and have a son of 6 years the relation ship went bad in the last 3 years we were allways arguing over stupid stuff,alot of this was caused by me i was selfemployed and going through a really bad time with money trubles and also facing bankruptcy, which put alot of stress on me and then i would put it on her, i look back now and can honestly say was it worth it it was only money,one other thing that caused her to leave was that i got verey posesive and allways questioned her over every little thing i no i had nothink to worry about but i was scared of loosing her,like ihave now.

since the break up she has gone back to live in the first house we bought together were she was happy, she now has a new boyfriend and im sure ive pushed her further to him by begging her to come back to me and arguing with her, she tells me he will never meet our son which brings me to think he is just somethink for now. which is why ive decided to give it one final try to let her see i can be that happy loving person she fell in love with 7 years ago. she told me she still has feeligs for me but only as our sons dad we keep in contact and i see her on regular basis so i can see my son i think the last resort is to try and be her friend and show her through our son i have changed and hopefully take the baby steps back to her heart giving up is not an option.

i would like to thank everyone in advance for any insight.

thanks tony

Hi Tony, welcome to ENA. I am sure you will get a lot of helps here, whether it is for you to get her back or get 'you' back. Both of which you may or may not want to hear. The situation you are in strangely rings a bell other than the part where you have a child with her.

Firstly, it is one thing to realize our mistakes in order to fix it for our own good, and another to self-blame everything on ourselves. Because we feel bad the person we love is no longer there with us, validating our very own reasons to not yet let go.

Start by working on yourself from the very basics, like taking time to be happy on your own and you won't send a desperate message women frown upon. Self pity is not sexy! And if you are not happy spending time with yourself who else is going to want to spend time with you? Do not beg, do not cry, yelling, screaming or show lack of self controls. One utmost important thing, you must do this for yourself the ultimate goal is to be a better you, for you. Changing for others will almost always never work.

Never let her think that you've forgotten your son. There is no guarantee she will get back with you, but if she won't (and I hope she will) the best thing you'll get out of this is a better you.

There are others who will give you far better advise than mine, good luck Tony.

thank you for your words its nice to see actual people put that up rather than an e book. i do realize my mistakes to a degree were i look back and think wot an idiot but they are behinde me now i cant go back in time and change wot is done so now with the new year im looking forward and putting myself at eas knowing if i dont get her back i have learnt alot from it and wont make the same mistakes again. if only i had of done it sooner it could of been diffrent.

but thats were are emotions do the thinking not logic.

this experience has made me a better person allready

thanks again

looks like i might be fiting a loosing battle here 85 veiws and only one reply any type of insight would be really apretiated.

thanks again

Hi Tony,

I'm in exactly the same position as you and know completely how you feel, i was with my ex for 4 years and we have a two year old son. She left me in august, similar reasons to yourself, i was frustrated with work and guess i kind of took her for granted, when i look back now i only saw what i didn't have not what i did. It's been the worst few months of my life, i have been trying really hard to better myself and i think i've come a long way but it still hurts especially this time of year. I think your doing the right thing, like me, just keep being the best dad you can be, as we both know their the most important thing in your life, and hopefully she will see how you've changed as a person. It won't happen overnight but i still have hope that somewhere down the line reconciliation is possible.

Thanks for the reply it's nice to see that some one is in the same position as me , well not really nice but at least some one else understands, I believe that it's never to late for reconciliation, we just have to learn by our mistakes and better our selves for us. after all it's the person they fell in love with we need to be not the person we become. Anythink is possible in life you just have to make the changes. And most of all be happy.

I dont see anything wrong with trying as long as you dont get carried away. some people just say move on and that is it. If you really love her then understand things are a process and you cant rush it. let her know how you feel and give her time. you will know when it is time for you to just leave it alone for good and move on. NC is good but it is not the answer to everything.