Your Reason for Breaking Up

It seems like everyone is breaking up, just like that one pop song says. It seems like every reason is bitter and painful. It leaves me wondering if there were any "good" break-ups. And even more so, any relationships that resulted in ex's being good friends.

So why did you and your SO's end it?

Do you think it was a good reason?

Do you wish something would have gone differently.

I'm looking for insight to help not just myself, but everyone else too.

Dating is sort of a trial to see if the person is worth staying for the long run. Sometimes both people are good people, just not right for each other. I've had that happen...I stay friends but it doesn't last long...there were just no bad feelings from either party.

I have never had a "good" breakup in the sense that even if the reasons are right it still is painful.

I seem to be the exception to the rule but I have remained friends with all my exes. Like Gratsy some haven't lasted long before we lose touch for one reason or another but I keep in touch with a few that I broke up with 10 years ago. I am on this site because of a recent breakup and one of my exes and her husband are taking me fishing to get my mind off stuff and it doesn't bother me that she is married and not to me because she is happy and the feelings that I had for her at that time have passed. I just never let the breakup be about a person but rather the reasons me and them can't remain in a dating relationship. There were definite positives about each person and as long as it wasn't sex that was the main attraction we could just focus on keeping our relationship to those. I have my Movie ex, my bowling ex etc . . . Sometimes, after the hurt has passed, you find it is better as friends (at least for me) but I would say that the key is to let the feelings pass before trying a friendship and to make sure that the sexual aspect is strictly gone because I have tried to "remain friends" either too soon after or involving sex and just ended up crushed.

Its weird though...I've noticed a lot of men will attach a interest or situation to the girl...its not about the girl, its about the situation. The woman was your "movie ex" or your "golf ex". To me, its totally about THAT person...do you want THAT person: yes or no...and its easy to know, I think. Its never been something to confuse me. We have control over our emotions if we are smart. If you're around someone, its harder to get over them, and so on.

I do see what you mean though...you have to make sure the feelings are over if you are hanging out with an ex, though.

I think the situational things came after we broke up. When I was with them I was with them 100% but in the end it turned out we didn't click on all levels for whatever reason.

I have some that I can do anything with but I have found it is easier to remain friends (if you want to) if you focus on the thing(s) that worked best. I have found that when we focus on a certain thing it keeps us from falling into traps and also doesn't give their current relationship or mine any problems because they know we dated and that we go to the movies or bowling and they can come along because it is strictly platonic and fun.

I wouldn't say it is easy to remain friends because there is a period when it is impossible. I never set out to be friends with my exes and in the immediate post breakup period like I am in now I want them back more than life itself. I am heartbroken right now over the girl who just broke up with me and at this moment can't see being friends because my feelings are so strong. In fact I have trouble doing things with other friends at the moment because things are rough.

The one thing I can say about exes being friends though is they know me, good and bad. I can turn to them and get an honest opinion on things. This relationship that just ended they can't figure out just like I can't but often when something ends they can help tell me where I went wrong if it was my fault and I can work on it. I try to learn from my mistakes but sometimes I repeat them . . .

My ex dumped me because when I was coming off some antidepressants I tried to kill myself. (It's actually a fairly common reaction to either starting/stopping that kind of meds...especially since the person is in that kind of mindset already, a sudden extreme downswing in mood is pretty much the last straw. I didn't know about this at the time, I hadn't talked to my doc I was just stopping them because of really really bad side effects. I have chemical depression, it runs in my family, and I have some meds now that work great.) He has refused to acknowledge I exist since the day he broke up with me. It hurt like hell because I always thought he would be there but when I needed him he couldn't hack it and basically just ran away. (The fact that I had depression didn't really affect him/our relationship before then, he knew I was in counselling and trying out medication but I was dealing.)

Let's put down lack of empathy as the reason.

Suddenlyalone, you and I are in the same shoes. My friends and family cannot figure out this last break-up, even my best friend and older sister who know me almost as well as my ex does. It's only been 2 weeks but the relationship was 4 years of really great stuff. We're all lost!

Name the Game, I know what you're feeling to. You find someone who is always there for you (and in my case, even promised they always would be) and when you need them the most they abandon you. My best friend is leaving for college several hours away and that left me with just him as a super close friend but now I'm feeling really alone. Where I live it seems like people aren't interested in taking the time to get to know someone so I've always had a small social circle.

we had been together for 8 months, when out of the blue, she says she wants to date other people and she feels trapped. I said "so you met someone else?" She said "no, no, no I need to feel free" Well she goes camping over the weekend and I ask her who she is going with. "my sister" Turns out she went with the new guy and didnt intend on telling me. I found out through her myspace page and I just * * * * ing lost it.

So now, she says she wants space, that she doesnt know what she wants, and im * * * * ing hurt because even if we were to fix things, I could never trust her again. (we had planned on moving in and marrying) So basically, Im two weeks into the break up and I feel terrible

You and I both are 2 weeks in to this mess. But let me tell you, avoid Myspace. It only brings up things you are seriously better off not knowing. I know this from experience in the last 2 weeks alone. I found pics of my boyfriend at another girls house (I'm not a big psycho g/f, I'm totally fine with him having friends that are girls because at the end of the day he's was in love with me, cuddling with me, calling me etc.) on a weekend he "couldn't" do anything with me. Jut FYI we broke up because we didn't see each other enough and he couldn't take it anymore.

My boyf and I had been planning on getting married as well and we were half way through our journey. We had planned on getting engaged the year we graduated from college but apparently he couldn't deal with a single rough patch.

Exploding_head, you and I both deserve someone better, someone stronger and someone who keeps ALL their promises.

I dumped my ex because he couldn't love me the same way I loved him. And I didn't want to be in a one-sided relationship anymore, with me giving and him playing. He just wasn't as serious with me as I was with him. Broke my heart but it was for the better. The break up led me to here, believe it or not. Two months later he found another girl. We still don't talk. =\

I dumped my ex because he couldn't love me the same way I loved him. And I didn't want to be in a one-sided relationship anymore, with me giving and him playing. He just wasn't as serious with me as I was with him. Broke my heart but it was for the better. The break up led me to here, believe it or not. Two months later he found another girl. We still don't talk. =\

I'm in the same position you were right now, I'm with a girl who has been telling me she loves me for the past 6 months; but recently told me she wants a more casual relationship without the I love yous, basically I just got slapped in the face and I have no idea what to do. She's a very selfish girl too, everything we do has to benefit her in someway, such as when we had the discussion she told me that it's what SHE wanted... but never gave one thought as to what I felt about it.

I now feel like she's a completely different person and I'm now going through each day like a brokenhearted zombie whilst she is on holiday with her parents enjoying herself.

It's been a few years, but my last ex is an ex because the action stopped in the bedroom. He was taking meds for depression and there was no sex for almost 5 years! I finally had enough, left him, and have been with a real stallion for the last nine years.

My ex and I still love each other.

But it just hasn't worked, despite 3 years together.

He has a fear of commitment; to being in a relationship, and to not being in a relationship.

Since I wanted to be with him, I kept accepting the unacceptable. I finally realized that it would have to be ME to break it off, and keep it that way.

I'm still working on it.

Can't blame you for breaking up after no sex for 5 years. People have needs and I have learned that there is a point where you have to think of yourself and your needs/wants before your SO.

I'm in the same position you were right now, I'm with a girl who has been telling me she loves me for the past 6 months; but recently told me she wants a more casual relationship without the I love yous, basically I just got slapped in the face and I have no idea what to do. She's a very selfish girl too, everything we do has to benefit her in someway, such as when we had the discussion she told me that it's what SHE wanted... but never gave one thought as to what I felt about it.

 

I now feel like she's a completely different person and I'm now going through each day like a brokenhearted zombie whilst she is on holiday with her parents enjoying herself.

If you're looking for a serious relationship with this girl, you're not going to get it. I suggest you have a serious talk with her and tell her that you're looking for something serious and sorry things couldn't work out if she doesn't put in the effort you're going to...