ditzygirl Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 i was wondering.. with all this NC and LC stuff... does anyone know how long does it normally takes for a person to realize they actually miss u in their life? i just broke up last week and did the NC thing since last wednesday (6 days now).... i ran into my ex breifly over the weekend at a bar.. he was iwth his guy firends and i was with a group of firends.. (guys and girls) ... there was particularly 1 boy that i was talking to more tha the others. anyway.. my ex didnt seem bothered at alll.. we didnt say hi to each other. his firends saw me and they said hi to mee... but me and my ex just completely avoided each other. it was so sour. for those of u that NC acutalyl did work.. how long did it take for them to start contacting you? and for the dumpers, do u ever regret breaking up with ur ex and wanted them back? Link to comment
darkpumpkin Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 It's really a catch22. Dumpee's use NC so they can get over their ex. Some never contact the dumper again, they heal and move on. The one's who can't accept the relationship is over usually make attempt after attempt in hopes to change the other persons mind or in a way to make them feel a bit better, though it is a brief relief. He may never contact you, but I have found in my experiance it's a few months before someone contacts the other. On a friendly basis or other wise. Link to comment
shikashika Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 well to be honest, most of the time they don't miss you, especially if they are the ones to do the breakup. When i broke up with someone , i didn't miss him at all. I think we like to hope that they miss us, but truly if they cared about us that much, and couldn't bear the thought of not being around us... they wouldn't have done the dumping! Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 A lot of people say around 3 months after a break-up, which for it's been 2 1/2. But I dunno if that's with complete NC or what. But remember - he may never be back...that's just life for ya. The main reason for NC should be to get you back and to heal. Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 well to be honest, most of the time they don't miss you, especially if they are the ones to do the breakup. When i broke up with someone , i didn't miss him at all. I think we like to hope that they miss us, but truly if they cared about us that much, and couldn't bear the thought of not being around us... they wouldn't have done the dumping! I really don't think that's true. If you were in a non-abusive relationship, for like at least a few months - they are gonna miss you sometimes no matter what. That's human nature. The catch is they may not miss you enough to want to start a relationship with you, or even contact you. Most dumpers do seem to contact at some point though. Link to comment
shikashika Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 I really don't think that's true. If you were in a non-abusive relationship, for like at least a few months - they are gonna miss you sometimes no matter what. That's human nature. The catch is they may not miss you enough to want to start a relationship with you, or even contact you. Most dumpers do seem to contact at some point though. Well, when I've broken up with someone, I felt relieved..I haven't missed them. It was over for a reason. Link to comment
love4life Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 I've been the dumper twice. In one situation, I didn't want to do it, but felt I had to because I was doing all the work and it was hurting too much. I thought of him every day for years afterwards (still do, but not emotionally). The other time, I dumped him because he was more in to me than I was in to him, and I felt nothing but pressure. I never enjoyed our time together. I'm actually friends with that one now (just saw him yesterday and turned to him for advice about my more recent ex who dumped me). So, I think sometimes the dumper will miss you and want the relationship to work again one day, and other times they'll feel relief and want nothing to do with you, unless it's just casual and friendly. Link to comment
Little Blue Ant Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 its all relative. I dumped a girl after 3 1/2 years and never really MISSED her. I still thought about her, and did feel guilty for quite a while for leaving her but never felt I wanted to go back to her. We both moved on, and only spoke a few times since. Granted, I was emotionally gone from the relationship for about a year leading to the break up, so.. its all apples and oranges with relationships. your's is different than mine, and the next person's. Link to comment
fridolyn Posted February 11, 2008 Share Posted February 11, 2008 I dumped my -ex- . I was happy the first few weeks. At that time I felt it was the best thing to do. Now, 3 months later. I feel bad. If I was given a second chance, I would consider it. But... will a "second chance" work? I'm not that sure... I guess it's just me feeling lonely... scared of not finding someone else... forgetting how bad I felt with her at the end... So, is it really love? That's not what people her tell me... It's some kind of confusion, obssession, addiction, attachment..... not love..... ** English is my 2nd language** Link to comment
tushboy Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 I don't buy the argument that they totally forget about us. I mean come on, we still know the name of the school teacher in grade 5 or something, here we are talking about some one you loved and who responded on some level atleast. I don't think they think about us as much as we do, but there definitely are moments when they miss us. Especially when they date/ go out with a new person.. comparisions are inevitable. Link to comment
Addicus Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 Who in this thread can read minds? Who knows how much they miss us, maybe they are someone thinking if we miss htem, and if we do how much do we miss them. The reality is we don't know what the other person is thinking or feeling unless they CHOOSE to share that information with us. I feel it is unhealthy trying to figure out what the other person is thinking or doing...it is really none of my business. I hope my ex is happy, I hope she is not thinking of me too much, that wouldn't be healthy, I know she totally respects my choice of NC. I know that NC is for me to grow and I am. I also knowthat I may never contact her again. After 2 weeks of healthy processing, a few with the ex but mostly though NC I find myself in a place of great serenity and finding a lot more positive things in the end of the relationship that bad. Link to comment
hennypenny3288 Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 I've been the dumper twice. In one situation, I didn't want to do it, but felt I had to because I was doing all the work and it was hurting too much. I thought of him every day for years afterwards (still do, but not emotionally). The other time, I dumped him because he was more in to me than I was in to him, and I felt nothing but pressure. I never enjoyed our time together. I'm actually friends with that one now (just saw him yesterday and turned to him for advice about my more recent ex who dumped me). So, I think sometimes the dumper will miss you and want the relationship to work again one day, and other times they'll feel relief and want nothing to do with you, unless it's just casual and friendly. How did you and that ex manage to stay friends or turn into such good friends? Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 I don't buy the argument that they totally forget about us. I mean come on, we still know the name of the school teacher in grade 5 or something, here we are talking about some one you loved and who responded on some level atleast. I don't think they think about us as much as we do, but there definitely are moments when they miss us. Especially when they date/ go out with a new person.. comparisions are inevitable. Exactly. I would have to agree. Link to comment
Jayson4all Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Well, when I've broken up with someone, I felt relieved..I haven't missed them. It was over for a reason. If u dont miss them, i dont think u was really in love with that person IMO . Link to comment
latinvtp Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 I don't agree that they won't miss you. Like someone else said, it hte relationship was not abusive, they will miss you... Now, don't get stuck hoping they will come back..just move on and time will tell. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Well, when I've broken up with someone, I felt relieved..I haven't missed them. It was over for a reason. Agreed. If I thought I was going to miss them, I wouldn't have broken up with them. Over is over to me. Link to comment
MagicForest Posted September 14, 2012 Share Posted September 14, 2012 Missing connection and closeness and your lover's personal quirks is not the same as wanting to go back to them. It took me two years with the ex husband to realize I would never be happy with him. I did my due diligence. When it was over, it was over. Did I miss him? Of course. Still do. But I miss the good moments, which ended long ago. I love him and want him to be happy but know it can't/won't be with me. Link to comment
ks1986 Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 It seems that they start missing you right when you start moving on with your life. They start off feeling free and ready to move on and away from you, THEN they miss you if it's gonna happen, where with Dumpees...it's the other way around. Link to comment
Sparkleeyes Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 I think it depends on the length of the relationship and also whether there is someone else in the wings - a rebound. Looking back at my own experiences many many years ago, I know that there were times when I really was glad to see the back of that person and as long as I was busy with other things or people, I never really missed them. However there were other times where I would miss them for years afterwards. This usually happened when circumstances were outwith my control e.g geographical splits where one had to move elsewhere, or infidelity. BUT at some point or other, they all came back. Sometimes weeks, sometimes years later, but usually I had moved on with my life by then. It also depends on your age - whether you are young and carefree, or older where choices of partner are more limited. Link to comment
Loveandlost Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 It is so true, especially when they were in the wrong. My ex-fiancee from 10 years ago came back 2 weeks ago (oddly shortly after I changed my status to single on Facebook.. stalker much). We broke up because she met someone else..Her life had gone downhill since we dated, she's in a unhappy marriage, her career tanked.. etc. The best part was that her comment was about how she has missed me over the years and wondered how I have been. Too little too late I have fallin in and out of love several times over since her, each one bringing something unique to the table that helped me grow as a person and that much closer to the next love of my life Link to comment
MagicForest Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 Loveandlost, how many times is "several times over"? In the wake of a new heartbreak, it's so hard to imagine finding someone new, and I'm not even sure I'd have the strength to do it multiple times! Link to comment
zyz30 Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 What happens when your ex finds out that the grass really is greener? In my case, my ex was gorgeous, and she could get so many guys more attractive than me. From what I've seen, guys really are all over her. She's made so many new "guy friends" and friends in general, and just really been enjoying life without me. Meanwhile, I've been completely miserable. We had an amazing one and a half year relationship though. She also still wears my anniversary gift I gave her everyday. How can she forget everything so easily? Hope is the only thing that gets me through the day, so it's really hard for me to let go of it. Link to comment
Loveandlost Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 Oh lets see she broke up with me a bit over 10 years ago (we were engaged 3 year relationship), since then I have had 4 other LTR relationships (6 months, 1 and a half years, 2 years, 5 years). Gave myself 1-3 months between each to heal, process and grow and then forced myself to get back out into the field and meet new people, try new things, and find new experiences. Give yourself the time to process and let go, but don't get stuck in the past and what-if's. Life is worth living and its waiting for you. I understand you have heartbreak, I'm going through that again myself currently... BUT the reason you feel so bad right now is at some point being with your ex made you feel really good. The reality is 1,3 or even 6 months of heartbreak is worth years of happiness every time. Link to comment
MagicForest Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 And did you find that the next relationship made you happier than the one previous? Link to comment
Loveandlost Posted September 16, 2012 Share Posted September 16, 2012 Absolutely i was happy, every new relationship was a better match for who i was at the point it started. And as i grew so did my ability to be a better lover to them as well. Im 31 now, my life is so different then when i was 20 and engaged the first time.. Its like comparing apples to oranges. But once you heal, grow, and let go you will find others who will be a better match for who you will become. Link to comment
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