Discussing Marriage and Kids with SO??

Hello,

I recently posted a similar question in another section but I thought I would try it in here since this is the section I should have posted it in!

Anyway, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 year and 9 months now and have never really talked about marriage and kids...not even if it's a goal we have for our lives, let alone if we want it with each other. I am 24 and he is 26. We love each other very much and have a pretty good relationship otherwise (other than the usual arguments that all couples have), and I would love nothing more than to hear his thoughts on this topic. I would love for him to say that he wants to get married and have kids one day...and hopefully that he can see that happening with me. I guess I haven't broached the subject myself because I have been wanting him to do it...but there is no indication that he will do it anytime soon.

What should I do? Should I broach the subject myself? If so, how would I go about doing that?? I feel like at this point in our relationship I should be able to talk to him about anything but for some reason I am somewhat uneasy about bringing the topic up, and this scares me because I feel that that is an indication that something is wrong in our relationship Why hasn't he brought this up yet?? What does this mean? I would really appreciate any feedback from people, especially guys who could give me some advice on why he hasn't brought this up yet, if this is normal guy behaviour or if it's an indication of something else, and how I can broach the subject myself.

Thanks in advance

Wow, I wish I had been as cautious as you... I plunged right into talks about marriage at the very start of our relationship. And my bf was all for it. but as the relationship progressed, and things got ugly.... we broke up.

so anyway... I'm interested on what other people have to say. Thanks for posting this.

I don't see any reason not to discuss it once you're actually exclusive. As long as its not a "when are we", it should be a "would you someday like to?"

I'd be kinda freaked out if I started dating someone and she started naming our children.

What should I do? Should I broach the subject myself? If so, how would I go about doing that?? I feel like at this point in our relationship I should be able to talk to him about anything but for some reason I am somewhat uneasy about bringing the topic up, and this scares me because I feel that that is an indication that something is wrong in our relationship Why hasn't he brought this up yet?? What does this mean? I would really appreciate any feedback from people, especially guys who could give me some advice on why he hasn't brought this up yet, if this is normal guy behaviour or if it's an indication of something else, and how I can broach the subject myself.

Most likely he hasn't brought it up because he hasn't thought about it. Some people don't have goals for their lives. Some of my dates certainly haven't.

I think you should have this discussion with him. I'd make it a casual discussion though, so as not to seem pushy. You guys aren't kids anymore, and you need to know if you and your partner have the same goals in life when it comes to marriage and children.

My boyfriend & I discussed it at about 9 months. I asked him one night lying in bed "where do you see yourself in 3 yrs?" To my surprise he said "married to you working on making a family." And our discussion went from there.

If we'd had the discussion and I realized that he didn't want to get married or have children, we'll we would not still be together, b/c that's definitely one of my goals.

Heh, I asked about kids before the first date. We met online and I wanted to be sure we were on the same page. If he really really really wanted them, then we wouldn`t have been compatible. I made it a bit of a joke though - we were giving each other little random question quizzes and I threw in "Kids = yes!!!, ew!!!, Maybe..."

I dunno, maybe sometime when you see some kids, you could ask if he ever sees himself as having some?

I'd say you can open up the topic by asking about what he thinks/sees for his future.... if after that you still don't have a clue, ask about your future with him...... "do you see us as a long term thing, a forever thing?"

Ask about marriage but not with you, just about the subject....."are you against marriage?"...."do you think getting married is an outdated ritual?", etc.

Hope this helps! I disscussed all this with my boyfriend and didn't like the answers

"where do you see yourself in 3 yrs?"

personally i'd go for this approach its more laid back and it easy leads on to asking about marriage and kids as u've got the ball rolling on the topic so to speak. when i've broached the subjects like this with my boy i am normally snuggled up in bed (i don't by no means want to get married yet but i like to check every so often that we're still on the same page and he sees and wants his future with me). I'd say just do it u'll know where u stand then and that's a good thing. good luck Xx

Hi!!...Welcome to enotalone...I see you're fairly new...Me too, and I fell in love with this site....he-he...I always get great advice...

Anyway, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 year and 9 months now and have never really talked about marriage and kids...

...To me, time has always been a tricky subject...When should I do this, when should I do that, well, my friend is doing this, and they are doing that, so I should do this and blah, blah, blah...You get the point? If it hasn't come up in your conversations yet, then chances are he is not ready for that next step....I have been with my BF for 4 years and living together for 3 yrs..Yeah..I brought this topic up, and will never do it again...I got my feelings hurt, because he's not ready for that next step...Plus, we're still in school, and don't have any savings...So Kids and my dream wedding are both FAT chances on my to do list..haha...You'd think I was a little smarter!!...haha...I guess you could say I am blinded by LOVE♥!!....

So yeah....Men don't think the same way as us women... Most men seem to think about the important things when it comes to the married life...Money, stability, career, etc..While us women are so quick to jump the gun...We almost always think that love will take us far, which it could, but without the proper necessities in life (stability, savings, etc) then two people could possibly be signing their lives away to the devil...There are so many threads on here about "sour marriages"...mostly because of cheating spouses and financial issues...sad, but true.....

Men....

I've noticed in dealing with them, they like to talk about things when the time comes...That's why you probably don't see many men window shopping, because they'd rather not spend days or weeks sitting uncomfortable, waiting to have something...They don't have that kind of patience...hee-hee....Get me?? Us women on the other hand, we window shop-- quite often (most of us) and LOVE to talk about the future=) (we're optimistic)...and love planning things out...especially the events that will make up our memories...Most men couldn't plan a birthday party if they wanted too.... ....haha....

Sorry MEN!!...It's true and you know it....

I know I went off on a tangent, but I guess I was trying to make a point.....

My suggestion would be to wait until he brings it up, because there is a possibility that you could get your feelings hurt--like me =(, but I'm ok now....

Like I tell everyone...My advice is only a suggestion, and I still feel you should do what your heart is telling you to do...

GOOD LUCK..!!

Remember...just go with the flow...& things will fall into place...You'll see...=)