"Got" My Ex Back ... Then Got Hurt Even Worse

Quick background: Girl and I started dating in high school, we were each other's first everything, went to the same college, discussed marriage .... after almost three years she made out with some guy at a party in December and broke up with me. She wanted to remain friends, but I went into NC, seeing her around campus occasionally.

At the end of the school year in May she approached me and said she realized that she had made the worst mistake of her life in December and wanted to try again. NC had worked! Although I was still very cautious after being cheated on ... I told her I needed to think about it.

In June we spoke again and she continued to express how much she misses me. She said she thinks about me constantly and everything reminds her of me. She said she realized that whenever we were together - even in the tough times - she had never been happier. I was a huge void in her life and she said she could never be truly happy unless she had me.

I agreed to start hanging out again and we hung out a couple of times. She told me that her and a friend were going to visit one of my best friends that weekend. After my ex and I broke up in December, she had a little fling with this friend, but he cut it off and told me that he didn't want to ruin our friendship. So I was a little worried about this mini-road trip to go see him, but I didn't worry about it too much.

When she got back she called me to see if I wanted to hang out so we went shopping and out to lunch. On the way home, she told me she is now dating my friend.

I didn't think it was possible, but I think this hurt more than the original breakup. She had totally convinced me she wanted to try again and I completely fell for it. I'm in a horrible situation, I am sharing an apartment with this friend soon (the lease starts in a month) and I know I won't be able to bring myself to share an apartment with him after this. Is he going to expect her to come over and visit? That would be simply horrible.

I know that my ex and I are done forever now, and I know that I should glad to be rid of her after all she's done to me ... but for some reason I still love and miss her so much. I know I can't ever take her back (if she even wanted to) but this still hurts so bad.

OUCH!! this gal is not playing fair to you. She said she wanted to get back with you then when on this road trip and was suddenly dating your friend? am I correct?

Oh honey I am so sorry. What a bad word! She sounds extremely selfish. I know you're hurting, but it will pass. You deserve so much better. If nothing else you can thank her for not wasting anymore of your time by showing you what she really is.

Be strong, you'll be past this in no time.

A lot of Girls are like that at that age. Don't get too discouraged. I know it hurts, but ask yourself some hard questions. One that might help is: Do I truly want to be with someone who doesn't even take responsibility for the things she says to me? What kind of woman are you looking for...a tempermental one who doesn't yet know what she wants and is subject to changing her mind about vital things she says or actions she takes, ones that might concern your near future, or one that you can trust and will always take accountability for her actions? This girl is playing with your heart, and probably getting off on it. Don't give her any more fuel. Your heart is yours to give, not hers to steal. Understand?

I think you were doing fine until she tried to ease her way back down the yellow brick road.

Reopening old wounds. Such a shame, because your boy said he cared about you and his friendship then turns around and dates your ex anyway. That's not a friend. I would tell them both to get lost.

First of all I am sorry...I have been down this road and it sucks. The love of my lief and I broke up, then she came back to me and we were talking marriage, only for her to break it off again. It hurt way worse the second time, as you have said. But you have learned at least a valuable lesson-and that is-be done with her for good. No more chances...do not allow her to infiltrate your heart again. As for your "friend" and soon to be new roommate? Was he aware that you and she were getting back together? If so-I can tell you what I would do but it wouldn't be pleasant for him. If not, then forgive him, realize that it would be difficult to be around him and her together, and distance yourself from both of them-even if it means taking on a second job to get out of the lease, or better yet just sub-let your share of the apt. to someone else...you really don't need or want to deal with this. Good luck and hang in there-this will all pass-and you will be ok...

Unfortunately we take our ex's overtures as reconciling to be as serious and driven by love as our own. The fact is (I know this from my own recent experience), if you were dumped once by someone, they will do it again and again if you let them back. The reason is, they want you back for reasons other than you think, because they are lonely, because they are guilty, because you are comfortable and a familiar support to them. It took my ex 6 months and 4 breakups for her to finally find someone new and walk away once and for all. Like you, I tried harder, committed more and in the end hurt like I never have. Chalk this one up to experience and go total NC, don't even ask about her or whatever, as she's poison for you as my ex is for me.

yes...and as a friend said to me..."Michael, she's a cancer, and you don't need radiation"....simple analogy, but very relevant and meaningful to many of us on here....

She sounds desperate to get back with you and is resorting to desperate measures to either get your attention or recover the dignity she felt she lost by opening up to you without an acceptable (in her mind) response.

I don't think she's a bad girl - more immature and desperate if you ask me.

hmmm... she seem superficial and self centered to me....but again that can be down to immaturity....

lesson learned... the hard way... many of us have been there so i feel for the OP

She is a complete piece of poo for doing what she did and with your "friend" too?!? Things will get better and about the lease thing, I would find another place if possible and let your chump friend take care of living arrangements. Such betrayal grinds my gears to no end... Arghhh

i'm sorry you have to go through this. its an awful i can totally relate. best thing to do it 1 forget about her, and to as much as possible try by all means find another place to move because it'll prolong your healing.

...if you were dumped once by someone, they will do it again and again if you let them back. The reason is, they want you back for reasons other than you think, because they are lonely, because they are guilty,...

completely true!

I'm so sorry to see many people here had same problems as I had. The love of my life cheated on me, and I took her back after a while. She broke our plans and left me, and I forgave and took her back again. She cheated and hassled two boys more and this time I dumped her for forever (which I was truly determined).. And she could get me back after a hard try.. and I accepted her back again but this time I was more committed and more in love thinking she would never leave me as I saw she changed and made lots of promises also with actions. And she dumped me for another guy after 2 months just a couple of days before a serious plan to happen! You guess how much this hurt me!! like hell!! I can tell you I f she appears in front of me now, I can beat her to death as she hurt me that much where death seemed more easy for me other than suffering this heartbreak!!

So my friend, I will tell you, also to all who reads those, some rules that are in unwritten relationship constitution!

-once a cheating wh*re, is always a cheating wh*re!

-dont take her/him back if you are dumped once!

-once a person can get over with hurting you, can get over hurting you again easily second time!

-dont let your heart or emotions control you totally!

-dont let her/him take a big part in your life!

-do not commit yourself too much to a relationship as you take a relaitonship you should know there is a break-up with it too!

-young girls, immature girls, sl*ppers, the girls with complex feelings are dangerous if you are serious!

-always measure subtly to see your place's priority in her/his life!

-be careful about signs! the relationship might be giving you signs that its getting cracked, and dont forget that crack will lead to a huge leak of emotions by time!

So mate, I have been destroyed by falling into same patterns by letting her come into my life over and over again. That only happened because she was my true and first love though I am 26. And I foolishly ignored every sign and ignored the past! I just let my feelings control me! And that hurt me worse every time!

You see how she hurt me, and I have been managing NC for a month, but there are still feelings wanting her back. I know its impossible and she is just a sl*t, a heartless, callous, a piece of sh*t or whatever but I know I hate her and love her too.. Take care of yourself mate! Go on NC, dont let her provoke feelings into you with contact (that really does). Changing location and job, or any situation helps little. But change your mindset definitely! Love yourself first! And be harsh to put away all the things or persons around you that causes negative things!

I am trying my best and looking for help too but its only us who will stop hurts!

Wow...I really feel the pain you've described her smeex....you ex was a total low life....and you are so right about the emotions running amuck that cause us to continue to go back to situations that aren't just bad, they are down right horrible. My story was much the same as yours, although I didn't actually get physically cheated on during the relationship, the emotional roller coaster and trying to commit to a woman who seemed so wanting me and wanting us and then acting the opposite way when that was possible was crazy making. Your story is one that the people over on the "getting back together" board should read, as I think many people assume that, if they can only get back with their ex, things will improve. Your situation and mine prove the opposite is true and we have been through the hurt to prove it!

Thank you so much everyone for the wonderful responses!

I keep telling myself that this is for the best and that I deserve much better than her. I know in my heart that this is true, but it's going to take a while to fully accept. Still, I'm feeling ok and I know that soon I'm going to wake up and realize how great it is to not have to worry about her anymore.

The other good news is that my backstabbing "friend" who is now dating her agreed to find a different apartment! I'm going to be stuck paying quite a bit of money until I can find a new person, so that will be tough, but I feel sooo relieved. It would have been a terrible situation for us to live together.

Thanks again ... I'm excited to be on the road to recovery and know that someday I'll find someone who will put just as much dedication and love into our relationship as I will!