I think it is time for me to write a goodbye note

please hang in there and don't give up. that tunnel does have light at the end of it, you're just going through a dark part again. i know it's hard, i've been there. if you want to talk, please don't hesitate. you're obviously an awesome person, and i just know that things will work out for you. please don't do anything drastic right now in the midst of your sadness. you will not always feel this way. in the meantime, please visit these sites

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you're a great person and we all really care about you here, we want to see you live. we're not the only ones. so please, don't give up!

Hey lightn, nice to see you posting again.

You gave us all the details about work, what about your ex? what's going on there?

I'm glad you found a friend to talk to about this. Try opening up.

You're right, you have your health. Why give that up?

hey,

sorry, this morning i could only post that short message because i was in a hurry. anyway, i've read through all your posts and my heart really goes out to you. you have a very big heart and yo'ure such a great person. no one deserves to feel this. the unfortunate thing is, sometimes that's the way life is. believe me, i've been there. but there is a bright side. although life is hard for you right now, life can also be really good. i know you've heard this and you don't want to hear it again. but please, just take a few seconds to read what i have to say. i mean, think about it. you've had good times in your life before, haven't you? just because you're going through a hard time right now, that doesn't mean you will always be. that's something i always had to tell myself. that it won't last forever. i promise you, the pain sucks, but it is temporary. you say your main concern is finances, and that it's hard to live if you're almost broke. you're afraid of low income because it's hard to live that way, right? well, i can guarantee that killing yourself is going to make living a lot harder. if you're afraid the lack of funds making a strain on living, why would you purposely jeopordize your life by taking it away? hang on to the money that you do have and continue to save the best you can. there is hope for you. you're going to eventually get out of this bad place, but not if you give up. please stay with us, we care about you SO much.

as far as getting help for depression, check out this site

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there are lots of ways, even online, to get free counseling.

also, this site is SO supportive and i know you can find some help there as well.

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also, in your own state, there are affordable ways to get help.

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i know you still care about your ex, but if things don't work out between you two, you WILL meet someone else. you're such a great, you will not spend the rest of your life alone. there is a big world out there, please don't let this sadness stop you from seeing it. try to occupy your time right now with things that make you feel better. read, write, TALK to someone, go out for walks, exercise, watch a good movie, listen to music, etc. just take a deep breathe and realize that

YOU CAN DO THIS

we're not going to leave you here, and we want you to keep posting and keep talking to us. sometimes just talking and venting makes all the difference in the world. we want to help you, so please, let us. i admire your strength SO much. you're obviously a very strong person to go through what you have, and i know you can keep going. please, don't give up. hang in there, i am here you and i mean that[/b]

hey,

just checking on you. i'm here for you and so is everyone else on this board. i mean, obviously, considering all the pages, we all really care about you. you're a great person, don't give up. check this out, it might can help you

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take care!

Hey thisisnotanexit

Thanks for your kind and supporting words. THanks for the sites that I checked out. I have save them.

Glad to hear that you read my story. Again I am just trying to hang in there the best I can. It is hard. Even though I am working my finances is still in shambles and just barley scraping by. I dont; even have enough money to pay an attorney to file bankruptcy. I am sure pretty soon I could be sued but I know there is an advantage of me of working a temp job they cannot come after you.

I am kinda glad that I walked away for my health and of course of my ex. I did hear that my ex is asking about me since I keep in contact with one or 2 people there. It taken her 6 weeks to ask about me and she still has sad eyes. So i guess the longer I am away the better and the more time she has think about me or miss me.

I know even though we have broken up for a year and now no contact for almost 2 months I still love her and care for her. I cannot even date anyone because it is just too hard. Some people think I am crazy but it will be too hard.

I am trying to make changes by moving next month into a roommate situation but I hate doing that. Again it is a just a struggle to do it.

As for working out I have not done that in 3 months and starting to feel it and that I am losing muscle. I just have had no energy and not eating much. I am ok at times and sometimes I am not.

My friend says even though you have been gone he said don;t doubt that she is thinking about you because she is. She is missing the way you treated her and I treated her well. HE said time will tell and it might take another year.

Well again thank for your words. I really appreciate it. Sometimes I just want to shut down and be gone and in a dark hole.

I appreciate your kindness. Thanks for saying I am a great person.

i know how hard dating is after breaking up with somebody special. but it gets easier later, trust me on that.

hope things work out for you man. just give yourself some alone time for a while, and you'll get perspective of things before making the decision to kill yourself. it can take a while to get over somebody, but keeping yourself busy with some other things will help.

just checkin up on ya..we're here for you

Hey, Man...

I want to tell you something.... A lot of people just don't understand how anyone could be so attached to their ex for such a long time... I know exactly what it's like to still love someone after a year or more after abreakup and even after NC for months... It is hard, I know. I just want you to know that there are people here who are going through (or have gone through) some of the same things you have/are... I know that doesnt necessarily make things any better or easier, but you really are not alone here...

I am glad to see you are still posting, and I hope to see more from you, too... It may feel like there is no reason to go on anymore, but you still have a purpose here on this earth, and everyday you are here, you come one day closer to fulfilling that purpose... Everything has a reason for happening, and sometimes we are the benefactor of that reason, and sometimes, we are left in a puddle mess trying to figure out why we have to go through what we are going through... My exgf is a prime example, so far as i am concerned... She had an abusive life growing up, found herself in a loveless marriage, got a divorce, met me (which was great for a while, but I had my own set of issues), we part ways and the next day (no kidding) she meets the guy who sweeps her off her feet and I have never seen her happier in my life. Yeah, sucks to be me here, but I believe that had things not gone the way they did between us, she would never have been where she was, when she was, to meet this guy...

I have yet to figure out why *I* went through it all... Maybe something to do with my marriage, my kids, who knows... My point is that you still have a purpose here, man... Who knows, maybe it is to help someone on here that you havent talked to yet....

we're still here for you

I have no more fight in me. I am done here. What more is there to live. Now I have a job and it is permanet and I like it now more problems with money with my bank Suntrust. They screwed me over and closed my accounts due to the fact that I filed a complaint against them with Banking and finance, and they are denying that and then I get a call from a fraud investigator which has nothing with fraud and they are handling it. They should not even handle it and they asked me if I threatened them and I told them no. What I said to the branch I was going to go after them legally. Then I get a letter stating it will not be closed till August 4, but they went ahead and closed them on July 27th. I have no money and they were suppose to send me a check and still not here, then the bank lost a $500 transcation that was deposited on July 26th and they are saying it is not there. They have been screwing with my money for 2 weekends in a row and now it will be the 3rd. Rent is due on the 1st and cannot pay them. I don;t get paid from my job until the 5th, but now what is the point. I also have to move to move in with a roommate to get back on my feet but when you have no money the point is why live? This can push people over the edge since it has to do with my money.

I have asked for help from the media and emailing attorneys. No response. So again I guess little people get pushed around.

Now what is the point in living. This kind of pressure will get to anybody and get to the point of a nervous breakdown. How can anyone cope with this. ONe thing after another. Oh yeah right it is going to get better, Heck no it has not. Sure now I have a job but what more can go wrong.

Instead of going into the branch and doing something drastic, might as well write a letter and put blood on the letter and send it and then my life be done with it. The new job does not even know what I am going thru and I just started on Monday.

It totally bad and I cannot cope anymore. I am tired of hearing it is going to work out , and so on on. I am sure when a bank screws around with your money you would react the same way and feel the same way as I am.

When I am tired of fightning then it becomes serious. I have no more fight left and barley. This is too much too handle. I am crying and barley eating and cannot buy food now nor gas for my truck.

Life stinks right now and a very dark black cloud is over me. No light.

No confidence, bad low self esteem, friends are not there for me anymore or don;t call and I am tired of calling them. What is the point.

Well as of today I am going to decided to write off friends. It does no good and they are never around. I might as well be a loner and that way no one has to worry about me. Right now I just got really dizzy today and so upset it is sad. My bank still holding my money and still trying to find that $500 on where it went to.

I had emailed an attorney for help and all he wanted to do was charge me 75 for 30 minutes for a consulation fee. I mean how can I pay for something when I don;t have any money. That blows my mind. I am upset.

Right now there is nothing to hold back for me to do it. I am done finished. I have tried to keep a level head and now I can see why people crack and blow themselves away.

I don;t have much food left in my apartment so I guess I will die of starvation or end up in the hospital of not eating.

Lets see now, I am broke, I have no money, Starting to write off people, cannot eat, will be running out of gas for my truck by next week but have a job oh well the job I felt came too late. Is it going to help my self esteem No and I have no more fight. I know now I will be alone also so there is no point in having a girl. I mean look at the negative factors. There is too much and nothing positive.

I am not looking for a response but I am sure I will get some that are probably angry and if that is the case don;t bother to respond. Right now I am in a emotional uprise and not feeling good. THat is all I have to say.

i am certainly not angry. i'm just concerned. i hate that you're feeling this way and it makes me truly sad that you might actually take your own life. i just honestly don't understand why you would kill yourself because you're losing money? i mean, you're afraid you won't have enough to live on...well, if you kill yourself, you're just doing exactly what you're afraid of. if you're afraid that not having enough money is going to kill you, why would you jump the gun and do it yourself? you're obvioiusly very afraid of death, otherwise having so little money would not scare you so badly. thereforeeee, please don't do it yourself. you never know what might happen with your funds. this can change and there are different things that could happen. i mean, you do have a new job. i've been WAY late paying my rent before, but they will work with you. they're not going to throw you out for being a little late. see, the thing is, if you stay alive, you never know what could happen. if you kill yourself, you throw everything away. please, hang in there. i know things WILL work out eventually, even though you're sick of hearing it. please, just don't give up. you're such a strong, caring and motivated individual. the future looks very dark right now, i know, but i know that it will not always be for you. don't let this period in your life convince you that the rest of your life will be this way. because it really will not, it just seems like it. you will get back on your feet eventually. a great person like you will make it. i have no doubt. we're here for you and we want to do all that we can to help. please don't leave us. we care, honestly. i know you barely know us. but i've read your story and i really do care and want to see you live. you're worth it. please don't give up. i'm here for you

take care

check out these sites

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Just hang in there, you get paid on the fifth. You'll only be two days late on rent and you can buy what you need with the money left over. Things will get better though it may not seem like it now.

[thisisnotanexit:

Your words are kind and I appreciate it. However you feel it will not last long. Right now I think it will. Would you believe I was dizzy the whole night when I walk I am dizzy. Not a good sign. Even right now I am.

As for the funds at least you understand but I will be running out of gas on my truck by next week. Where am I going to get the funds.

Sure I have a job but again how long is that going to last? I mean job are not permanet. Then I will be back to step 1.

You said that I am afraid of dying. Well as far as bad I am now, no I am not. Now it is so bleak, I am not. I even emailed one of my suppose friends who owe me money for the camera that I bought and he said he would pay me back and it has been nearly 2 years and still have not seen the money. Lesson learned. Even though he had things happen like ID theft sure but not even made an attempt to repay me. I still have not heard from him. I even had a friend for 4 years who her and I were close and she lives in the next state. She said I am suppose to understand but yes what about her understanding. That is what I am talking about where are the people when I need them.

Again there is no point anymore. I guess when I am gone maybe they will see Wow what a good person etc. but by then it will be too late.

Again I have not much fight left. I guess I am going to go down like a ship sinking.

i really admire your strength and i want you to know that i am here for you. i want to help and i really am so sorry about the things that you are going through. i know these are just words, but i hope that you believe that i truly do care.

but if dying doesn't scare you at least a little, why does the thought of not having enough money for food, etc. scare you? if you truly just didn't have the will to live, you wouldn't care about that. the point is, if you kill yourself, you're just going assuming way too much and taking everything away. the future seems dark. and yes, nothing positive yet has come around to give you any reason to keep going. i understand that when you're in situations like this it's like, what's the point? but there is the point. although your future seems dark, at least it is a future. anything can happen and i know that one day eventually things are going to turn around for you. but if you kill yourself, you have NO future. you are in a grave rotting somewhere. if you're alive, there are always chances, opportunities, etc. one day, and i know it seems hard to believe, things are going to turn around for you, just please stick around to see that day. don't give up, it's not worth it. i talk so adamantly about this because i was once where you are, so close to just giving up. i had a different situation that i am not going to go into right now, but believe me, i was about to just end it. i don't want you to do what i almost did. someone like you does not need to waste their life on suicide, you're too good of a person. i know that your future will brighten, even though you cannot see it. it may be a while, but please, hang in there. death seems tempting, but please continue to be the strong person you are and fight it. you're going to get through this.

thisisnotanexit:

Ok now with the food and money because I am low blood sugar and I have gone without a week eating and it is suffering. As for money sure I need to go to work but then again I have a job so I need to function.

I know what you are going to say that well there you have something to live for. But now it is 3 weekends in a row where I cannot access my funds and you read my story. Even If I try revenge where is that going to get me. No where. I mean it seems little people who cannot afford an attorney will not help. I am trying to turn the negative into a positive to make voice heard but no it is not working.

Ok so you do understand you were at that point. I was at the point 5 years ago it did not happen. Now I look back it was minor but this is major. It seems I am being punished. Even the bank can deny what they did they are doing to get back at me.

It is getting to the point if I don;t have cash for gas I will be walking and that will take me 2 hours to walk and then what. What kind of excuse should I give? I hate giving excuses. It is embrassing.

Again I just want to go to sleep and not suffer and not wake up. Painless. I guess there is no way.

Future for me. Yeah right. I try to see and nothing. Look at this way, Lets see Job loss, commission job which put me in a financial bind, broke now, and no girlfriend. Sure here we go again well at least you have you health but then again do I have money to go to a doctor if need to be? No.

I cannot even drive today to look at a place for me to possible move in. I hav to make an excuse just to save gas right now. That is sad. Even that I hate doing it to move in with a roommate.

I know then come God or religion use. I am not into that but of course I have prayed but still nothing. Maybe I have to go a church and end that way. I know it is saying you will go to hell. Don;t know what to believe anymore.

So that is my intake on all of this. Even being strong there is only so much fight you have left.

have you tried prioritizing your budget? for instance, if where you are living is too much money, try to move somewhere cheaper. if the car you drive takes too much gas, sell it and get something very cheap on gas. i mean, even the computer you're using right now. if you sold it, i'm sure you would get some money that would last you a while. i know you're working hard right now to do all you can, and i know that, i'm not trying say you aren't. i'm just saying there are options. do ANYTHING before you kill yourself. and with food, there are programs out there that will help you. look it up on google or something, or in the yellow pages. contact social services o SOMETHING. you will NOT starve. there are soup kitchens, meal programs, etc. for people with low income. believe me, if you could just please hang on, there are ways of getting around this a little. and eventually, i know you will get through this. and no, im not pushing religion on you or anything, but i promise a church wouldn't tell you you are going to hell. i'm here for you, hang in there please.

yes I am already trying to make changes like moving into a roommate even though I don;t want. I have had bad experiences but again how long it is going to last with me I don;t know.

As for the computer I cannot sell it. I need it. As for the vehicle, dont; want to give it up. It is almost paid off.

As for me going into a soup kitchen, there is no way. I could not see myself going into that. It would be too hurtful for me and I would not be able to handle it. I am not a begger and will not do it.

A while back you stated that you had looked into counseling, and didn't have the $$ for it.

Your story resonates with me, and I am concerned for you.

Monday morning, please call this number: 770-638-5760

It's the main # to Gwinnett County Mental Health. They offer free or sliding scale counseling to county residents. "Sliding Scale" means that the fee is based on your income, and if you have no income, they may be able to slide you down to zero fee. They will ask you for pay stubs, utility and rent bills, etc., to determine your income eligibility.

Please know that I am not affiliated with this organization at all.

You can also pick up the phone and dial 211. Just 211. This is an express link to the United Way.

Don't be afraid.

all_a-lone wrote:

A while back you stated that you had looked into counseling, and didn't have the $$ for it.

Your story resonates with me, and I am concerned for you.

Monday morning, please call this number: 770-638-5760

It's the main # to Gwinnett County Mental Health.

So my story is similar as to your experience? THanks for the info but still I have no money at all even though I am working. Remember the bank is holding my money hostage. I have even written to senators so I guess I have to wait. Even as I sit here writing this I am have not moved from this apartment because I have become dizzy so I cannot drive. It is a good thing so I can save gas. I am not even sure writing to senators will help but to do me like this is sad.

Now you know why people react to their life on no way out.

yes I am already trying to make changes like moving into a roommate even though I don;t want. I have had bad experiences but again how long it is going to last with me I don;t know.

 

As for the computer I cannot sell it. I need it. As for the vehicle, dont; want to give it up. It is almost paid off.

 

As for me going into a soup kitchen, there is no way. I could not see myself going into that. It would be too hurtful for me and I would not be able to handle it. I am not a begger and will not do it.

well i can totally understand why you would not want to get rid of your computer or sell your car or go to a soup kitchen or some other government service, but really, it's your life at stake here. i mean, it would only be temporary, just to get you back on your feet. if you're running out of options like you say, i would definitely try some of these things before death. i really want you to get through this, because i know you can. again, i cannot imagine exactly what you're going through and i think you are so strong. just please know that we're here for you no matter what and we want to help see you through this no matter what.

check this out and don't give up please, there is help out there

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also completely free

1-800-SUICIDE