fnlyfrei Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Okay , you are 17...you will probably have a sexual history by the time you are nearly 40...like the female in question here...unless of course you choose not to, and just pick one person for the rest of your life. Some do that. It works at times too. Unfortunately, some of us hope we find "the one"...and it wasnt the one. Not even close. It even happens over and over. Some people just LIKE to sleep around...others just have a hard time getting along with anyone....and never learn from their mistakes. I wish when I was your age that they had had some kind of course in high school about healthy relationships. People do take things seriously...though not at the same time sometimes. Have you ever had a broken heart? Then maybe,perhaps you might understand some of the problems posted here. Some things seem really strange and alien until you have lived through them...although no one wants to see anyone go through this painful stuff. Your advantage in this era, is that you can read and learn so much and be much better prepared than I was at your age. You have the world wide web. I had books, movies and television. I hope you read and learn lots of things from this site...there are many wise people here (some not) but you will probably be able to discern that yourself. Good luck ! Link to comment
Superfreak Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Or she might just think it's none of their business. Like I said before, it's one thing to want to know, but it's another thing entirely to use whatever information you get against that person. After 8 months of a committed, faithful relationship, that's entirely unfair. Like it or not, in a relationship headed towards marriage, honesty is crucial. I'm not sure if I missed something but where do you get this "using informatino against your partner" from when inquiring in to there sexual history? I think any marriage counsellor will tell you that the fewer secrets partners keep between eachother the better their relationship will likely be. Considering a partners sexual history as a taboo subject will leave (sometimes significant) gaps in your understanding of your partners past and may impede you from understanding fully what made them who they are presently. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Like it or not, in a relationship headed towards marriage, honesty is crucial. I'm not sure if I missed something but where do you get this "using informatino against your partner" from when inquiring in to there sexual history? I think any marriage counsellor will tell you that the fewer secrets partners keep between eachother the better their relationship will likely be. Considering a partners sexual history as a taboo subject will leave (sometimes significant) gaps in your understanding of your partners past and may impede you from understanding fully what made them who they are presently. I agree. But the OP was going to use the information against his SO. So treefrogs point was valid. Link to comment
saberman3000 Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 i had an argument with my girl not too long ago about her ex. sometimes i feel that past catches up on you... i love my gf. she is smart and sensible YET she stayed with this guy for over 4 years INSPITE of him being abusive to her. REASON: He gave her good sex. she said women dont think about sex like men do...which makes me wonder...is she with me because she truly likes me? was she with all the other guys from her past because she liked them? or was she with them because they gave her good sex... Link to comment
EvaGina Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 REASON: He gave her good sex. That might be what she TELLS you... it might be what she tells herself. But I doubt it true. I told people I stayed with my abusive ex becuase he was rich... it was easier than saying I was too scared to leave. Link to comment
Superfreak Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 I agree. But the OP was going to use the information against his SO. So treefrogs point was valid. Oh, my mistake, I just didn't feel like wading through 11 pages of material, silly me Link to comment
EvaGina Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Oh, my mistake, I just didn't feel like wading through 11 pages of material, silly me fair enough.. although it was in the first post. Link to comment
saberman3000 Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 why was she scared to leave? you always have a choice... i asked her that and she said he wouldn't go away...YET she admitted of letting him in after a fight...now what do i make of that? Link to comment
Superfreak Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 fair enough.. although it was in the first post. It was? The only thing in the first post was that he wanted to ask her how many partners she had and what the average for her age was? I didn't get any feeling of him using any information against her Link to comment
EvaGina Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 why was she scared to leave? you always have a choice... i asked her that and she said he wouldn't go away...YET she admitted of letting him in after a fight...now what do i make of that? You cant really explain it to someone who hasnt been in an abusive relationship before. You dont have self esteem, you dont think anyone will want you, you think you DESERVE the abuse. I still saw this guy after he let his friend try to kill me, didnt care when his other friend tried to hook up with me and I still even saw him after he raped me (the first time)... and when he finally left me for someone else, I begged him to come back. You dont act normally when you are being treated like that, and DONT judge her or try to make her feel stupid for things she did back then, its embarrassing enough as it is. Superfreak He was going to dump her if it was above his acceptable quota. Regardless of what may have happened in her past. Link to comment
treefrogkate Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 It was? The only thing in the first post was that he wanted to ask her how many partners she had and what the average for her age was? I didn't get any feeling of him using any information against her Like Eva said, he basically stated that if her "number" was too high, he didn't want to get "too serious" with her. Although, after 8 months, I would think that would be considered by most as a serious relationship. My only point in this thread was stated in my last post here, below the one that was quoted last (I'm surprised that's the one that got quoted, since my later post was way more articulated, hehe). Basically, at this point in their relationship, it shouldn't matter how many guys she had been with before. If she's been faithful the entire time she's been with the guy, shouldn't that be taken as a show of her faithfulness, instead of using an arbitrary number? Read my last post before this, I don't really want to repeat myself. Anyway, for the record, my boyfriend knows how many guys I've been with in the past, and I know how many girls he's been with. I'm not advocating keeping secrets (as I have nothing I keep from my boyfriend), but in this case, even if the girl answered honestly, he already made up his mind to not believe her anyway. So why bother asking? Just dump her and be done with it. Seems a shame after over 8 months though. Link to comment
treefrogkate Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 why was she scared to leave? you always have a choice... i asked her that and she said he wouldn't go away...YET she admitted of letting him in after a fight...now what do i make of that? It's not always that easy. Speaking from experience, theres a certain amount of self-esteem undermining that goes on in an abusive relationship, and I think most of the time, women stay in them because we think no one else would want us and that we deserve what we're getting. It's easy to say "Just leave" looking in from the outside, and after you're out of the relationship, it's easy to say "Why did I stay with him for so long?", but if it were just that easy to get out, well, there wouldn't be so many abusive relationships out there. Link to comment
caligurl Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Let me explain something to you..... i messed up around in my past, but it was a mistake. i grew up on my own with no parents because they were drug atticks. i never had anyone to teach me right from wrong. i started makeing bad choices... sleeping around,, etc.. drugs.. etc..... but now i graduated high school i'm going to a university and i am doing great..... i regret my past but i can only make my future better.. my bf found out i slept around.. and he was hurt... but we got through it... my point is, if your gf did things in the past forgive her.. it's never too late to start a new.. if you love her... don't worry about her past and start worrying about your guy's future... in a few months or so ... see if she wants to marry you and start a family... don't worry about the past because you won't be able to change it Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 21, 2007 Share Posted March 21, 2007 as long as they are clean and faithful, the past doesn't bother me. i'd rather not hear about how many guys got up in my girl. usually, you can't really tell. unless she is charging you for sex. there is a difference from being promiscuous and being a h_ bag. promiscuous isn't bad. Link to comment
crookster_man Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 woot longest thread! oh, and who cares? obviously you do... well ask her if you don't believe her why are you dating her? Link to comment
PeanutButter Posted August 10, 2007 Share Posted August 10, 2007 ask her not quite sure in which order. but how many people shes been in love with. than later ask her how many of the people that shes loved slept with?? and isnt it if a girl is all loose or something that shes been around a lot? haa this thread is old but yeh.. just thought i put that in!! Link to comment
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